What makes me cold.

Yo yo yo i want to tell everybody, who the new mc around here is so check this out.....

yo yo yo hear my flow
its too cold
for u hoes
that just do not know how to show
any respect for the man
that just fights wit big man
throws ur head through the window
and leaves ur wife living single
just cause u had to say the wrong words
cause thats how i am i suppose
im representing all the gangstas in chitown foe
if u didnt like this fuck it i dont want more war though
its already too much what i got on the streets
tryin to suvive from shots hidin behind trees
and cops dont like me for smokin trees
im sorry i aint worth it


hey well i think this one was dumb but FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thefinger


oh and hey im new!!! what do i need to know? lol

man ill try to keep this positive since you new...


well wha you need to do is go to the help section down at the bottom of the main page and read as much as you can. Read about Multies, internals, mets. and sims. for this um.... verse ... you used a real weak flow , you only ryhmed last words, and most of it didnt make any sense BUT that not what matters, what matters is that you check out the help section man for real

if u didnt like this fuck it i dont want more war though

uh i guess this is alright ......... more and war ryhme...... but uh..... just do waht i said and keep spittin

payce.

lol yea alright thanks for the help. its cause im just begining to do this lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Re. Says. P. Says.

man ill try to keep this positive since you new...


well wha you need to do is go to the help section down at the bottom of the main page and read as much as you can. Read about Multies, internals, mets. and sims. for this um.... verse ... you used a real weak flow , you only ryhmed last words, and most of it didnt make any sense BUT that not what matters, what matters is that you check out the help section man for real

if u didnt like this fuck it i dont want more war though

uh i guess this is alright ......... more and war ryhme...... but uh..... just do waht i said and keep spittin

payce.

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uhhh... what he said.... nah man, it's obvious u new. u did a few things wrong here, first off your flow was not. i mean, i started to feel it but then it changed. it's probably not a good idea to change the feel of your flow on a piece this short. second you used the same word to rhyme, twice, that's kind of a no no. you only want to do that when the word before it rhymes such as:
"keep out of rap stick with being a trash MAN
or better yet, maybe workin as a gas Man"
obviously that was weak, but it was just an example ya check, but keep it up. read the help section, and post again, that's all anyone can do right? oh yeah, and hit me up at: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...73#post1926673

oh, yeah, and post links to two open mics you've left feedback on.

well first of all, i had a whole new thing right here u know the reply thing, but then i read the if you think you smart, pres ctrl+W thingy and i pressed it and lol it all got erased. and yea i went to the help section and i got some tips right now. so thanks yall ill come back wit something better i promise!


oh yea i forgot what u mean wit leaving the links for the two feedbacks

yeah you got to elevate a lil bit, but dont stress everybody starts out like this. i dont have time right now cuz i gotta go off to work, but pm me and i will give you a real nice breakdown of this and give you some pointers. also i see some real potential pm me and lets get a collab. in the mean while can you peep my om.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161742

mmhhhh what makes me cold is standin' in a blizzard in just my leopard skin thong....just thought I'd share me experiences....ELEVATE...pz

ok i cant str8 diss ya shit cuz its wrong,,some constructive cristism homie stick to tryin to be a gangsta an dodgin them "bullet"s cuz rappin aint for everybody,,,aight its love

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this closed, Thanks.

your fuckin gay

i aint gonna hate cause your new, this was just average the flow and structure was off you just need to keep writing and experimenting with flows and you'll improve.

You need to work on your rhyming. The best way to do that is to keep writing. It'll be good for you to check out the help section and learn about structure.
Check mine out "Diss Voice."

I liked it. However, it was just average the flow and structure was off you just need to keep writing and experimenting..
- Edward with https://www.elkgrovetrees.com