User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Thirst for..

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Thirst for..

    Thirst for..
    by: Ren


    I got this thirst that needs quenching,
    at first it didn't hurt, now it gets worse as it tempts me.
    In a search for the next thing I get a surge thats inventing
    a disgust at this lust for a word thats perplexed me.
    ......Blood.....
    This object I'm craving, and lately
    it's strange of how it's got me behaving.
    "Stop me I'm crazy!..wish Uncle Tom'd stop blocking the baby."
    Did they not see me waiting?
    It's this thirst and I'm dying without it,
    sizing this doubt is like climbing a mountain.
    My feelings can't be hiding it's crowded,
    "can I kill to stay alive?"..
    This question ponders a lesson,
    I'm bothered and stressin as my mind wander's in tension.
    If I mention murder, I'll be a reflection of my father's intentions.
    Facing again whether to be embracing this sin,
    my heart starts racing.. so what place am I in?
    once the beat's in place it parts, fading and then..
    I wish there was a plan for peace,
    that didnt' involve disease or succumbing to famine's peak.
    I'm weighing my options to examine each,
    "god damnit..the only way is to plant my teeth!!"
    and doing something I can't.. s'like biting the hand that feeds.
    I cant' stand these needs, that I have to accomplish
    can't seem to grieve alone and I wish I had an accomplise.
    I don't know how this night will affect
    my life, the strife or how wrong from right gets respect.
    ...............As I begin to bite her neck,

    "I get what I searched for, what I couln't safice the urge for."
    Punctured, a stake in the shape of a cross in my back.
    Already exhausted just to get caught in the act..as I relax
    I know it's my fault and a fact.



    the victim had no teeth abnormalities, no special powers or traits
    just a man with sick twisted mind constricting at a cowardly pace




    No such thing as vampires.
    Last edited by Ren.; October 16th, 2008 at 02:57 PM
    Ren.egade

  2. #2
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29
    Last edited by Ren.; October 15th, 2008 at 11:37 PM
    Ren.egade

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Re: Thirst for..

    yep
    Ren.egade

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Strawberry Fields
    Posts
    1,126
    Battle Record
    12-2

    Re: Thirst for..

    Really nicw what I took from it you were like a lover or whatever that was comparing kissing on your lovers neck and embracing them with being a vampire that sucks them dry of their life force.....cause life is in the blood.
    That part I found very interesting it was a cool metaphor to use in this type of piece I thought.

    Structure and punctuation was onpoint....also good rhymescheme....you seem to know what you're doing....ur certainly not a begginner....

    Thankx for this read...it made me wanna work on my mutlies and drop better Pieces.

  5. #5
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Re: Thirst for..

    yep, thanks for the feed man.
    Ren.egade

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Re: Thirst for..

    leave links.
    Ren.egade

  7. #7
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Re: Thirst for..

    bump.
    Ren.egade

  8. #8
    Newbie AnImU$'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Clairton
    Posts
    39

    Re: Thirst for..

    dope ass rhyme. very heartfelt shit.. fav line

    I'm bothered and stressin as my mind wander's in tension.
    If I mention murder, I'll be a reflection of my father's intentions

    felt this peice. stayed on topic. shit flowed nice. and good vocab... 9/10

  9. #9
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    better than you.
    Posts
    29

    Re: Thirst for..

    feed bitches.
    Ren.egade

Similar Threads

  1. Love is the thirst.
    By Rorrim in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: January 19th, 2011, 09:52 AM
  2. The Thirst
    By Edison Av in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: November 11th, 2010, 04:19 PM
  3. What is our Name? (Thirst I)
    By Soule in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: August 3rd, 2010, 06:12 PM
  4. Undertakers thirst for Revenge...
    By Uben. Sonned in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: May 29th, 2008, 01:47 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •