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" Insecure "
~Insecure~
The sashes of my life are left with colors of darkning lashes
My image behind dark glasses, secrets hidden in stashes
My thoughts end at captions, and yet theres many I tought
Love I brought, but in return my allies rebelled me and fought
I would have sought revenge, but I must have a friend
A sence of guidence, for those individuals I always depend...
To be open, I intend... But what if they dont like the picture
Or if im the wrong ficture, would I destroy the strong mixture
I just want acceptance, to be concluded in the referance
Add another bright mind to it, continou the beuty of essence
So my intentions stay hidden, lonleyness my only prevention
My missions always start but stop to be left a prediction
The heart of mine lines itself to be pure, to make a cure
Help prevent the future children not to be like me... "Insecure... "
PART 2... COMING SOON...
- This has a little to deal with me... But mostly to deal with people that are like this at my school and shit. Everyone wants to feel loved and liked. Thats a fact, I just felt like pointing the people who dont get it a little attention. You know, kinda prove a point. What do people think, not my best... But I thought it was pretty good...
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This was a decent peice. I think it could have had more feeling. The flow was good. Short and sweet. Not much more i can say. It was cool. Keep doing what you do.
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Great Peice ... Really I'd Give it A 7/10
Lacked Feeling Really But Hey Still A Great Peice
Hit Mine Up Pleez
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112011
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iight
Maybe could of had a bit more feelings on this one dawg...
You had some decent vocab in this piece... The flow was on in most places...
The only thing you need to do to inprove on it {for part II}...
Is that you need to work on the way that you get your ideas across in your writing... Get more feeling in it...
Overall a decent piece here dawg... Keep it up and work on those points... pz
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^ Ohh dont worrie, this is the appitizer, LOL ^
Thanks for all the feed back, and I returned the favor freeman. I have " My Thoughts Pt.3 " being dropped today. So be sure and check it, should be very dope... Thanks for the returned favors and feedback, much appriciated...
UPPIN
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This Was Ok Man. . Topic Is Good, Content Was Ok, But Like Everyone Is Sayin', For Part Two Have Alot More Feeling And Express The Topic More Through Words Than You Did With This Part. . Multi's Were Good Tho And They Helped The Flow. . Vocab Was Average. . SO The Only Thing You Need To Worry About Is Emotion. . I'lL Check For Part Two When It's Up. . Pz.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112015
^ ^ Hit That Up. . Appreciate It.
