Winter to Spring Part 2

Winter to Spring Part 2

I awake to birds chirping, Welcoming me into a new day
Cool breeze from the window, warm sunrays on my face
Rub my eyes to clear my vision, look at my yard, images come and go
Green grass glistens back, Flowers form my personal rainbow
Hastily pull on some shorts, head to my porch to greet the morn
Sit and stretch in a chair and reminisce, about beauty that has gone
Robins play tag in the air, as squirrels play Hide-and-seek
Ants scurry to build hills, while butterflys circle at my feet
A single rabbit sneaks its way, into my garden at full bloom
Watch stems wilt at its weight, And exquisite flowers become food
Dragonflys immitate Sparrows, darting one place to the next
While crows circle overhead, scouting for certain signs of death
But none to be found this morning, Beauty outshines every other
With Cardinals and Bluejays show off, competing for purest color
Lawn mowers in the distance, blends together with chirps and wind
Slight goosebumps start to form, as refreshing air massages my skin
Not a cloud disrupting the sky, A blue sea drowns out my instability
Everything at equalibrium, hypnotize by unified swaying leaves
One with nature as I sit, carefully over see every occurance
All my subjects behave splendid, as if they notice my observance
What a truly gorgeous beginning, to a perfect summers day
Happily lost in another realm, without any worries or disarray

:sex: I guess this is cool for bright sunny skip along day

^dont you dare hit on my benny boy!.. biotch!

this is tight for a poetry thing it was like a picture in my head.. i didnt enjoy it as much as part 1 tho.. iono y... and poetry is dope.. you can pick up chicks.. or BEN

wow, this is way better than your last one. the set up and flow of this poem were perfect for poetry. the image you place in my head about spring also was superb. you describe things sooo clearly it made me think i was there < really) the vocab was good.. try for you next poem not to make the piece rhyme. see how you cope with that. good piece man. keep it up. pz

Refreshing.. easily related to.. i luv spring.. u captured all the abstract ideas pretty perfectly.. all the colors, smells, sounds etc were vivid an this piece was alive..

good job dude.

Thanks guys...up....vets?

I used to write poetry and then i just started rapping but if a girl wants a poem she still gets one...all sappy and lovey dovey.... you had good imagery ..the summer......is almost here so this is a good topic that most can relate to....i'm a crew member so this prolly don't mean shit.. but i nominate for good poetry thingy of the month...

nice drop.... good imagery..it seemed that you went more
in depth with your description of the scene in this one, than
you did in part one....which i think always helps w/ the
visualization of the piece...good job, a very enjoyable read
keep it up....

- peace -

damn i wish spring came in in va like that...all sunni and happi...but yea i saw wut u let me see...so nice on the imagery...the flow was kept and the vocab was up there...very nice drop...even if im not so inspired by the seasons i do appreciate the poem...loverly...nuthin but respect...-shi-

Good imagery, I liked how you kept each line near the same syllables so it's stayts smooth...

Basically agreeing with everybody else

thanks all...uppin this

Great poem... you had some great descriptions of your surroundings, made me really feel like it was spring... for some reason it reminded me of the shire in Lord of the rings

What definately stood out was your vocabulary... you had some excellent stuff going there, especially the line with "equalibrium" or whatever the hell u spell it like

Rhyme scheme was simple and easy to read... all round a great drop... keep at it!

it's o.k

even it's about the weather

^^ actually its not really all about the weather, you should read posts before you comment could help you out some.

MAN! how i wish it was summer now, to feel the sun's warmth again, to swim and wear shorts and tank tops.......man this poem makes me wish it was summer now so bad!!!!! lol. but really i think you did a good job taking everything into sight, it seems like you got everything around you into this, everything that was happening, thou it coudl always be more detailed, right down to the tangliing lines on a leave, thou i felt you put in a good ammount of information. you kept this warm feeling in this piece with such a relaxed feelign to it too. it was easy to read and brought many happy memories to me actually.

