Championship: Dex'Labb vs Soulstice (Dex' Wins)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html

Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.

check

Checkkk it hustla

ummm so I guess let's go 60 lines, this week due to all the bs I'm gonna stick to the line limit.....

*phone rings*
"Hello?"
"Hey Ali, do you know what the English homework was?"
"Oh, hey Mike.. Uhh.. questions 3-7 on page 62, i think!"
"Alright, haha, all this homework blows, though, Mr. Debraska sucks huh"
"Oh, I know! I couldn't go out last night or anything!"
"Right? I wanted to wri- ri-, ride with my friends, but couldn't because of all this homework"
"Definitely. I'm sure you and all your buddies were dying to go out and chase women... haha kidding! Hey, I have to go now, talk to you later!"
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On the accruent of whim I script...
she has beauteous skin
And drinks from the bottle that isn't brewing with sin
Her cuticle's sing - sing from the gospel
And every syllable could help bring the Missal to grottos
It's as simple as motto - as one could possibly write
I love you - too strong, too honest and right
Hurdling impossible blights - too many obstacles
Behind enemy lines I try and do the improbable
hearts doomed to the hospital - I'm the battlefield soldier
I'm the modern day Hercule's who grasps and wields boulders
A thrash unreal - colder and colder like the veins in my skin
Can't warm up until her harmonious harp starts playing again
Then I think the craziest things - and they evolve to a verse
And my former self regresses and rots in a hearse
The impossible hurts - it's simple phonics vs. histrionics
A burning fire caged in the skin of onyx
And your whisper sonnets that bring the latter to life
But then it returns to the passenger side
Once you go from laughter to sighs - a muse if there ever was
.. or a cold-blooded killer confusing my better trust
I'll tell you what - I've never needed to harness a source
Of light and flame that's constantly charring my corpse
As bad as you - so I wrote exactly what I fucking thought
All about the gross dichotomy that this love has brought
Your my other god - blazing phoenix or angry rocket
As I fall victim or triumph with this blatant honest..
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Fuck it though, I'll post it on a forum for vindication
from people I've never met - share my form of inspiration
but
They'll never honestly understand how perfect this is
Because I'll never douse you in metaphor or subservient wit
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You're the fork in the road, and inside, you scare me
I'm parts mechanical mannequin and parts ample shakespearian
I'm wary of who I want you to want me to be
But confused of who I honestly see in the mirror
because you cloud my vision - a shrouded prison
And wearily, I guard the truth in every day conversation
So for now just listen carefully.

Behind These Walls

Rage englufs me..clenching bestowed love & death..
my white knuckles like sharks, seekin' cold blood at depths..
beyond abysmal, where pressure corrodes nothin'ness
I wish I could'a met my Father; soul strung at ends...
where stones strum the sands, now baron by sea side..
He left us this home, which I inherited when she died...
my anger grows immortal, flarin' into screams cried..
smashin' the walls, & throwin' chairs like a fiend, fried..
fit of insanity, rippin' the door off my painting loft..
I find my pictures, tear em' to the floor, faces drainin' off..
thrashing brushes & cans, a red matte runs on my hands..
& the moment is frozen, as his Urn falls - erupting, it lands.

Days Later..

Morning dawns perfection - serenity is opaque, see..
God took him away when I was only at 8 Weeks..
In the womb, but now is the perfect time to resume..
my picture, only one I didn't rip when my hate peaked..
It needs a touch of matte red, hue mystic & blooded
But little did I know, his ashes fused into the brushes..
As I finish the final detail, a few intricate touches..
the colors start to swirl, into an infinite circumference..
& the paint turns to packets of light, facets of life..
a vintage scene in the picture captured a night..
& the canvas on the wall dissolved, amethyst bright..
I can hear muffled voices & see candle lit sites..
the scene was liquidous, I reach out n' try to call..
painting of a deadly silence, turned into a lively hall..
This life, is dry & dull..imagination defines us all..
I step into the painting, & disappear behind the wall..

Into The Painting..

