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Thread: demented (keystyle)

  1. #1
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    demented (keystyle)

    this is a keystyle that took 10 mins to do i did it asawritting drill just now i hope you like if so i know im gettingbetter at this.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...470#post3643470
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...d=1#post3643491

    He woke up to 5 i.v.’s, chasing my hepatitis b/ fully tweaked
    Cottonmouth, and a gash where my heroin leaks.
    Flashing back only to realize it aint a drug addiction
    But self-affliction, hungering for a better life led to mal nutrition.
    When little davi was younger he would pray to Jesus,
    Ask him to release us, created me to escape while his father beat us.
    The same personality he’d carry for several years,
    Till it finally took over reality, the other disappeared.
    Drowning in his tears…all his mother could do was watch/
    A miserable excuse of youth being beaten with empty bottles of scotch.
    By 14 crushing angel dust hoping he’d talk to god/
    With lust for proving to himself that he was a fraud.
    Either that or guilty of sloth, he turned himself into a Goth.
    Trapping himself in his nightmares and turning all hope off.
    Willing to die he tattooed his chest to read martyr
    Looking for a cause while he protected a cokehead father.
    His alter ego began turning evil and refused to remain sober
    With each beating over, another began and led to him being a self-loather.
    Many of nights that man crept into his bedroom
    pounding him bruised a punch for every line consumed.
    The memories loomed and the images would replay
    Fueling a hatred growing stronger every day.
    Reacted to his dismay, Slit wrist, and an overdose,
    Strangling the air from his lungs mouth and nose.
    Couldn’t finish the job. It seams there was to much that opposed
    But Death wasn’t as scary as the threat living life posed.
    The day hell froze, would never come
    That meant the torture wasn’t done it had only begun.
    By 21, he had buried his wife and his son
    His father was in prison and he was left with no one.
    Deep depression mixed with bipolar tendencies
    Pills and Hennessey became his resume for the job of remedy
    Played Russian rullet with himself squeezing urgently
    The last thing he remembers was victory before entering the hospital emergency.
    Oh shit that’s how he got there… but still alive to his misery,
    An epiphany mystically set in cause he was alive instead,
    Irony is a bitch he wanted death and was only left-brain dead.
    Fathers last gift life insurance money to pay the bills,
    Now he’d have to live life with only the same memories he had tried to kill.

    (doctor) well I must say mr.rivera your very lucky your alive.
    but sadly your paralysis has left you a vegitable.
    good thing your fathers life insurance covers your stay here cause now you can stay forever.
    Nurse turn on his t.v. merry chrstmad sir we are playing “IT’S A BEAUTIFUL LIFE”.
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    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  2. #2
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    upping
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  3. #3
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    no love?
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  4. #4
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AGHZBAKWERDZ
    no love?
    fuck it it was a waste
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    This was a lot more decent than your other piece...very good effort here and I felt the imagry in it...your topic was kind of original but you brought a new vision to the topic instead of some expected verse...you did good here. MUCH BETTER...

    ~Cry

    P.S. Check out my Debut Peice...Heavens Hell...*Sigged*

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yo this was kind of msic in places fosho...especialy the imagery and story content is sic..
    ya structure and flow seems a bit off with those few stretched lines i guess b w/e
    but yea mos def.. coz i like to see stories for it gives it something to think of..
    could do with a few skillfully crafted multies to add more flow n flavour..
    and needs more consistancy with the flow..
    had some good intenal and end rhymes..

    nice drop

    stay poppin dun
    .................................................. ......................

  7. #7
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    No Doubt Vor
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  8. #8
    This was decent. Lines were kinda stretched, and topic wasnt original, but it was decent. Work on your wordplay next time, alright. Keep it up

  9. #9
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    I Wont Hate But The Topic Was Original
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

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