Carrying on a rhyme scheme

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...257/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...503/index.html

fuck around and I'll straight blitz ya chin
...what type of world are we liven' in
fuck em, no need to forgive these men
whose whole aim is just about be-little'n
dogs who snapped back and then bit their friends
I try to break free hoping to shift within
reaching up to the heavens in a swift ascent
demonstrate and elavate to up-lift your kin
I'll keep doing this till the wisdom is sinking in
your knight in shining armor, has a chink in him
a hand to the poor's, something a king should lend
but wont, and I could not think of when
I was ever anything more than a simpleton
nothing more in the war than the middlemen
the fates are changing... like a drift of wind
cold as fuck inside.. my heart is still shiverin'
if I didn't try at all.. dawg I still would win
cuz I get shit hype like some kids on Ritalin
a titan with aq pen stompin men with timberland's
a sick mother fucker.. full of sinful sins
calling out the troops.. its time we send 'em in
a crazy mother fucker with a demented grin
mastered time and space, make demension spin
welcome to the twilight zone, realitys is immensely thin
you think your really nice.. go on pretend again
you cold fuck with this.. strength is intense and sends
shocking waves strike you with out relent and then
I'll end your life bitch if you only can lend a pen
trapped as I write raps inside of the den I'm in
higher than mountains in Switzerland
this is like pirate warfare, and your 'gonna sink again
sorry im a dick but I've been on a drinking binge
falling down.. the room starts to sink and spins
cuz Im high man, I shoot up with an ink syringe
flowing for days.. man yo this is my thing
talk about iglos.. don't say that he isnt king
out the west the very best, is all that I simply bring
it's over, don't act like that fat lady didn't sing

bump

Good shit fam... I know it wasn't easy going 36 off the same scheme

thank you


this was a keystyle btw way.. just tryin to see how long i could make it go

You didn't strictly carry that scheme for 36, if I'm being a pedant and paying a lot of (probably too much) attention.

It's solid though, generally, as I read it, i thought the flow was solid, it had it's pockets where your wording fucked it up, but they weren't all that prominent. The multi-scheme wasn't insanely ambitious or nothing but you more or less carried it, I think key or not, you was a train derailing tracks but slowly lost steam with this;

Quote:

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higher than mountains in Switzerland
this is like pirate warfare, and your 'gonna sink again
sorry im a dick but I've been on a drinking binge
falling down.. the room starts to sink and spins
cuz Im high man, I shoot up with an ink syringe
flowing for days.. man yo this is my thing
talk about iglos.. don't say that he isnt king

---

^ smh @ Switzerland. Reusing King too? Oh well...Even then it was passable I guess. There a few lines which come off pretty nice though too Iglo;

Quote:

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I try to break free hoping to shift within
reaching up to the heavens in a swift ascent
demonstrate and elavate to up-lift your kin
I'll keep doing this till the wisdom is sinking in

---

Quote:

---

a crazy mother fucker with a demented grin
mastered time and space, make demension spin
welcome to the twilight zone, realitys is immensely thin
you think your really nice.. go on pretend again
you cold fuck with this.. strength is intense and sends
shocking waves strike you with out relent and then
I'll end your life bitch if you only can lend a pen

---

^ *nods* Tight, esp. the second quotation. I threw these in just so you know I acknowledged some of the skill and didn't focus too much on the negatives.

All in all, decent little flex. Not brilliant, but a decent key with competent lyricism that had more good moments than bad. A few grammatical issues which could hurt the read for a less perceptive person but I ain't here to fix your grammar, besides it was still coherent to me. Good-ish.

Keep wordsmithing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post7634947 < return.

Respect for carrying on a rhyme scheme for that long but some words were a bit off as in they had an 'e' sound instead of 'i', but i guess it depends on how you pronounce them. carried on the rhyme scheme nice and solidly though mostly. The meaning is slightly all over the place though but i guess that you were just experimenting with the rhyme scheme so it might not matter. Overall quite a good experiment.