Sacred Scriptures
Week 1
Maven. Vs. Mindless
Verses Due Saturday 6-30-07 11:59 PM Pacific
Voting Ends Tuesday 7-03-07
Leave 3 Voting Links In your Checkin
Sacred Scriptures
Week 1
Maven. Vs. Mindless
Verses Due Saturday 6-30-07 11:59 PM Pacific
Voting Ends Tuesday 7-03-07
Leave 3 Voting Links In your Checkin
Last edited by Maven.; July 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 PM
wordperfect?
..o0Pure0o..
Back at you man.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
I'm going to a show tonight, so I might post a couple hours late. I'll edit my verse in here.
wordperfect?
..o0Pure0o..
I'll be a bit behind aswell. Definitely have it in before the morn'.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
Borrow St.
It isn't how low or lifted we get,
it's the shortness of breath left
when climbing the steps.
We'll pretend it ascends to heaven, I guess,
and collect the people we pass
after the facts are kept off the map,
like memories that didn't last past
a change in address.
Add the math to half of what we never had,
subtract the stacks of crack and money grabbed,
and you'll come in contact with a sadness reinacted
in abstract fashion; like throwing darts in the dark
our hearts have missed the mark but remain intact
in the exact shape of the empty chests torn apart.
A shared sentiment must have meant these tenements
made the best of it, or prevented men from resenting death.
Nas said "the world is yours" but it ain't.. we just rent.
So who's world is this? It ain't your's if your money's spent.
I done cashed my last check for liquor (imagine that)
I'da stayed sober if I hadn't already adapted to my habitat.
On the other-hand I'm still trying to get to Wonderland,
with a bag full of bad habits and rabid addiction to understand
what's got me asking, where's that white rabbit at man?!
Life comes to a dead-end on borrow street
in-between project buildings were sorrow meets
the days that were better then tomorrow seems
and hollow dreams will always be like, "follow me.."
Someday this circumstance will all make cents;
piggy-banking on the back of fallen monuments
to relax in the first person when the present nation's tense,
and change has been taken too loosely ever since.
Commerce plays dumb. Economy's lost it's common sense,
unless we stop capitalizing and accept our punishments.
Life's a bitch cause we haven't treated her like a lady,
only out to get ours, charged with disregarding her babies.
They keep teaching lower-class children in back alleys
how to be perceived as down to earth like fallen stars,
but our sons don't shine; no one'll ever know who they are.
So the activist are on some old "take the power back!" shit,
wishful to reunite like we've been told to raise a black fist
at the pain, without which, we'd have no way to explain happyness.
Life comes to a dead-end on borrow street
in-between project buildings were sorrow meets
the days that were better then tomorrow seems
and hollow dreams will always be like, "follow me.."
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
The Glass Half Empty
ticket ripped, you strip into your performance vest
taking a seat on the left, forgetting why scorn was best
eyes opened, emotionless at darkened hanging curtains
velvet held her sleeping person
you resist the urge of feeling worthless.
Just then, an announcement pierces inner-theatre air
"The sinners featured here are a dinner-theatre scare!
Ladies and Germs, welcome yourselves to the Glass Half Empty
where classless sentries are amassed at last entry!
That is, you're being watched while you're watching the show
here's a hint: the right lines are important to know!"
Uncomfortable, you glance around at the patrons gathered
and find that they're you, as in a reflection shattered
but before it can matter, a spotlight hits the stage
and illuminates a memory from a long-past age:
Bedroom locked, music loud
pretend you're shocked, using proud
versions of personal truth
hers is a scurge on your youth
but the eyes are so bright
and her thighs squeeze so tight
and your cries seem to light
fires in the seamless night
climax reached, knock on door
the first time, she ignored
clothes piled high on the floor
you climb through the window for
freedom and escape left
right as you feel bereft
a victim of sexual theft
while stolen hopes compose your breath.
