Star Wars - The Broken Jedi

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

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Exile Plains, Dantooine
Year: 22 BBY

Sentenced to diminish a family of exiles, our enemies apparently,
I’m troubled with the struggle of denial when I spot their canopies dangling.
Why should a mother and her children suffer for another man’s sins,
when the Jedi send orphans to murder those who can’t defend?
I can’t pretend any of this makes sense, my hands shake drastically,
I feel the mother’s heart break tragically as our engines fade rapidly.
The ladder lays casually, my men wait for direction but I hesitate to lead,
As if to meditate in peace but without ease, why heavy plate marines?
I was sent a death squad for unarmed civilians, is this pain I breathe?
Why do I seek things that I was never trained to see? Her eyes seem
filled with fear and disbelief, not the beast the council painted this life to be!
I contemplate… devastated by the crimes my masters try to sweep.
So from behind I swing my saber, annihilating soldiers ordered to kill,
abandoning my duty to shield her family from the fields, fighting forward with will.
“Run for the hills!” I scream while putting my training to work,
A beam vaguely grazes my knee but there’s no time for saying it hurt.
Laying in dirt, men who trusted me to lead them through an easy victory,
bleeding endlessly, I refused to abuse my part in their greedy history.
I’m bound to get marked a traitor, but I cannot cater to old Jedi lies,
when I joined the order, it was to protect the helpless, a code I stand by.
A soldier on the radio, “the Jedi ambushed my squad, it’s a gruesome fight,”
when a councilman responds placing Order-86; meaning to shoot on sight.
I pull him out from beneath the ship, he pleads for my forgiveness,
“You didn’t do anything wrong, simply followed your orders as a blind witness.”
He cried into that goodbye... as my lightsaber ignited his chest…
Labeled a rogue Jedi… taking the ship to begin my righteous quest…

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Republic Executive Building, Coruscant

Ah yes, the Jedi Code - Peace, knowledge, no passion for serenity
Blasphemous is its’ legacy, now I stand to give him clemency
But the foolish boy does not seek the pardon, his features harden
Meek and tarnished, motioning now for our troops to release his harness
You see... I appear now as nothing more than a benevolent friend
And disguise my desire to see the Light brought to a desolate end
A petulant sin, foregoing the tenants of Bane
But perhaps they’ll know Sidious as a more menacing name
The men that he’s slain, merely steps to this greater goal
For the Jedi that we do not kill, we must take control
The vacant souls, turned empty when bound within chains
Without victory, this boy would topple and drown in the pain
What sound would remain, when the Republic turns from you
Do you feel it?
It burns from you! An ever waking darkness that could learn from you!
I understand - it was passion that drove you to take their lives
Forsake their cries, and forbid cruelty from those that say who dies
Tell me, was it their foolish teachings that truly guided your hand?
Or was it the absence of power that divided the land
A silent demand, you want more strength so that you may break the chains
The hate remains, I can offer a hand, but you must take the reins
Become mine, and the Order need not know what I alone orchestrated
Our war is fated, the primitive Light will see its’ scores abated
On Dantooine, you took the first step toward the path of freedom
But your Republic would call this an act of treason
It stands to reason, for the Dark to triumph and Power to rule
Then one must not visit mercy upon simpletons and cowering fools
From on High, they would cast you out without the grace to fall
Not seeing this hidden power that could save us all
So rise now and strike me, let it set you free
Be reborn under a rule of the Sith as the next to be
Alight your blade and heed the foe that your sword reckons
For as the light recedes… the dark side of the force beckons


To be continued...



First Verse - Soule'
Second Verse - Slyfe

On the first one I liked how I can relate it to my personal life a lot. And I get it... my sister is a survivalist with a bag packed in case shit ever pop off... I always used to joke with her about having to kill me because I am the weakest link. It also made me laugh cause my confirmation name and saint is Gabriella... in that movie Constantine where in the end she betrays God I just laughed when he said someone doesn't have your back no more. But sometimes it is like there is a god who hates me. I just really can't understand why.

