Words on tombstones

[K9_THESHIT]

Words on tombstones





Life echos slow inside of my decaying flesh,
Death flows and grows inside,spraying ash..
..Thoughts decompose,memories erode under the burden of cascading time,
I'm drained of life like a weathered rose..an old metaphor for a fading rhyme..
Eyes start to close,veins corrode as heartbeats are degrading inside,
But some questions arose, a few thoughts before i die..
..What did I live for?What did i achieved?
Did i live for the family i adore?At least that's what I believed..
But now i see that once I die,and everyone who knows me dies..is like I never lived,never existed..
No memory of me that glows in someone's eyes..like i never was concieved,no memory of me that persisted..
No page in history will carry my name,
It's like I was a summer rain,like I lived in vain,
I'll be just another mistery, scratches engraved on a grave..
I'll just be a slave to a place where forever i'll remain..
Time will erase my face,my flesh..leaving just some consumed bones,
Because we live in a place,where entire lifes resume in words on tombstones.
It's like i never was..
..
..
"Eyes close as as he gives his last breath in this world,
Soon,all will be left of him..is just a few words."

[paul magic]

That Was deep and very poetic at the most im glad to be the first to respond unfortunitly ive seen better from you but this had a smooth moving flow some multies and some nice added touchs to it i love the stuff you and def poets put up it great hope to read more
and check my oms and see what yu think

[twistmixed]

That Was deep and very poetic at the most im glad to be the first to respond unfortunitly ive seen better from you but this had a smooth moving flow some multies and some nice added touchs to it i love the stuff you and def poets put up it great hope to read more
and check my oms and see what yu think

my thought exactly

[sILLable]

i too have seen better from you...but everyone has days..and some people alter there style to best suit there mood for tha day...very dope and poetic though..i enjoyed every aspect of it...could you hit up the link in my sig titled Concrete Roses....id appreciate it.~1~

[Jawn Raw]

damn this was really good, really mean full words in here, nice vocabulary good emotion, nice imagery real good multiples stucture was mad off but at least it still flowed a lot of a underground type style you had in this one man, real good open mic thats all i can say man just real good wit that vocabulary like to see that.

anyway can you rtf in my om Heavens Gate, links in the sig soon.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Deepness, pretty much what i expected from you K9! The imagery was the strongest quality in this piece, these lines caught my eye:

..Thoughts decompose,memories erode under the burden of cascading time,
I'm drained of life like a weathered rose..an old metaphor for a fading rhyme..

The strong vocab and consistent multi's really brought this piece to 'life' (no pun intended). It was a straightforward take on the topic but you really made it your own, which is difficult to do. My only complaint is the length, too short! Lol, a great piece and entertaining to read.

Def Poets- wordness.

[djb]

i agree with johnny the imagery set this piece apart from most. it was very strong especially in the begining. your word choice was very nice and i am jealous of you for picking your words so wonderfully. this was a very real feeling verse. it is strong becuase you took something that everyone could relate to and molded it into your own piece of work. everyone faces times like these and the way you wrote it gave it a very intimate feel. the emotion and imagery of this piece put me into your place for about five minutes and as a reader that is all i ask for. not your best, but still a very good piece. pat yourself on the back.

def poets taking over muvfucka

[K9_THESHIT]

thanks for the feeds.

[Aquiles]

Yea that was a pretty emotional piece. I liked it. You went into good detail in some of the points. But that ended up in you stretching some of your lines. In the middle...For example...

But now i see that once I die,and everyone who knows me dies..is like I never lived,never existed..
No memory of me that glows in someone's eyes..like i never was concieved,no memory of me that persisted..

That seemed a little stretched. It rhymed well...but didn't flow to great either. But these piece was well put together...Everything else seemed like it flowed alright. Your vocab was good..along with your wordplay. Overall this was a nice piece...Keep it up...

[K9_THESHIT]

thanks

[GhettoMike]

id say a 8.5/10. leaving room for improvment lol
u started off great but it was as good at the end, like someone said, your choice of words was great, some lines were a bit forced but not enough to take away from the over all value of the verse, props. ~1~

[Haywood Jewblomi]

This was a great read. A few of the lines seemed stretched near the end, but ignoring that, it was superb. The imagery was very nice, and the vocab matched the level of writing. Only thing you could really do to make it better is change those two stretched line, and maybe make it longer to get a few more thougths in there. Really good piece in all though.

Can you do me a favour and leave some feadback on the OM in my sig? I'd greatly appreciate it.

[K9_THESHIT]

Thanks...i'll get check your links when i have some time.