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Thread: to be an indian.........

  1. #1
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    to be an indian.........

    im an indian, but to others declared as a savage,
    the white man took my land, and took my women,
    railroad spikes , driven to take my soul,
    my heart soars like a hawk, but i dont know where to go,
    like many others, they killed my mother,
    executed my sisters and brothers, and called it a war,
    the chidren that they killed, cried in fear,
    the ones who fought, feel with terars,
    they raped and burned those, who were of beauty,
    and told their president ,that it was truely,
    a needed action to kill my past, they never kept their promises of land,
    all the treaties they gave, they never held true,
    care they not of the earth or the moon,
    my people, our land, now gone to ropes,
    seeing their bodys sway, as they start to choke,
    i sit at the top of the mountain, with the cheif,
    i feel the spirits cry, as he speaks,
    he tells me we must fight, but we wont win,
    better to die with honor, than with shame,
    i help him to his feet, as we dance,
    the battle cry, is one that stands,
    they will never keep their word,so we must stay,
    and fight he who has tried to destroy our name,
    their guns are mighty,and cause much pain,
    but i stand proud,to be an indian.........

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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    aaaw dis is deep... its niice fa real... dammit! second piece ive read 2day that is heart touching... keep it up hun... niiice piece....1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  3. #3
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    thanks........................................i appreciate it..........

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  4. #4
    Banned punkrockrapper's Avatar
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    this is deep man im feelin it nice structure and imagry keep it up man.
    if ya got time be sure to check out mine its called a poem@1am

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by spader
    thanks........................................i appreciate it..........
    its kool spade.. if ya dont mind check out my o.m in my link..
    i'd appriciate it... 1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  6. #6
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    cool yal..............................................

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  7. #7
    This was a good read, I liked the imagery as well. Keep it up!

    It's funny that you call yourself an "indian" but in reality you're not, your're native american. Just some politically correct thought..

  8. #8
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    aight then.......acknowledged then cuz......thanks..........................

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  9. #9
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Maybe make the title connect to the first line. "To be an indian...I'm an indian" wasn't working for me. Keep the title, and make the first line something like: Is to be declared by others as a savage. Or something to that nature, to keep what you wanted to say as it is. Fix up spelling a bit, and that line that sticks out could be restructured.

  10. #10
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    lookin for some more comments...........where everyone at????????????/heeellllloooooooooooooooooooo......aight then....................

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  11. #11
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    you and jacent should have an indian battle

    but aside, good piece, flow was on point, and it was an original topic

  12. #12
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    im an indian, but to others declared as a savage,
    the white man took my land, and took my women,
    railroad spikes , driven to take my soul,
    my heart soars like a hawk, but i dont know where to go,
    like many others, they killed my mother,
    executed my sisters and brothers, and called it a war,
    the chidren that they killed, cried in fear,
    the ones who fought, feel with terars,
    they raped and burned those, who were of beauty,
    and told their president ,that it was truely,
    a needed action to kill my past, they never kept their promises of land,
    all the treaties they gave, they never held true,
    care they not of the earth or the moon,
    my people, our land, now gone to ropes,
    seeing their bodys sway, as they start to choke,
    i sit at the top of the mountain, with the cheif,
    i feel the spirits cry, as he speaks,
    he tells me we must fight, but we wont win,
    better to die with honor, than with shame,
    i help him to his feet, as we dance,
    the battle cry, is one that stands,
    they will never keep their word,so we must stay,
    and fight he who has tried to destroy our name,
    their guns are mighty,and cause much pain,
    but i stand proud,to be an indian....


    i'm indian
    datz tight

  13. #13
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    uppin this shit.......................where all the comments at?????????????????????????????come on yall....where the luv??????????????

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  14. #14
    oh shit
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    this was pretty decent
    this was more like a sojng to me than a poem the way you wrote this but you brought out some good feelin from it at times and at some times you just gotta work on not makin ya poem seem too much like a rap

  15. #15
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    im down with that...................and thank you cuz..................................peace........ ..

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