The Flowers Fruit...

[ItoldUIwasFat]

by each leaf droped in springs time...life is given within deaths darkest lines, watch...As a gift is born, blooming and soothing the mist-less night air, the rain drops glare...gliding across a surface, lifeless at sight but look closer...a heart beat is there...fair in its beauty, an array of lights coordinate color...the fruit blossoms proudly...stretching its lims across bedrock silently...its presence is emence, small slightly...but dont take thy flower lightly...in a shape formed by months, a singular seed set from a million to create its essence...
An entity unique in its anatomy...its roots long living before it, to its brothers it carries similarities...the gift of a flowers birth, worth the wait and pain...not knowing sound, yet the seeds voice resounds profound...its first glance at life, watch this flower spread its wings...reach the sky and breath...the fruit of a flower who once was a fruit it self..dwells upon the sight of its offspring, offering love, care and understanding...as beauty looks up at beauty...

[ItoldUIwasFat]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...646/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...647/index.html

[xkingpin]

Wow never thought so much could be written about fruit, not bad

[Android]

First off, your lines are stretched like whoa, maybe start a new line more often as it makes the piece seem bland and like a paragraph as it is now. lol But the content wasn't too shabby, liked how you used a fruit metaphor, not badly executed... a little long-winded but I enjoyed it. Hmm not much else to say about it to be honest, for what it is it's good though. Stay up.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

yeah..i gotta figure out a way to present my stuff better, working on that...thanks for the feed back...

king, its not about a fruit... metaphor for birth. thanks for the feedback.

[Android]

by each leaf droped in springs time...
life is given within deaths darkest lines, watch...
As a gift is born, blooming and soothing the mist-less night air,
the rain drops glare...
gliding across a surface, lifeless at sight but look closer...
a heart beat is there...fair in its beauty,
an array of lights coordinate color...
the fruit blossoms proudly...
stretching its lims across bedrock silently...
its presence is emence, small slightly...
but dont take thy flower lightly...
in a shape formed by months,
a singular seed set from a million to create its essence...
An entity unique in its anatomy...
its roots long living before it, to its brothers it carries similarities...
the gift of a flowers birth, worth the wait and pain...
not knowing sound, yet the seeds voice resounds profound...
its first glance at life, watch this flower spread its wings...
reach the sky and breath...
the fruit of a flower who once was a fruit it self...
dwells upon the sight of its offspring, offering love, care and
understanding...as beauty looks up at beauty...

You practically did it anyway man, but instead of putting an ellipses start a new line. It's only so the reader can access it easier anyway so it doesn't have to be too neat. lol

[ItoldUIwasFat]

thanks man...up this once more