As I transcend in the wall, my clothes are..in disguise,
My jeans & polo become a two piece suit, with a tie
a gentle buzz is in the air, must be bout' dinner time,
& music rings out, singing softly, "in her eyessss"
The lights are dim & low, an empty table not far away..
I sit down, a waiter brings me a souless chardonnay..
I swirl the glass, the nostalgia strangely starts to fade..
"Welcome to La Rue, would you like the tarte today?"
My throat swells, "uhh, I ah, need a moment first.."
"fair enough, I'll be back when you'd like to order Sir."
La Rue. I know that name, this resteraunt is old & gray..
but years ago in the 50's - it was a golden place..
I remember. the neurotransmission embolds my veins..
This is where my Father was murdered, cold & maimed..
I scan the room..he must be somewhere, by utter fate..
The waiter returns, "Sir, have you'r-" I stutter "WAIT.."
from the sleepy corner of the room, in slumber's gaze..
I can see the blurry outline of my Mother's face!

Rushing To Her Table..

"ANNABELLE!" A hush grew over the entire room..
"It's me..your son!, Oh God - he led me to finding you!"
pain ensues, a first connects to my jaw, grinding tooth
"Get lost, bub." my Father standing above, dying proof..
"DAD!!, look, you both gotta leave, you're in Danger!!!!!"
"I don't who the hell ya' are, but you sound insane, sir."
"But DAD, you don't understand!!!," my heart off a beat..
BANG! "Everybody down on the floor, this is a robbery!!"
"Put all ya's money and ya's jewlery in the bags, DO IT -
And be prepared to die if ya's try anything stupid!!!"
approaching my Mom, their eyes of greed & jaded things
"Ok tutz, go ahead and hand us the engagement ring.."
The crooks had pushed mags into their glocks, loaded..
& my Father had a gun tucked, they did not, notice...
He goes to draw his Magnum, a crook spots his move..
And raises his glock, to fire a shot to his muse..
I dive for my Dad, down for cover..we fall on the stoop,
silence hushes over the crowd,
...& a gunshot sombers the room.

Moments After The Gunshot..

the sounds of a record player spinning a vinyl...
Is all that is heard, my Father inches from my nose..
And he's alive, I saved him from half of the horror..
But behind us, my Mother had collapsed on the floor..
"OH GOD!" my father screams, "HELP tend to the wound!"
police sirens cause the crooks to all exit the room...
"PLEASE HELP, she's got a baby in her womb!!!"
& I realize, that baby..is me; I start fading into gloom..
they rush her to the clinic, all hope is diminished..
I'm paralyzed, as I become a ghost to existance..
A picture tells 1000 words, but does it discretely..
She dies later on...,
n' I fade from the painting completely.

fate is no game for those waiting it out, cause
you can't change the past, without changing yourself.

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Soulstice - Definitely a deep piece. I like the concept and how you approached it in a realistic way. I don't know if this is based on truth, but it felt like it, especially referring to expressing yourself on a forum rather than in the person's face (the person being the one on the phone with you?) anyways you had a lot of sick rhymes and references throughout the whole thing. I had to re-read your piece a few times to fully understand it and there were some parts like when you said "angry rocket" that felt either forced or just something personal like an insider that only you and the other person know. IDK it was weird, i felt like i could relate to this in many ways. Something that really bothered me is that after reading your piece and looking through this week's topics... i mean, is it me, or did you not use any topic that was given? If that's the case, i don't see how this battle was fair, but anyways... What I got is that overall it's about bottling shit and having your defenses up. I also liked the ending. Good shit this week.

Dex'Labb - This has got to be one of the best stories i've read in a long time on this website. The imagery, concept and rhyme-scheme were all there. Even though it was long, I was drawn in throughout the whole thing. Once your character steps into the painting, it started to get real interesting and i was pretty excited to see what happened next. The way you ended it was perfect. I really have no complaints on this and you managed to edge it over soulstice.

v/Dex'Labb Really close battle, but i'm gonna have to go with dex for having a more enjoyable read. Great battle, guys. This could go either way.

Dex.. oh my god, man. I mean, I feel like I just read one of the most awesome things I've read in a minute.. this was impressive. conceptually, it was sooooo fucking smoothe and well put together. I love the idea of going inside of the painting... fuck dude... the flow was dope, and I wasn't distracted from the story ONCE bro. This was just... whoa... I dunno dude. It struck a chord here. The detail of the encounter with his parents.. the robbery.. it was great, man. I really don't think Soulstice held his own against this piece to be quite honest. I got done reading both, and I just knew who I wanted to vote for... perfect drop. A+


Soulstice... not my favorite from you. Felt rushed. I could tell your focus was probably on that tournament rather than here. Seems like you had more wording issues than you normally do.. missing words here and there.. "blatent honest" just didn't feel right the way it was phrased... lots of little nitpicky things as far as mechanics go. It was a smoothe read other than that.. conceptually sound. Nothing too amazing.. I've seen people write this type of shit before.. and it seemed a lot more personal to you than entertaining to me as the reader.. It was good.. just didn't hold up well enough for me to give it the winning nod this round...


