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Thread: What's Fair? [SS Verse]

  1. #1
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    What's Fair? [SS Verse]

    What's Fair?
    by Noodle

    There's mercy in a structure, each column bleeds an article
    Following pain, the units crumble as they reach the particles
    In methodical times, economy and sodomy combine
    And there's estranged people here getting fucked from behind
    Because a government's our own sign of self-authority
    Imploring weak hands to break free without a door and key
    Exploring dreams of tomorrow through poses and frames
    Folding away so many truths that they explode in your face
    Grossing, ways to make money like working to get currency
    In a different state of mind with an emphasis on emergency
    Purposely foolish, but the knowledge is hurting the duelist
    Life's a double-edged sword which means purpose is useless
    Society's been wrong though while these pieces barely fit
    You've got to spend money to get something else to carry it
    Married men laugh at Sonic, he always tries for the rings
    And yes, it's wrong to divorce, but that shit's like a disease
    So then we don't want it...and if we find the replacement
    We go up a couple tiers while our hearts cry in the basement
    Amazing, the time's wrong, but now this climate is right
    Like an arrangement, but we could never shine with the lights

    Everything is unfair...

    This can't be freedom and more than likely it is history
    So if our lives count for nothing...that's much closer to infinite
    Divinity's achieved in a world that's still praying to Dog
    While thanking him for jack shit since we're obeying the laws
    It's like prison or what's "right"...there's no telling it well
    We're in a box fighting to survive like this was hell in a cell
    For every person that can dwell in the caves and wonder
    You'll decay from underneath, but never reign with thunder
    For the slaves to recover, they would stomach the pain
    But under the frame was the build of still becoming a slave
    To some kinds of rope, whether it's done tight or loose
    Doesn't matter when disaster leaves you hung with a noose
    Cliffhangers and footnotes, good hopes for dead sorrow
    The edge was too jagged...the blood fell as we followed
    Breathe hollow, bones crack while the dust is spinning
    Because what's fair is death and this life is just beginning

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    Last edited by Noodle; January 14th, 2010 at 01:51 AM

  3. #3
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    Re: What's Fair?

    This was a good piece liked how it started off talking about all the things in this society that are unfair. I can relate to this pretty deeply, because i have the same views. So that's a plus right there. I liked who you also wrapped up the piece talking about death and how we need to kinda be in the moment. Only down side really from the piece was the tempo of it. I felt it was dragging a little and could have maybe used more of an internal rhyme scheme just to help it flow a little bit better. Thats just me knit picking at something small, because rhyming doesnt actually make a piece deep or meaningful. Its the words you put to the piece that do it, and you executed it perfectly.

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    Re: What's Fair?

    well thanks Tim. up.

  5. #5

    Re: What's Fair?

    Pretty nice.

    For some reason I've always been oddly attracted to this "genre" of rap. Like, talking about anarchy and lack of freedom. Guess I'm along the line of how Tim feels. The rhymes were nice, although the flow seemed as if it needed a "break" at a few points. Feel me?

    "Purposely foolish, but the knowledge is hurting the duelist
    Life's a double-edged sword which means purpose is useless"

    Favorite line. FILTHY.


    Check either of these two out for me. Thanks.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...495/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...482/index.html

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    Re: What's Fair? [SS Verse]

    Well thank you. I don't think anyone is actually grasping the scheme if the flow is off.

  7. #7
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    Re: What's Fair? [SS Verse]

    wow man. this sucks.

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