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Thread: Killing Ourselves

  1. #1
    bitch.
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    Killing Ourselves

    Killing Ourselves
    By Untouchable


    Divine sculptures of human voulchers, so tender n' diverse in blender
    A molded face, glazed-from-pace, intertwined in a place-not-safe
    Enter minds at risk, for pitifull stalkers of bliss carefully-miss
    Their Protection amidst, I repeatedly submit as if caught by the wind
    And countered by complex manners, expressed upon open banners
    I've blended into the world, camouflage and caught, and done as one
    Greed, pain, theft to feed, We pay schools to learn to read
    We're feeble in retreat, and so fucking blind in conceit
    We take lifes, force sex, abide laws so complex-
    And the government wont confess, just admit it...our worlds a fuckin mess
    Alley ways, walls weathered-by-age, infested with hobos boxed-in-a-cage
    Reflect on the centuries, and face the apithomy of penny deeds
    For we are killing each other, one after the other
    Dont believe, come see, look at the world through the eyes of me
    Travel distant screams, greed n' lust dreams full of combustable seams
    Yet, seems, when we hurt each other...and commit adultery with lovers
    We retaliate and seek revenge, destined-within-to-punish-sins
    Hopeless, key word...trust me, one day, we will be conquered
    A small army, country will tumble-seas and manipulate-a-catastrophy
    Philosophically I see dreams of this tiny army enjoying victory
    Killing off our people in obscene-manicures and bloody-blurrs
    Spend time in spas, while we kill each other w/o realizing the effect & cause
    Since todays united slogan is "Fuck-You-All", then UNITED...is how we shall-fall.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    The flow in this was real nice and consitent.. The vocab was also a real strong point for you in this piece.. I was feeling the content and everything went real nicely.. The imagery was good and overall this piece was real nice..

  4. #4
    Newbie DiMs_831's Avatar
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    i have to agree with 'Foreshadow'...the imagery was great...the flow came out easy...vocab was strong...all together this came out good...with nothing much negative about it...stay up bro

  5. #5
    Yeah I liked the word play in this. Could've flowed better, but then i'm not the one flowing it. It was very thoughtful, I'd like to hear that on wax. Keep that wordplay up, and keep the good vocab. But also try to improve on making every line make sense to the audience, you don't want them to be dumbfounded.

  6. #6
    bitch.
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    Thanks alot for the feed guys. Much appreciated.

    Uppin.

  7. #7
    bitch.
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    ^Fuck that...

    That herbish shit pisses me off. For real.

  8. #8
    soymilk!
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by -Untouchable-
    ^Fuck that...

    That herbish shit pisses me off. For real.
    huh?, oh yeah, i just looked through all the rules, i was supposed to leave a better comment. sorry about that.

    but anyway.

    i do infact dig it, i like the points you bring up and the way it flows together from political parts to more personal parts, it's got this sort of pissed off poet feel to it like someone who's fed up with shit, like it should be when speaking about politics.

  9. #9
    bitch.
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    No, Ur not gettin in this.

    And no, Ur not down with this.

    Get the fuck out of my thread.

    To the rest of U, thanks for the feed.

    Uppin.

  10. #10
    bitch.
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    Thanks.

    Uppin.

  11. #11
    bitch.
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    Uppin.

  12. #12
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    you had good flow with pretty strong vocab...i think at times the multis were a bit much but oh well... the imagry was okay... not great but okay.
    i think that you concept was good

    overall, a nice verse... not awesome, but good

  13. #13
    EternalDamnation
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    you had a nice verse man keep that shit up i like how you came with alot od multies but multies should of maid it have more flow going on pretty nice your flow was aight but nice your structure was okay i think you could of worked on it a bit but you have some skills from before nice way to elevate

  14. #14
    Newbie
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    man what more can i say.. every time i read your shit im in aaa!!! your shit is always nasty and never lets me down.. keep it up..

  15. #15
    bitch.
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    Thanks lol.

    Uppin.

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