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Thread: Vent

  1. #1
    Banned Da Grinda's Avatar
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    Vent

    Thin spaces, tight narrow rooms, like hallways
    I be thinkin I'm gonna lose it soon, always
    Gonna snap like a band and be insane, for all days
    just collapse sit back, and watch the days fade away
    I be thinkin that it's gonna end soon, like a phase
    Cuz my life is full of ups and downs, like a maze
    And I'm confused I dunno what to do, I'm in a haze
    I might as well lets fate have it and do what it wants
    Cuz they way I'm doin it can't be good, not at all
    I feel like I'm loosing my balance, I'm gonna fall
    I need some help from someone to help, but who to call
    I just wish in my life that I just knew it all
    Last edited by Da Grinda; May 16th, 2005 at 04:30 PM

  2. #2
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    The first couplet had nice rhyming, you didn't stick with that scheme. The multis you had after that were alright, but I expected more internally because of the beginning. More description would have helped the imagery, you just seemed to hint at concepts but not fully developing them.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192481

  3. #3
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    it could be better. your stucture is ight flow is cool but you lack vocab and the imageyr is horrible.

  4. #4
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    Thnx uppin for more critics

  5. #5
    Back rile1's Avatar
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    I liked it a lot it was simple yet constructive, it would've been better longer and more descriptive and I would've enjoyed it more I didnt get any emotion, make it more descriptive and u'll have something man

  6. #6
    Banned Da Grinda's Avatar
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    Thnx, uppin for more

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