Melee Mayhem

[Crookshank]

goes to this beat:

trust me, if you read it right it will flow fine with the instrumental.....

Fuck a piece of heat, I leave you fist-beaten bloody broken in the street/
If I need to cook the beef, I'll lose both eyes before I ever see defeat//
around here every cat fights to the death crush your throat take your breath/
No ref, no rules no regulation, tiger claw rip ya' heart out ya fuckin chest//
only the best survive in this war of melee mayhem in The Land/
Leave your headquarters unmanned, you can't with-stand these fists//
Hands made of iron holdin' bags of canna-bis, not a man of bliss/
...Can change my spirit, spit shit so gifted even Christians wanna hear it//
Take the blood n smear it on ya' forehead, my signature of victory/
And not even snitches made of glue, could ever try to stick to me//
We got a solid operation so stop debatin' be-fore I smash ya' whole face-in/
Cuz what you're facin, is not a human, but a straight evil fuckin alien//
From the mighty planet Cleveland, cats who surrender still end-up-with/
Their parents feedin, them through a tube never ever would I end this//
Can you comprehend it? Death is not on my list of options/
You be screamin' for your life but I'm never fuckin stoppin//
Droppin' brick fists cuz your bitch has been on my hit list.../
For a min-it, no opponent, is ever gonna win this...//


Thanks to The Genius.... his beat let allowed my to find the beat I used for this... if you really have trouble reading it, or understanding how its flowing, ill try to explain it the best I can

[Crookshank]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37&postcount=6
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17&postcount=2

[Crookshank]

come on... feed me... feed me... FEED MEEEEE!!!!! lol but seriously hook a brotha up with some feed

[Rosetti Frost]

If I need to cook the beef, I'll lose both eyes before I ever see defeat

^
nice line overall flowed pretty well.............the topic was decent and everything else seemed ok...................

please return the favorhttp://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-388635.html

[Isaiah Thomas]

I usually hate when people say things like this but...I'll leave feed in the am, so you know it's coming -_- tired

[fazeT]

I peeped the beat, it did flow nicely, the rhymes were iiight 2, nothin stood out
stay up!!

[The Genesis]

"Take the blood n smear it on ya' forehead, my signature of victory/
And not even snitches made of glue, could ever try to stick to me//"

^that shit would sound hardcore over that instrumental, I'm jacking that beat by the way, haha you must have a fast rapid rhyme style on some Twista shit cause I couldnt make this flow with the beat, but I'll take ya word for it that it works, overall a decent verse, keep it up.

[Crookshank]

"Take the blood n smear it on ya' forehead, my signature of victory/
And not even snitches made of glue, could ever try to stick to me//"

^that shit would sound hardcore over that instrumental, I'm jacking that beat by the way, haha you must have a fast rapid rhyme style on some Twista shit cause I couldnt make this flow with the beat, but I'll take ya word for it that it works, overall a decent verse, keep it up.

haha nah its not spit too fast, it's just a matter of pausing at the correct times n shit... i really need to get a mic, my flow is hard to catch through text. maybe thats my own fault, but thats how it is... thanks to all for the feed, ill return whatever feed possible

[Westcoast]

Not bad, it flows well on some beats I have... Keep it up and try working on a topic and see how it turns out.

[Westcoast]

RTF
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...os-388788.html

[Crookshank]

yea i'm really hoping on turning this one into an audio drop n hopefully makin it an entire song... well see. i just think the flow is unique on this one you just gotta hear it to get it

[Lurid]

im more of a poetic writer but ill analyze it like this

rhyme 5/10 = it was pretty basic a AA BB rhyme scheme nothing really jumped out or hit a hard flow and i had trouble keeping the flow so work on some transition lines.

vocab 5/10 the biggest word i saw was comprehend that wont really cut it if your trying to make any noise around the OM section

creativity 6/10 i think there was a few good lines and i saw some really really dope potential in some lines but it just didnt hit as hard as i expected. For example:

Take the blood n smear it on ya' forehead, my signature of victory/
And not even snitches made of glue, could ever try to stick to me//

this had some great imagery at the beginning and i was really looking forward to the second line , but upon reading it i was really let down. but it was a good start you just could have used it a little more to your advantage. the piece was a little to jumpy i think if you would have followed a story line a little more it would have flowed nicer.

RANDOM FEED

Can you comprehend it? Death is not on my list of options/
You be screamin' for your life but I'm never fuckin stoppin//

DOPE BAR^^^ could have been worded a little better once again.

i think your a good writer. you have a lot of creativity i just think you should take your time and really look at all the possibilities and wording and piece your work together. if you hit a wall just take a break and when you start thinking of new lines then go back to it. keep up the work.

[Crookshank]

thanks man. you should prolly check out my drop "The Fourth Horseman" that ones a lot better than this one, i took more time on it

[Isaiah Thomas]

this was cool the flow was on point but prolly better when you say it b/c you wrote it

I actually like the bar this line was in but I would have worded it differently

And not even snitches made of glue, could ever try to stick to me//

I was thinking more of pin this shit to me but that would mean changing the glue part, haha lookin forward to your next drop.

Peace

[Crookshank]

thanks for the feed bro. stay up