To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
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To Sappho
Written By .Mirage. & Nyce
Grandeza Collective
For love I pray the gods would give me peace
From eyes that speak of thrills and things untamed,
More lovely than one ever could conceive,
More wild than the sea with love aflame.
I love thee, but thy love remains not won,
My dear, with endless beauty clothed around.
The chains of silence on thy silver tongue
Must break ere peace for me is finally found.
For ages, man has loved and died unheard,
But I won't be so bound, no, not this fool!
And hesitating, trembling on a word,
Thy lips could not seem sweeter, nor more cruel.
The endless world seems ruthless and unkind,
Without thy tender lips to speak my name.
I sail without a star on seas of time
And pass my days in shadow and in shame.
An ye would by my one, my love, my own,
I'd drag the oceans for a pearl so bright
Though, next to thee, appearing like a stone,
'Twould shame Selene in her nocturnal flight.
Without thy love I fear I cannot live.
I know such sentiment cannot be bought.
Though vain would be the worth, to thee I'd give
The whole world's weight in gold for such a thought.
O dream a dream of flowers and I'll bring
A meadow full of roses to thy side.
And if ye tire of such transient things,
I'll draw thee down the moon abreast the tides.
Thy beauty is the ancient and unknown,
Helena pales before thy hopeful grace.
Persephone's a cold and loveless throne,
To Sappho's pure and violet-framed face
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
Definitely a great collab my dude. People shouldn't sleep on this one. Nice working with you.
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
i thought this was a decent piece though i expected a different style with the topic you chose. but it's still a creative/original topic, you did good with it. your imagery was pretty strong and your word choice was pretty good. very nice read men, the flow was at a good pace. I enjoyed this piece dudes, nice job.
Hit up 'When We Were Kids'. Almost beat Burden with it in IE.
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
^yeah
*more in depth feed please.
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
Hmmmm, this was real nice
the italic lines were yours mirage correct? if i am which i think i am seeing as i know little about you as a writer(who are you) i was impressed, using that A-B-A-B line style to mesh the two similar styles together was a good idea, it almost seemed like you Mirage were supposed to focus more on description than nyce, because your parts were very informative, Nyce as always you were the clear cut better poet in terms of imagery and emotion which when complemented by Mirage's language was really a showing of talent. while Mirage didn't match your skills line for line it was clear you weren't just carrying him either. Good job to both.
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
I really enjoyed this poem. It is so much fun to collaborate with good writers. I agree with Truth, as it definitely seems like mirage's writing was more focused on visual imagery, where as Nyce's parts were concerned with moving the reader through the poem. Using that older dialect is tough, as you can miss some places where words might be required to stay within the tone of the piece. I noticed a few of these in the poem. Like using my instead of something else, etc. Overall, though, it was a pretty well worked out concept and I enjoyed the language coupled with the use of dialect. A lot of poets stray from dialect usage because it can be tricky, so it was nice to see someone trying to go there and pull it off fairly well.
Return the favor?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-366747.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ns-366577.html
Re: To Sappho-Grandeza Collective
Thanks for the feed guys.
