Forsaken Past

[shawty"B"]

walking down the long winding road of life
people pass by seeing husband and wife
Thousands of deaths, some by gun or knife
Faces enlightend wigh huge and bright smiles
So many people in deep thought that run miles
Deep coversations wondering if lifes worth while

I have seen couples in the deepest of true love
Theres also been fights when push goes to shove
All things freeze to watch stars and lights above
Thinking of this, there isn't anything i haven't seen
I've watched it all from broken heart to broken spleen
Even in dreams Ive watched the wildest things unseen

Undreapt of, I've seen amazing history thats been made
Unto the wall I stare, watching as the pictures all fade
Watching from behind a wall as people die from a blade
Not a single person can say that they have seen all this
All feelings expressed and seen from horror to internal bliss
Because you have to understand, within this lies a twist

Through out one's life it may not have come to mind
Given chance to cheat death we send the dreamer, blind
Don't ponder this, the twist is the one that was left behind
The twist that I speak of always ends up in one's mind last
Everyone has walked by, whether it had been slow or fast
Bless this one true child who has died of this forsaken past


(i know that this isn't my usual type of poem, but its something that i just randomly started thinking of....you have to kinda think a little bit to understand it

....bless)

[shawty"B"]

..........................

[DthsMissingAngel]

I think I kind of understand it. But if I did or not, I really liked this. The imagery was amazin and the emotion was deep. The scheme and the vocab were good. This isnt like your other writings like you said, but I liked it nonetheless. Sorry for the short crit. But keep up.

[shawty"B"]

thanks dths. i aprreciate it. and the reason that i didnt make this one like all of my others is cause its not my true emotion. it didnt happen to me.

uppin.

....bless

[Verbatim]

Sup "B"

This is a good piece....Cuz like the cat above said, there was really good imagery in this...I was reading and picturing things that i've seen. All though you say it's not your true emotion, there is emotion in this piece...whether it's from you, something you feel...or something that you understand the feeling of....i dunno....what i'm talking about, ya know Empathy and Sympathy, learned that at my new job haha....

Anyway i liked this piece...you've elevated alot since i've been here, I',mma drop something in the next few days.....so watch for it.....

Peace

[shawty"B"]

whats up verbatim! great to hear from yah! hows things goin? im glad that you like this one and thanks for the compliment. ill be lookin out for that new poem of yours! lata


....bless

[Foreshadow]

The emotion was really good. Everything ran pretty high in this one. I was feeling this part alot.

Undreapt of, I've seen amazing history thats been made
Unto the wall I stare, watching as the pictures all fade
Watching from behind a wall as people die from a blade
Not a single person can say that they have seen all this
All feelings expressed and seen from horror to internal bliss
Because you have to understand, within this lies a twist

[Ever Dream]

thanks shadow. im glad yah liked it.

(everyone, this is shawty"B" by the way)

....bless

[Mistral]

I Know you leave a ton of feedback too on a lot of pieces, but if you could just leave a link so we know, it would be appreciated and easier on us Thanks

[shawty"B"]

yeah i can do that............

[shawty"B"]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post1586467

[R. Frost]

This was a really good piece and like you said before it isnt like your other pieces but it is good to mix it up a little bit... Your imagery in this piece was excellent and your emotion was good aswell... I was really feeling your rhyme scheeme... I liked how you did the triple rhyme then swithced it... I was really feeling this piece keep switching it up ma

[Twizted Ayngel]

For writing about something that didn't happen to you, this was so emotional. It was amazing. Great imagery, nice little flow to it, and great emotion. Very nice piece, like everyone said - not like your others - but still great none-the-less.

[Bounce]

Another good read shawty, but I'm going to have to close this due to our two threads active rule. PM a Mod if you would like another thread closed instead.

-Bounce