Dance, Dance

[Phoenix.]

Dance, Dance - IE
By Demonique.

She was always dancing,
swaying with the music,
the rythem gliding across
the ground causing ripples
dancing along the puddles,
like gasoline rainbows.

The seasons would pass
but he would still meet,
wearing her best clothes
through wind, rain or snow
she weathered the storm
like a flower in the winter
unwilling to surrender petals,
to the frosty surroundings.

He was her knight in armour ,
he never failed to encompany her
watching her dance with nature,
craving the rain so sorrowfully
so he might be the one to hold,
an umbrella above her head.

The sky loved them like children
sometimes crying with happiness,
but never a sad moment.
Tears sparkling as they fall down,
coating the city in a watery veil
like a mother watching a performance
contemplating how fast they've grown.

But now they're gone
they grew too old too fast,
now... decades later
she can no longer dance,
her frail limbs can no longer
take the strain,
and he can no longer see,
the magic that once was.

but still he has 1 last requests

"Can I Reserve a private viewing,
when we cross paths in the otherworld"

"Please...Save the last dance for me..."

[Ill Humor]

Some of this feel kind of forced. I think you had a good message in mind but you were trying to express the story while throwing some unnessary vocabulary inbetween. I won't say it was too lengthy but at some parts it seemed to drag some.

-IHE

[CALIPH80]

this was really good but ended much too quickly.i agree that it came accross kind of forced in places.it is good though and with some touch ups it could be great.leave some feedback on my piece called 'my nation'

[Pilgrim.]

This was a decent poem. However, you didn't do a great job in terms of voice. Whilst reading, I never felt that you made a connection with me, and that's an important aspect of poetry.. probally the most important, actually. Also, that flower in winter metaphor was poorly placed/worded in my opinion; you could have done alot more with it. Good piece, either way, just work on it. Your writing reminds me of a younger me.