Dead

[Al Extremo]

Gray hair it shows
From my old head
I am alone
and nearly dead
Old age dictates
My course of action
I just can't wait
All i've rationed
Its here now
Staved off tears
The emotion i've stifled
Till this moment
The tragedy of loneliness
Driven by fists
Of my phantoms
These twisted
apparitions grudge
Over the war waged
The held off death
For these last breaths
I see in the emotionless
All dressed in black
To contrast the white light
From the oncoming tunnel up ahead
No more goodbyes nothing was said
I close my eyes another frail ghost
Dead

[Spoken Deity]

This was actually really good... very simple but you captured the moment...the only thing Id take a lookat is the white light and the tunnel bit because it's such typical idea for death.
The imagery and devices here were awesome. The poem has everything needed to be dope. Nothing was out of place, the theme worked well, and it created emotion in the reader.
Awesome drop bro

[Soul Slayer]

The poem and the devices were ok man... But the read wasn't refreshing... Again
its what every one is doing and even though you did every thing according to the
book.... It gave me a bad vibe such that i wanted to get through it and not analyse
every individual line.... Keep active

-Tific

[Ace of Aces]

I liked it. It was simple and very easy to understand. The rhythm was quick and well executed. Though I won't say it was anywhere near as good as most of your work, it was enjoyable. keep it up.

[mcbones]

Simple masterpiece props go to .EX.

[Orc]

Hey baby..

Been a while since I dropped in here, but it's horrible out so I said I would. Which is why you get feed , well..I liked this man, I think you've finally found some styles that fit you as a writer, & now that your experimenting stages are over you can only get better..your word choice was simple here but that's cool because the line length was short, the ending was abrupt but isn't death always.. <-- that was deep! Haha, I enjoyed the read mate. RTF.

[Spoken Deity]

The poem and the devices were ok man... But the read wasn't refreshing... Again
its what every one is doing and even though you did every thing according to the
book.... It gave me a bad vibe such that i wanted to get through it and not analyse
every individual line.... Keep active

-Tific

THat was terrible feed... WTF is 'not refreshing'?
Is writing about being different from RB? Because no one has come with anything truly new is year, lol.
I think you were just a fucked mind set because whether or not your heart swelled, you should be able to point out the quality of the piece.

[Varentao]

Hmmm. Quite simple and solemn. I liked that. I also like your use of short lines, kind of reinforces the points your trying to make.

At times maybe you over elaborated. And other times there wasn't enough poetic license used. But hey, it's a decent solid piece.

[Rein Ryder]

I really liked this piece, it was interesting. It showed the basic mentality of emotions in the mind of an old aged person. it was very well written, and like the others said the short lines were a good emphasis, I thought it meant that the man was barely breathing and could barely speak. (or think)

Driven by fists
Of my phantoms
I liked this line right here, i dont know why exactly but it was interesting to say the lest.
keep it up.

[Soul Slayer]

THat was terrible feed... WTF is 'not refreshing'?
Is writing about being different from RB? Because no one has come with anything truly new is year, lol.
I think you were just a fucked mind set because whether or not your heart swelled, you should be able to point out the quality of the piece.

Look man, its horrible feed? Sowi for the free post... According to you.. Isn't
" nice metas, ect" horrible. You do it all the time. I wrote this from what i
felt en who the fuck are you simple bicth to tell what is what...

[CALIPH80]

this is a topic that has been used many times and i feel that you failed to bring anything new to it.there are a million poems about death and its probally been 2000 years since anyone has said anything new.still this being a simple poem you cam very nicely.you had good imagery and you made me see what you were writting well.overall the simpleness of your poem made it good.i enjoyed this drop.please return feedback on my poem called 'my nation'