T

Lunatic ibviously didn't read this....Thankd Wogzta and Filed...much apreciated

up over Timeless lol....

uppin

jeez...please? Sumone?

This is ridiculous

... As 'SHI',' said i wish summer was like that around my area, tasteful imagery
really loved the way you expressed yourself before breakfast, with the birds,
dragon flies and butterflys. I definately like this one, nice to read, makes you feel the summer jus reading from it, really quite something this... Peace ...

Uppin

Uppin for more cool people to peep lol...please?

Well, you asked for Vet's and cool people, sorry but you'll have to setttle for plain old bounce!

Lyric, you are indeed an up and comming poet here on RB. I have known that for some time now, but this second drop proves to me, you can take constructive critisism, and apply it to your work. That in my mind is a true measure of one's gift. If one can incorperate the suggestions of thier fellow members, then that one, is more involved with the work, than thier self! Only a real poet will put the work on a pedastool, and ground them self. Too many try to force the piece, or make it revolve around them. That is a major mistake, the poem should be first and for most at all times. It's not about the indiviual it's about the expression. I think you have that down pcked my friend. A hearty congradulations on that, it's of utmost importance when writting for effect.

I liked this second drop, it was smooth and light. It was a bit more complex than the first, which to me is a great plus. I detected the multies, some of which seemed forced (could of got by without), but not enought to take away from the piece. It just caused some parts to flow, more so than the rest. Tone was well done, I felt your mood at the time. Mellow relaxed and just in awe of your suroundings. Nice job on that. Some of the rhyme patterns you used (mulites) were not neccasary in a drop like this (focused on nature). I just think it took away slightly from the complexity you wove into this piece. Sometimes the two complelment eachother, other times they contrast, depending on the subject and style of the piece. I am no expert and do not claim to be, so don't take my words for more than they are worth to you. Overall this was a really good second drop, and a great way to follow up on your first. I enjoyed the read and can tell where you made those slight alterations from the last drop. Like I said up at the top, that is the true measure of a poet. I think you are well on your way to becoming a common name in RB's poety section. It's been a long while since I contributed here, but many of the members such as filed to name one, can remember when this forum was filled with remarkable talents. It seems as if the changing of the gaurd so to speak is upon us again. You guy's are doing a great job, please keep it up and encourage eachother to do the very best work you can.

Expression is more than an art, it's a way of life!
~Bounce~

good imagery.... liked the care-free child-like feeling it gives. Could use some improvements on vacabulary and multis, but all in all nice work. pz

Thanks $pit...and thanks Bounce...really appreciate it

uppin for a few more opinions

please?

Damn..shits pathetic at times

see above post

please?

I havent read the last one but this one was creative no doubt great description of surroundings....spring..spring..wow Vocab was high but ok to make a good poem doesnt really need alot of vocab just alot of emotions and imagery. Nice one lyric

Ok.

A nice poetic piece here.
As ever in poetry..
.. Imagery is a must.
And you had lots of it.
I can nicely picture the scenes that you described in my head.
Im not really a poetry person.
But I know a good piece when I see one.
This was nice.
Hit this up if you will, please.
Only need one more vote..
Freeman Vs T West (Topical.)
Thanks, man.
Peace.

well done. This was a very nice read and you had a grasp of what you were writing here. I haven't read the first part but I wasn't really concerned this stood on its own.
It was a nice poem, great imagery and a nice poetic flow.

i think your doing a good job of exploring from what i've read of you so far. Continue to explore... thats the only advice worthy of giving because your shit seems structurally sound but, oh.. I think you missed a plural somewhere but I'm on a different page so I can't remember which word.
ha.

Anyway, continue to explore with poetic style.... read others a lot.... nice shit.
...and like I said in that other thread of yours man you gotta stop upping your shit so much... you did like 7 times in one page in this thread.... not cool, there are others in this forum as well...
anyway good work.

.peace.