Strung Love - Starts At The Bass.

Why I Picked You Back Up:
Strung Love


For all the time combined, that sits at the back of my mind
I never ONCE put you down when I was smacking a line..

Still while I was acting a joke, & carried on racking the smokes
Dr. Frost warned me of a marriage to a packet of snow..

But I'm different..
..as I've always had the glow of ignorance.



I'm a typical brother & a lover of music, my Mother confused it
With a work dodging son who just wouldn't do shit.
Telling me, direction was useless.. she's a clueless enemy
& she only ever passed on her ruthless energy.
Her man was her center piece, & while he preached "I better be"
A teen on the streets, could see the future ahead of me.
To start busking a legacy, while small change made me, & my bass
Get to taste food, & make do - as the city's familiar face.
Became a linear race, which made hot bins & steam holes homely
Cuz for people who know me..
..know four strings kept me from being lonely.
If only..

E: I could be the person my Father always wanted me to be.
A: My Mother was only here to see..

So a year passed with severe aches in my back from the concrete
Cracks in the floor, that I asked for when I came on the streets?
I'm famed for deceit now, cuz I took the leace of a vow & failed
Wishing my letters of pitty would stop getting lost in the mail.
For each stamp that fails, puts another bar to the door in my jail.
& another nail impales, an already crucified complexion thats pale.
ALL HAIL!
The white ghost who's trail is whiter than the coke in his nose.
Would it have helped those confused, if I'd spoken in prose?
Or as poetry goes? To define those who actually asked right.
Religious boffs working at night:
"So the Demon come in the darkness, to hand you a black life?"
For I, was constantly shaded by the black light, & what was said
Was simply seeking reformation with them.. or wind up dead.

D: They could see in my eyes, and see through the lies..
G: That I might hate the world, but its me I despise.




With renewed positivity, a feul in me picked my bass back up
Back to busking the streets hoping I could rake back luck.

With my hate smacked shut, money in pocket to reform old tricks
Surely a brother has the time for one last fix?

I'm different..
..as I've always had the glow of ignorance. I'm never alone..
Say a prayer for the bums who never made it home.

BECAUSE YOU WALK PAST & IGNORE THEM EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Dope. I'm supposing he's a bum who plays an instrument. I like how u gave each string a symbol. Its makes the emotion in the piece stand out more. I like the opening parts..it came together dope. U have a way of setting up cliche`s in ur style that reminds me of my old style. Which just makes u doper. So no complaints. Reply to my if he knew me now.

Nuggka

Nice....Very nice.

I liked this piece...isnt this what you won SS with ?.....Anyways i thought this piece has a powerful presence lol....The emotion in here was good and where you had imagery it worked nicely.....Your precision in here i thought was nice, everything seemed to be in the right place na mean....Your vocabulary was nice also and your flow was tight, it was able to read nice and easy....Overall - i liked this piece you did a good job and goodluck with SS this season...Stay Up. :thumbup:

This was good...

I dunno about any technical things or whatever... but I enjoyed reading it, and thats what counts...

and nothing was glaringly wrong wording wise and such

cheers...

good stuff


now go read that ink blot thing that bounce posted

Thanks and I'll hit yours ^ up tonight.

Bump.

Brix, I actually hit this piece up in SS when you and Bounce did the final, but I was just wondering man if you could check Pakaveli and I's collab, it's called "Trapped in My Own Mind" and it's on the front page of OM, if you could give it a read and tell us your opinion it would be very appreciated, we need all the real lyricists we can to check it out and tell us what we did wrong and right. =D

(sorry to use your thread to call attention to my own. This shit is dope. I've just already said that and I don't wanna regurgitate the same feedback)

Great read D.H, this is the first piece of yours I've read however I will be on the lookout for more from you.

The musical imagery with the bass and the open notes from each string at the beginning of each connector worked really well in my opinion. Aside from that the emotive tone of the verses was strong and your imagery is easily visualised

Your multi scheme is tight and originally placed, added real value to the flow of the piece.

My only constructive criticism is the spelling error I picked up in a couple of places. Otherwise great work. Keep the ink flowin'

ONE LOVE
Elusive

P.S I would appreciate if you could unlock my thread titled "alone" in open mic as I have 2 feedback links to edit into the post. I'm fairly new to this site and didnt completely understand the rules on posting, thanks

for some reason i just couldn't get with this piece, the wording and narritive stand point are what turned me off i think. the past tense 'my mother did this...' stuff is kind of throwback hip-hop storytelling, which, on track sounds good but on text it just doesn't work the same for me. i really like the overall concept and message of the piece, the subtle play on words was nice aswell. it was a well written piece, just not nessisarily my style, good job though.

Thanks. I'll hit up as many pieces as I can tomorrow.

I like how u gave each string a symbol. It makes the emotion in the piece stand out more and expressive as well.
- Matt with https://concretecypress.com/

That shit was mad deep and beautiful at the same time. Personally made me think too and that's what writing is about as well... how we relate. When someone understands how you feel or defends your side. Even if it's a disagreement - it's open and could be resolved. I always thought the most disrespectful shit ever is when someone get mad and don't even tell you why, Especially for me cause most times I know I didn't even do shit and it's all probably based on a rumor or lie.