Total Devistation

Total Devistation
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The Beginning...

It's set with a tone unheard by most of the other clans
Motherland rescued not! we're slow but running scared
Safe to say humans arent right. They're quite beligerant
Opening each box for the truth, which one is it hidden in?
Forbidden skin, walking on the surface; rules are broken
The truth is open we Will fight for life! Youth has spoken
Move this notion, Good verse Evil this news is significant
Evil has risin in.Lost for words.Courage,Need a big lift of it
Good is moving quick. Coming fast, humans are losing it
God is choosing it, war now! Earth land,we are abusing it
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The Good...

Good is ready fast, God did work and knows his steady facts
Evil rises many flags, but good is great n looks for any cracks
Disguised in many masks, they stay on the top of the steeple
For god did not call upon angels, he sacrafices todays people
It stays equal, no hesitation, arms his men with guns and knives
Even sons and wives, God will take you, just grab a gun and fight
He is sincere with his choices, gets rabbits to use and decoy with
Church music to annoy with, Army ready it's time to deploy ship
Ready to destroy lids, battle time they meet at the center earth
Fighting Evil and weather, nothing better than decembers worst
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The Evil...

Evil has set the pace, The Devil works within his mischief
Summoning Demons, Ghouls, and the lost souls that fit in
Diminishing hope of God with weapons of mass destruction
Kill Everyone in our way; Thats the devils only instruction
They work hard, set with armor and weapons. Time to travel
Minds to scrabble,They go hard and rise beneath the gravel
No speach is made, just looks of hate and determination
They are set to fight, whether or not they deserve the nation
Forming lines of soldiers, They hide fast behind the boulders
His heart is colder, and will do anything to win when its over
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The Battle...

Battle begins, Humans falling faster than the wall in Berlin
Reaching within, as it looks now Evil is set for the sure win
It's urgent, the humans have no affect with their weapons, I
Six Billion fight,Evil slaughter, now humans have five left alive
They are swept aside, with no emotion nothing left for pride
Leg's are fried, but the humans fight back and they do collide
Somethings not right! smiles? this is beyond total devistation
A little rest is takin,the two left are on the road to celebration
God has takin away life, and the Devil damned it forever
Clever! Though now they are trapped! on the world TOGETHER!
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The End...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...om-373244.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...om-373244.html

I liked this peice man, had a tight flow and very nice vocab, i thought some of the rhymes were pretty basic but the peice didnt suffer much from it at all. Loved the topic too, its the sort of thing im normally writing about but im tryin to change my style a bit.

Overall id give it a 9/10 man, very nice read.

disclaimer: im a newb so yeah i dont know if i can help improve you our anything.

upon reading this piece some of things i can say are its quite enjoyable and has deep meaning added to the mix.
your style is a bit unorthodox and do to my newbness i really dont understand the rhyme scheme at times but i really dont think this takes away from your piece at but actually gives the reader or maybe just me a sense of urgency or confusion.

lol ok? thanks anyways

Alot of different, inter-topics in this, not sure if thats a good thing, you want to give your readers a consistent flow and events should be pointed out in the process of reading, don't give titles to every section, its cool to put the gaps in but titles just tell us too much, keep the reader guessing, the concept was average, though you put different settings in each of your pieces...imagery was decent, nothing spectacular but I don't hate it, your creativity was ok as well, umm the emotion was lacking more than anything, you showed no or little emphasis on what you were trying to present to us, I hope your listening to this in a positive way, because I only want to help you produce better writing man...g/l in the future

pz.

thanks for the honest feed man...though i usually focus on imagery and emotion..this piece i chose to take a different view and work on flow or whatever....

and i jumped from scene to scene..to give the reader the aspect from each point of view...though maybe i didnt do a good job of it lol..anyhow thanks for the honest feed ill take all of ur feed into consideration.

bump

ehhh it was a decent piece i liked the whole beginning good bad and battle thing though i felt something were lacking such as emotions and such but i also fellt like there was some imagery keep it up u got potential man

feed me back
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-373389.html