The Columbine Shootings

[Tim]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141859
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141817


These Days you'll Solomn-Find Parents who are qualified
Too Blinded by Dollar-Signs to help thier Kids Fall-in-Line
That's why these Columbine kids wont Appologize
Unloadin All-thier-Nine into the Column-of-your-Spine
We heard the Motto-of-Aknowledgement-from-Politics
We watched these Colorado-Kids-Swallow-Hollow-Tips
We watched the Cops Behind thier Cars Hiding-from-the-Killin
While Teachers went inside-the-Buildin tryin to Find-the-Children
I guess it's easier for the News to Blame-the-Neuisance
On a Game Claiming-that-The-Music was the Main-Influance
Dark-Thoughts-that-they're-Learnin-from-Older-Kids
Spark-Shots-as-the-Murder-Explodes-and-Rips
To Mark-Spots-using-Burners-with-Scopes-Equipped
In the Parking-Lots-where-they're-Turning-and-Loading-Clips
The Cops-Said-Two-Kids Shot-at-the-Students
Possibly-Influenced and Lost-in-the-Music
Causin-a-Neusaince they Laid-em-in-thier-Tomb
Brain Washed from Playin-Doom and Stayin-in-thier-Room
They came home beaten up, thier Parents-Didn't-Care
They had thier Carrots-living-Fair plus some Arrogance-to-spare
Now the Terror's-in-the-Air, we Bought-alotta-Coffins
They Got-the-Shottys-Poppin, and Shot-the-Bodies-Droppin
The Slaughters-Often-Stop when the Officers-and-Cops-Arrive
Cautious-to-Survive, Alotta Hostages-Lost-Thier-Lives
Back then the Violence was Gullier-Then-Now
The Bullys-made-'em-Bow like they're Holier-then-Thou
If they Only-would-Allow you to Go-About-your-Buisness
On the Slower-Route-of-Distance all Alone-without-Assistance
Then the Whole-Amount-of-Interest of Lunch-Money-Paid
Would make it so Some-Sunny-Day, they're gonna Wanna-Run-Away
Pull Another-Gun-and-Spray, Re-Load-the-Ammo
We Hold-the-Plan-So, Keep-Low-from-Vandles
Some People-can't-Handle when they Make-it-Bout-the-Name-Calls
Creepin-like-Commandos, Breakin-Out-the-Chainsaws
Nah that'd be too hard to Handle-wit-Packin-the-Gas
I Stand-in-the-Back-of-the-Class with Plans-for-Attackin-your-Ass
You Thought-it-was-Goin-Well, They Shot-with-a-Bullet-Shell
They Brought-during-Show-and-Tell, It's Hot-when-you-Go-to-Hell
The Dot-on-your-Skulpin-Gel Indicates-your-Fate
Cuz once you Instigate, some'd bound to Immitate-your-Hate
It's Big News Clappin Colombine with a Baretta
But the same things Happen all the Time up in the Ghetto
We Consider it Chillin seeing Incidents Buildin
In The Infinite Killin of our Innocent Children
Can thier Music-or-Favorite-Song force a Crew's-Aimer-Drawn?
Their Only Question was Who-Do-we-Blame-it-On?
So Bullys, don't attempt to make a Slave-for-your-Hell
There aint no Saved-by-the-Bell once you're Engraved-with-a-Shell



audio 6th one down
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/5/lilhovajrmusic.htm

[Tim]

common people uppin

[Nephil]

the-typing-like-this hurt my eyes - other than that a few minor places where the flow fell off - consistent multi's - I noticed you reused some words multiple times though - also seemed to get rather caught up in describing all the ways kids could kill their classmates - you could cut this in half and make it alot better - decent work overall - keep at it - peace

[G-Money]

nice drop, i like this : We heard the Motto-of-Aknowledgement-from-Politics
We watched these Colorado-Kids-Swallow-Hollow-Tips
that was sik....it was long but it was worth the read i like it alot good structure n nice vocab, i think u got skills i would like to hear this as an audio so if u every plan on droppin it let me know keep doin ya thang....gone

[Tim]

lol it is an audio on my page 6th one down on my sig

[troublemaker]

holy shit it seemed so real. there are not to many people who can write about real things that happened or that they went through. there are a few that come up every now and then but no alot. when i read this i had tears in my eyes because i had to do a report on this and it really made me upset. but overall this piece was really good, nice topic to write about and everything, in places it was a little shaky and the writing with - between the words was makin it a little harder for me to read but keep up the good work, and i hope to see more from you soon.
holla at me
Troublemaker