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Thread: What ever may come...

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    What ever may come...

    What ever may come…

    Death to the end of a blade
    that grapples my skin and rips,
    Blood drips slow in fascination.
    my tears follow after as its shadow,
    looking to the heavens above,
    Classic melody of bitter sweet torcher.
    uttered emotions dripped into a scrap;
    of cries unuttered and tangled,
    Pale as the midnight sky with no stars.

    Emotions bend to blend to a fiscal trend,
    of an offended creature with a heart.
    clash like the clouds of a rainy sky,
    thunder and lightning jolt in RAGE.
    Orbits of sinful pain connect
    like the rings of Saturn, they elope
    and Revolutionize around a feeling,
    A burning desire of sudden eagerness.

    The sun rises, the day repeats
    From one to a inflatable infinity
    soul of divinity, divided upon this mess.
    my sweat caressess my skin in pleasure,
    i stay alive to see, the next day dawn.
    upon high thrones on my own two feet,
    i stand tall, for another lesson is learned.
    i hum a whistle of a courageous sound,
    the applause of others is my melody.
    so i sit on this rock with air,
    breezing on in with a stride of tunes,
    definite i will fight again,
    today is a new day.

    Everyday is a wonderful day.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    really good vibe from this piece. kind of feeling like, no matter what happens today there'll still be a tomorrow and i'm ready for it whenever it may come. really liked reading it, flowed well, had good vocabulary, bit jittery for me in some parts but mostly good. thanks dude, great read.


    - Nash

  3. #3
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    word thanks man appreciate the time you took...now you may rest homie
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  4. #4
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    Wow man, i was suprised at the vividness and clarity of your imagery here. It was a bit overpainted in pieces but i think in all you expressed your images clearly. The word choice was a bit colorful for my taste but it works well with your style, i think that as you progress though you'll tone down the austere nature of your writing and improve your depth and become more polished. Nice job here though, i really enjoyed it and your final stanza was perhaps the best of the piece. Good shit, i like how you ended strong. It was a pleasure reading man, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  5. #5
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    thanks man appreciate it.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  6. #6

    Re: What ever may come...

    this was decent, I can see the growth in the now compared to the 'then.' you've come into the ps norm, and I'll be curious to see the growth from this point on.. because you're at the pinnical of elevation in terms of what people can offer, and now it's your job to play with techniques and refine skills you've picked up. while this was good and I got the concepts, nothing wow'ed me. also, much of the diction was awkward and the word choice poor. but as I said, I can certainly follow your stepping stones to this point and I'm glad to see you are consistantly growing. keep up the work man, keep reading and trying new things to break through to the next level of your writing.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    will do kind sir thanks for the motivation.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    OG Poet, er some shit.
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    Re: What ever may come...

    this was good Write. At first, it seemed too simplistic. The first stanza, then the second stanza, and I was drowzing off. But I like how you switch the 'story line' may I call it?, and the mood of the piece in the last stanza. At first I didn't really get it, but re-reading it made it good. Good imagery, and a nice solid piece.

    -1
    Po'Ethics - Est. 2004




  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    Yup i can say this is a piece i actually enjoyed, prolly different tastes for different people na mean, some parts you over dramatised the process/things happening which irked me a bit, but other than that this was great to read casually....sittin back chilling out and getting vividity due to good use of imagery. Just keep on trying na mean and expermineting with different styles and imagery techniques etc. Yup so yeah stay up^.

    Yup whenever you can:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-332235.html

  10. #10
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    word ill get around to it...
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  11. #11
    Soule
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    Re: What ever may come...

    Ha, wouldnt go as far as POF. But nice read.

    Like Nash said, it had a really nice vibe to it, The wordplay was great. The Structre was ncie and original. I felt this would almost make it into Hal of Fame. But it's missing something, but I cant grasp what its missing. maybe someone could do me a favor and tell me. But I liekd the read, good job.

  12. #12
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    lol.......thanks man,.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  13. #13
    Soule
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    Re: What ever may come...


  14. #14
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    will do

    hold on mr. putting my son to sleep
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  15. #15
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: What ever may come...

    Closed- 3poems open.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

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