The Hunger The Outcome

[warchild]

Uppin.

[warchild]

Did you have a nice sleep? Now reply to this.

[The Vortex]

yes this is quite good.. shining with some poetic lines
reads pretty well as a story. with decent imagery painting the picture
much better than most of the nonsense on this page
the long line flow was held together well
coo rymes
stay up
pz

[ArcherPriest]

i liked this pice.. good use of multies and although the lines are a bit long, the syllable count was good and i think this could be spit nicely over a slow beat.. You managed to hold the topic and i like how you didn't let the multies force you into using words that dont fit with what your sayin (i see people do that all the time) I thought this shit was pretty raw here

She returns home puts the product on top puts a Lighter To The Spoon
Her moods are so savage six months ago she put a Knife To Her Womb
Her arm is tied up then proceeds to jab the Needle In The Vain
NOW contemplate if shes really Free From All The Pain?

The multies at the end of the lines tie it in nicely.. with the addition of more internals you could really bring the fiyah... overall good read.. and if you could drop a vote in this battle id appreciate it (ill post the link).. shits gettin slept on like a mufucka...peace

[ArcherPriest]

votes appreciated homie

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=245426

[UrbanXBabe]

This piece woz deep, respect atcha 4 this, the other shitz js depressin..I knw therz been alot of hatin goin on wid ya mate n i probably provoked the other memberz 2 but if ya stoppd feedin us wit dissez n gave us a little respect (as in a bit of positiv feedbak) maybe there wudnt b as much hatin on u n ur work..Does that make sense? Ur rhyminz good Anyway overall am glad ya feel 4 them hoez lolz

[warchild]

Appreciate the feed uppin.

[[.Exodus.]]

dope as hell, i like the wording, topic pick was good, and the flow that went wit it was good, i was interested in it alot, keep at it.

[Antonio Banderas]

Yeah, this was a memorable piece. You got good vocab and a nice word usage/ word schema good on here. Perfect length to this piece.... Sad to hear you only got 5 replies the 1st time around... This time is different...

[Seedy]

Yo that piece was aight... it needed a little work on the structure but the rest was good... i liked the story and the end had a nice twist to it... you explained everything nicely and it all made sense... the rhymes and multis was pretty good... vocab coulda used a little bit more work but all in all it was aight... imagery and creativeness were alright, kind of a played topic i've heard stuff like this quite a bit but u did very nicely on it... keep it up man ima keep an eye out 4 u

return tha favor plz... links r in the sig...

good looks

^You're a fucking idiot buddy, this was brilliant


Man , i have been a fan of you for a while altho i havent read shit from you in a while because i retired from open mics and shit....But wow man , i would love to hear you're audio ....You have imagery which is awesome , just a fine ass detail of explaining what you mean which the content is beautiful....DOPE PIECE

This shit was ill man , and you deserve all the props in the world.....Keep on moving with it and i would love to hear you're shit in a studio...Stay up man!

[[.Exodus.]]

Lmao, @ him callin you a fuggin idiot.

[warchild]

Appreciate the feed nice to see people appreciate my deeper verses as well as the crazy punchline pieces. Im gonna do a demo soon i just need to make time for it.

[noncentz]

The wallpaper is torn away like the Feelings In Her Heart
The life she cradles in her arms was Fiending From The Start
The womb contaminated by a poision in the Worst Way
If the guardian is helpless then of course the Curse Strays...

this set a tone that can easily be led to imagine in a way the placement of emmotion here almost makes the reader become a first person perspective.

Her affliction is uncontrolled so no Saving A Cent
Degrading and desperation reasons for Paying The Rent
She opens her legs up for twenty minutes then the Men Speak
Call her a slut then laugh this is how she makes the Ends Meet

very graphic and realistic i can picture women that have had to make that choice im sure this is easy to relate to. From this point and beyond you actually make the intro lines seam so weak. in that sense of the term i must admit as a topical peace you sell the idea that this was you though i know its not the realism in here dons its own mind and life.your writting is beautiful even though this was a horrid slap of reality.
i must compliment the talent you have.

[warchild]

Im just gonna keep uppin this piece.

[E><ZiLe]

i liked the story and the end had a nice twist to it... you explained everything nicely and it all made sense....vocab coulda used a little bit more work but still dope...it had a buch of discreet imagining....i really learned alot from ur approach.......dope drop keep up tha nice work.....Pce fam