Vote Dex'Labb... Bullshit aside.. I'm not gonna butter this up. After I read both, I had my mind made up.. and imo, the battle wasn't too close. I liked both sides.. but I clearly liked one drop far more. Good battle.

Soulstice: Ahhh, I'm a sucker for a love verse...especially an unrequited/unsure love concept. But ummmmmm, what topic did you chose from the list? lol...I know that you hesitantly accepted this champ match because you're focused on the match with Pent at PR this week...but come on dude...

Aside from that...this was a delicate piece...even structurally, it was delicate. I felt like your usually strong and present transitions were sparse and weak...so, some of your phrasing felt a bit fragmented............even despite that, this piece was very coherent, it reminded me of a modern day James Joyce...in it's structure...I tend to be a bit of a tangential thinker, so I was pretty comfortable with the flow of this verse, but I can see that it might not be a crowd fav of SS's this week.

Your rhyme schemes were clever and crisp...cant really ask for much more as far as that goes...

This isn't one of YOUR stronger verses...but it's a strong verse nonetheless...it was poignant in it's representation of a young man who has a strong affection for a classmate, yet is unable/unwilling to profess that affection...the mention of posting it on a message board was very apprapo for your audience here, as I think most of us can relate to venting in the safe place of a topical verse. nice piece Soulstice.

Dex': Well, this is probably my favorite verse that you've dropped so far in SS. Conceptually, this was original, and VERY well executed. Every single line contributed to the story line and nothing seemed to be missing from the "picture" of the plot...and nothing seemed cumbersome either.

The concept of ashes reincarnated via paint on a canvas...which will in turn be used as a vessel of time travel for a son to meet his dead mother and father, and ultimately change his own fate...was brilliant. Nothing more to say really.

As far as your imagery and rhyme mechanics...this was pretty spot-on. Solid end line rhymes...and some pretty loud assonance as well, really helped the cadence of this verse.

Honestly, I don't really have anything negative to say about this.

This is an easy vote for me. Soulstice had excellent emotional imagery and solid rhyme schemes, but I struggled to find the connection of his verse to any of this week's topics. But really, I'm not factoring that into my vote, perhaps if I felt less strongly about Dex's verse I would consider that...but nah, I think Soulstice simply was out written this week...which is a difficult feat, in and of itself. Dex get's the win based on not only his concept, but the execution of his story line. Not only did his story mechanics outshine Soulstice's emotional imagery...but Dex's verse also contained a lot of emotion, really vivid emotion. Great verses from both guys...but Dex gets my vote.

DUE TO THIS WEEK BEING AN OFF WEEK, VOTING IS EXTENDED UNTIL TUESDAY AT 11:59pm PST
Voting
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-Give a reasonable explanations for your votes
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-The mod will decide on an individual basis if votes from people outside the league will count

Soul: this was cool, really identified with the subject content, im actually pretty fascinated with human behavior i.e. attraction. i feel you did an excellent job capturing the mind set of someone who plays it too safe. not being themselves for fear of what it might mean for the progression of the relationship

i really enjoyed the opening conversation you used to set the tone. very appropriate, i almost felt there should of been an additional conversation at the end that kind of insinuated the characters continued "tight-rope" type relationship, his continued walk of balance between being who he wants to be and being the person he thinks he needs to be for this person he loves

They'll never honestly understand how perfect this is
Because I'll never douse you in metaphor or subservient wit
^this was sick, the second line specifically is a very poetic gesture to the object of his affection

i have to agree with Fresh on something though, you were unclear of your topic. this to me could be a number of things

Master of Disguise: he hides his true self in order to impress her

“Procrastination is like Masturbation; In the end you're just screwing yourself.”
^he's putting off revealing his true self, and its continuation of masked friendship can hurt the chances of developed attraction more than it helps..though i dont think this is your choice

A Shameful Existence: existing outside your true self for the benefit of another.

there is just too much room for error in interpreting what your topic was, which for me is important because when i read something, topically, i enjoy deducing the avenue the person took to reach the destination, the means to that end, and when the starting point is unclear, i feel slightly robbed of that experience

your flow/vocab/progression was all solid, no real complaints

overall this is a very good piece, just lacked a bit of clarity as far as what your topic was