- - - Updated - - -

The second one was a little too dark for me. But reminded me how it's like when someone asks you if you can keep a secret and you say yeah but then they tell you the secret and HELL NO you ain't keeping or protecting that.Like... then we have elitest that swear they better and gonna keep shit in order like they trapping bodies... but like most people can't bow to someone they don't respect. The force in itself gross and cruel. Show me an order not 5 facists on my roof in the shade. Everyone needs a flashlight or candle in the dark.

Dont mind me, just recycling feedback from the other site hahaha. . .

so, ill admit that i have been avoiding this one mostly due to laziness lol. . . Before i jump into this, i feel like i need to explain something first, this will have weight on any feedback pertaining to the verses themselves.

so,
I have seen all the star wars movies made. However, i never got invested into the story lines. In fact, The Mandalorian is probably the only thing in the Star Wars universe where i can genuinely say i follow and know the story line pretty good. I know a lot of star wars nerds that follow the entire story, know all the intricate details and "did you knows" of the movies.... I am far from that person. Just knowing that Darth Vader is Luke's father should earn me a slow clap. I never really got into the story and mythos of it all. I simply watch these movies for cinematic effects .... visually what i see on my big ass 4K TV pumping crazy bright colors against a dark contrasting canopy, and what im hearing out of my 9.2.2 Dolby Atmos surround sound. The characters. development. story and all that other jazz is just details i rather not be bothered with in such a long standing series of movies lol. . . so with that rant out of the way . . . lets goooooooooo. . . .

First we have up Soule. I would have wrote an Intro and stylized the font to resemble the intro to the movies because im silly like that lol. But im feeling nice, so i want penalize you for it hahaha. My first criticism and this is a very minor thing that takes nothing away. . and again, take this with a grain of salt because like. . what the fuck do i know about Star Wars. . . But, i dont feel like the landscape and city scape images really add anything to this. The star wars image at the top is cool. Its a nice title piece but the others (to me) just seem to be there for no particular reason since very little in the verse seems to attach itself to the image. You wrote from the perspective on a Jedi that was giving orders that land him in a moral dilemma that forces him to go against his own code. The imagery was great. Your really brought out his inner turmoil. He eventually turns and defends the villagers against the Jedi and giving them a chance to flee as he commences battle. This is a cool story and good way reimagine not only a star wars saga, but what its really like to be a Jedi and the politics involved. Again, im sure there are references that might call back to the movies that will go over my head that if in there, would have certainly went over my head. . . but the mechanics were solid, the progression was nice and i really liked this verse. Moving on to Slyfe, OK so, if i have this right, Slyfe is guiding you towards the dark force or whatever it is. He seems to draw more influence from the movies in his verse. Again, im sure that really knowing the movies gives this all more meaning... Your verses really do compliment each other. The transition is nice and my only small critique again is that i don't really see what the image adds to the verse. Cool that you guys left it open ended so the saga can continue, unfortunately, with Slyfe's long absence, that might never happen.

anywho, this really built up into a nice first volume in yalls series. . . hope to see a second one at some point.

Came together nice you two! Definitely felt cohesive and like one person writing more than a collaboration. I didn’t even really realize it was a collab until I got to the end which is what I think the best collabs should read like in the written form. The Jedi/sith vibes were captured but I think you guys did a great job of not going full Star Wars with it and making it sort of relatable on an emotional level as well. You brought the real life aspect into it and you both complimented each other in a big way. I can’t really complain about anything here. It was a smooth read with a non-stop flow. I’ve always been able to read Soule’s stuff smoothly since were were young writers and it’s always refreshing to see that you don’t get worse over time and only improve. The language of the first half has an urgency to it and a sense of forgiveness and retribution for the bad things happening around those characters. The 2nd half is obviously a lot darker and more sinister, sort of honing in on the target drawn for us in the first half. Like I said, it was a cool read! Keeping the written alive with your writing y’all. Super entertaining beginning to end.

I'm not trying to me, me, me the board because I am SO happy people are coming back. I've never been into Star Wars but it's the last movie I watched with my recently late father and I was kind of like what the fuck cause they finally kiss and then the world blows up. I walked out of there not knowing if I should laugh or be mad.