Facing the Wall

Facing the Wall

This wall wont even look me in the eyes.
I interpret the cracks to read its mind,
but it just sits there. Utterly silent.

My arms are crossed like a straitjacket,
keeping me from tearing this fucking place apart.
Fingers dig deep in my ribs,
looking to grasp one to cut myself free with.
The entrails spill to my feet, no pain,
just a hopeless emptiness.
I guess I’m not original, though.
Most people admit to feeling empty
but admitting to the hopelessness takes a set of balls.

So in theory, I’m fearless. That’s why my back is turned.
The disgust in her voice is like
a Freudian Mother-God wanting nothing more but to abort me.
No swaddling, just a hook through my throat to
pull me back out from my secure staring contest.
She’s vacant, a projecting glare is all I feel.
Not like a sixth sense, but a literal stabbing in the back.
I know she’d love me to watch the motion of the knife,
a smile on that face of hers,
but I prefer to just keep reading my future in rivers of the wall.

My thighs are wet from the emasculating blood.
I couldn’t put a gun to her head because I'm scared of phallic symbols;
What's worse? I couldn't fuck the hole in her skull anyway.
That’s what I call desperate.
She used to have dirty knees because I loved feeling superior.
That is until she grew teeth, re-writing my Oedipal complex,
penning my narrative into something different all together.
Now I’m a faggot. No cock to grip or place to put it,
A secular eunuch trying to find a pair of voices to stand up for myself.

This wall wont even look me in the eyes.
I interpret the cracks to read its mind,
but it just sits there. Utterly silent.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...524/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...989/index.html

you've almost posted this a day ago and nobody has gave you any feedback. well i remember you, not your writing but the name. you gave me much credit for a piece that earned me my only PS HOF. Anyway, i liked this read dude. i am stoned saying this but i liked it. imagery was really good. I liked the part about her being vacant. and the part about being desperate and stuff. really sounded necrophilliac lol if that's how you spell it. by the way my name used to be Paranoid and the PS HOF was called "Funny Colors in My Magic Mushrooms" i usually use my writing skills to my advantage with my music.

hit me back here
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...061/index.html
a new solo track i did. everybody has ears whether you only feed text or audio.

This shouldn't be getting slept on. :( Sooo... I enjoyed it spoken. It had some really vivid imagery which I thought was good and the way you phrased it aided the imagery you already had going. My only query would be that there might be maybe a little too much punctuation. The piece in my opinion seemed quite emotional and lively but the punctuation made me read it slower than I think I should have. Anyway disregarding that since you were probably aiming for it to be read slowly it was good and as mentioned it showed some good emotion at points. My favourite but was probably this part;

'So in theory, I’m fearless. That’s why my back is turned.
The disgust in her voice is like
a Freudian Mother-God wanting nothing more but to abort me.
No swaddling, just a hook through my throat to
pull me back out from my secure staring contest.'

Well done man. Good, thought out poetry and it was an enjoyable read.

upping for feed

Well I liked this piece more this time than the first time I read it, I think this had something to do with the fact that I've had a goo night's sleep and can appreciate the concept more. You don't get clever poetry here as much as I'd like to see, most of it is towards invoking emotion in a reader. This piece however is something different. It's not preachy, which at times you can get, and rather drives the point home hard with the aid of intelligent concepts, precise vocabulary and interesting progression.

I liked the piece, also I'll be nominating it.

Very good read...

man this piece had a lot vivid imagery that really captured my imagination..
the first couple lines i pictured you talking to some one who is so stub-burn its like talking to a wall and going literally crazy trying to get your point across...

towards the middle it got intense and kind of vengeful with an almost calm anger...like the calm before the storm..

the last set of lines really took off with the imagery..the words you selected made the poem come to life..my fav part....

"No swaddling, just a hook through my throat to
pull me back out from my secure staring contest.
She’s vacant, a projecting glare is all I feel.
Not like a sixth sense, but a literal stabbing in the back.
I know she’d love me to watch the motion of the knife"

"My thighs are wet from the emasculating blood.
I couldn’t put a gun to her head because I'm scared of phallic symbols;"

very good read indeed i enjoyed your writing...upz