Dex: Expertly paced, structured, plausible storyline.

this is exactly the kind of story i enjoy, something that is slightly supernatural, an edge of other worldly affairs. so on an enjoyment level, this was superb, exactly something i would want to write. (maybe even novel wise)

i really thought the tie of paint and ashes creating the portal to the past was clever, you also did a great job creating the beckoning from the painting, that allure id expect to see in a painting that progressively took life and called me into it

i got a vivid visual too of him before this stumbling into the mess he made, and just starting to arbitrarily clean and then catching the last standing painting, and inspiration hitting to improve/finish it

anyway, this was solid all around, and hands down my favorite from you, you had the proper balance between setting the scene and linear progression. i felt compelled to read all the way through and anticipating of the climatic end.

i wouldnt say it was predictable, but i felt this would be the avenue i would of taken, so it was slight expected. the ending that is. though i can also see several other plausible and good adaptations/possibilities so its not like there isnt an air of "whats gonna happen" to the piece

overall this was another great addition to your SS season

Breakdown
well, this was an excellent battle, may be my favorite Champ match yet, though for some reason i dont generally vote on the champ matches so its a small barrel to choose from. that aside, i felt Soul came with a much more "pretty" verse, very eloquent, emotionally charged/engaging piece. where as Dex, who although carries strong emotion as well, has a slightly less elegant feel to the writing, which isnt bad, it was just a tad under the tier of emotion that Soul was on. but again Dex wasnt necessarily lacking emotion, in fact he had alot of emotion in this piece. so Souls strength wasnt a weakness of Dex. Dex definitely flexed the story teller vibe, in which Soul wasnt lacking, but wasnt on the tier of that Dex was on. so it basically comes down to preference, and i tend to prefer the mix of strong story telling with an edge of emotion rather than the other way around. that paired with Soul's lack of clarity in his choice of topic, my vote goes as follows..

v. Dex

Again, this was a great battle, very much enjoyed reading it, G/L to both

Hurdling impossible blights - too many obstacles
Behind enemy lines I try and do the improbable
hearts doomed to the hospital - I'm the battlefield soldier
I'm the modern day Hercule's who grasps and wields boulders
A thrash unreal - colder and colder like the veins in my skin
Can't warm up until her harmonious harp starts playing again


so dope..

Your my other god - blazing phoenix or angry rocket
As I fall victim or triumph with this blatant honest..

again nice..

I liked how this was a love joint but you really didnt sacrifice manliness ya kno, I find when I try to write a love joint shit gets sappy and I sound like a little bitch, I liked the metaphor about it being a war and your a solider a modern day hercules I thought although its a slightly played concept that it was worded really well and it came off as your own,

nice verse.

dex man, wtf, shit was just too dope.. it would take me so fuckin long to even write half that story.. yet week in and out you come droppin some gems man, how you find the time to craft shit like that?

I think the concept and execution was just flawless, rarely did i have a problem with the wording, the flow was pretty tight for the most part.

vote dex

dukes prior ripped the verses with the breakdowns, there is really not much to say dex went beast mode

vote- dex....more complexity, more imagery, more emotion, just a dope all around verse...edit- a little birdy told me that soul gave you permission to go over the line limit...so I won't yell at you for that...tho I will say...when are your opponents going to learn?????

Soulstice- I liked your storyline, it was unique, some of your lines were a little long, but you managed to capture the essence of a youth's love very well, and I def felt the emotion in this piece. "youre the fork in the road" and after, was prob my fave part of your whole verse, very poetic and engaging. Not a bad verse at all, just couldnt match up to Dex.

well, I felt soulstice's piece could have started out a bit better but I definitely liked what it developed to.. I don't think it could stand against dex's back to the future/painting/bittery effect story.. Now I didn't feel like dex's piece was flawless, because it wasn't.. There were forced wording issues that I was noticing and a missing word or misspells.. But I also felt like you had something there.. I think if you tidy it up and add a few things to it you could have something crazy. as it is though I feel like it might be missing some things but you definitely get the w here.. Soul, I liked your rhymes for the most part and I preferred the ladder half of your piece but it just didn't have enough steam to keep up with dirty dex'..

v: dex

8-0.. crazy shit.. good stuff Dex.