We sailed on with happy hearts

The Harbor wind's played on in our hearts
As we bobbed in our baby dinghy in the blue bay.
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.

Cool breezes blew our dinghy to coves across the charts;
We sifted winded sails, sipped wine all winsome day.
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

The sun tumbled: we tacked for clubs past marts
And feasted on mariners' tales of a bygone day.
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.

We reveled in rhythmic peals of mast slapping halyards
And lapping ripples mooring mirrored lights in the bay.
All misted moon long we sailed on with happy hearts.

We were skippers of our dinghy, sporting our parts.
Tack port! No, starboard! Buoy, port side bow! Oy vey!
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts;
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

The Harbor wind's played on in our hearts
As we bobbed in our baby dinghy in the blue bay.
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.
^^
nice opener!. caught my eye FAST

Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.
^^
liked the multie in this..ALOT

Cool breezes blew our dinghy to coves across the charts;
We sifted winded sails, sipped wine all winsome day.
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.
^^
nice loved..nice wording

The sun tumbled: we tacked for clubs past marts
And feasted on mariners' tales of a bygone day.
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.
^^
wasnt really appealing as the others but still good

We reveled in rhythmic peals of mast slapping halyards
And lapping ripples mooring mirrored lights in the bay.
All misted moon long we sailed on with happy hearts.
^^
no this was a nice wording and twisted multie.

We were skippers of our dinghy, sporting our parts.
Tack port! No, starboard! Buoy, port side bow! Oy vey!
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts;
All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

i liked this overall it was intact with great emotion and very well written vocab and choice of multies and metas.


RTF on the links in my sig

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...9&postcount=26http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showpost.php?p=4807233&postcount=22

uppin for some feedback

bump

Nice shit fam

Opener wuz great - i like the imagery ya put in this
especially in these lines

Quote:

---

Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.

---

but as a whole nice poem ---- imagery, vocab wuz good

metaphors were nice --- i felt as if i were there - especially da way ya ended it
keep doin wut ya do -- nice shit

thanks fam....set up dat dam battle lol

Damn man this anotha one ya bit
http://www.poetry.com/contest/pastwi...uite=A58101%3E

smh cant believe this -- did ya bite all ya poems??

-Closed.