The stage goes dark, you know a stark version of eclipse
they're playing fiction of your heart with you here watching it
and different versions of yourself applaud or weep with glee
all ashamed they payed awake when they could sleep for free...
but before you could question the likeness of your image
lights shine again, the orchestra plays to a future vision:
the family gathers happily
sappily seeing simple sights
nights bloom with happenings
blackening in rooms with dice
ice is a demanding thing
gambling rings for your life
wife drinking while children sing
buildings block out the light
feelings stop with the kites
they fly through open air
loans pile to support disease
pain dies with hope's despair
home dialed, you court the breeze
wind comes from everywhere
profiled to sort the seas
drowning all of your cares.
Taken aback by portholes into the future of your vessel
you sail with ease but still find your performance vest's old...
your best folds are made to understand what you have viewed
but no matter what you choose you feel that facts are misconstrued
and abused, you're confused as are the spectres around you
the annoucer barks: "We hope everything you see astounds you,
because the theatre is a magical place to state your dreams,
and present them to a world with no schemes, or in betweens!
I hope you enjoyed the Glass Half Empty, I hope you begged it
not to leave! Now proceed in a timely fashion to the exits."
wordperfect?
..o0Pure0o..
Mindless: I really liked your piece, but can you please tell me which topic you used? I kinda have a pet peeve on this site when people do topicals and don't use the topics given at all, it just defeats the purpose for me. Anyways, i enjoyed reading your piece, it had a nice concept and you stayed on point. Your intro was cool and i liked your piggy bank line, the imagery was dope all around. As for your hook, it was alright, nothing special, but yeah your rhymescheme was nice.
Maven: Your piece impressed me a lot, you have a creative imagination and the concept and how u approached it was def original. The title matches the piece in a very poetic way and i liked your flow and rhymescheme... i liked how u wrote the italic parts... your piece was pretty much flawless to me, i don't really have any major complaints and i enjoyed reading it...
v/Maven btw i had to read both pieces twice before voting so yeah this was a dope close battle.
Topic was, And there was no more sorrow.Originally Posted by ekua7
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
meh /nlah
On the other-hand I'm still trying to get to Wonderland,
with a bag full of bad habits and rabid addiction to understand
what's got me asking, where's that white rabbit at man?!
6decent bars here. and i aint really biggin nothin up too tough coz rb is all around uninspiring and dead..so mindless hacd some steady flow, and a decent vocab.ok structure
maven.blah. meh.you put a lot of your effort into the format...so that was ok/blah..flow was seemingly slow and steady for the most part,,.had some ok metaphors. which for me gave you maven the edge in this half-decent battle
so by the strength of mavens somewhat interesting format metaphors and delivery--
my vote=maven
bleh
goodbye
meh /nlah
On the other-hand I'm still trying to get to Wonderland,
with a bag full of bad habits and rabid addiction to understand
what's got me asking, where's that white rabbit at man?!
6decent bars here. and i aint really biggin nothin up too tough coz rb is all around uninspiring and dead..so mindless hacd some steady flow, and a decent vocab.ok structure
maven.blah. meh.you put a lot of your effort into the format...so that was ok/blah..flow was seemingly slow and steady for the most part,,.had some ok metaphors. which for me gave you maven the edge in this half-decent battle
so by the strength of mavens somewhat interesting format metaphors and delivery--
my vote=maven
bleh
goodbye
Mindless- truth be told i found this hard to read man. You the topic was something i'd seen a million times before and you didn't really bring anything to it which caught my attention. Your vocab and imagery conveyed what you were saying pretty well but it, apart from the odd line there was nothing outstanding here.
Maven- Dope man. A great concept, perfect picture painted, you had my attention solidly from start to finish despite the length. The switching in flow and rhyme scheme added to the freshness and your use of vocab was spot on for the topic. I liked the announcer quotes thrown in too. Best shit i've read this week.
Vote- Maven, great work.
SS League Record 31-8
SS HW Champ
14 x OM HoF
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Maven. wins 1-0
Mindless loses 0-1
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