RULES: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html
Good Luck
RULES: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html
Good Luck
checkkkk ittttt, best of luck
ditto
I need an extension till tomorrow night..I'm too busy tonight...it IS halloween weekend Lol,
Yeah me too
the junkie put gun to skull and fired the revolver
the old easy out route - six foot deep free faller
after a short minute, his dismay wore away
made his way forward to retrieve the weaponry
found it and checked the chamber's rounds
by his count, no surprise - one bullet found
he smirked at the peak of irony's rigorous brow
by the bounds of fate, it was his turn to pull the trigger now
his hand hanging low, sitting at the side of his hip
it was evident, this kid was on some junkie trip
the silence was broke, "it was meant to be red, no crimson.."
in his frigid state he just stood there and listened
"...the dress i mean, the white just wasn't quite right,
but now its blood dyed, just waiting on the drip dry."
and must have found his mark as the problem solver
the junkie put gun to skull and fired the revolver
a breaking sound banged loud as four shots rang out
and he braved the errant crowd and their fleeing shouts
outside the fairgrounds, a place of some upset serene
unfolded a greenery paired with a desolate scene
standing there muttering, something distractedly so
a man staring over a young girl - bleeding below
with a six shooter rattling nervously inside of his grip
his hand hanging low, sitting at the side of his hip
"in defiant chase, you'll find your daughter's final resting place."
and as it states, he ran the race against fated restraints
he scathed the mumbled rant for the secrets concealed
and found one revealed in the "JOLLY GREEN FERRIS WHEEL"
a shadow of hope glowed as an ember like guide
a smoldering on the inside as he reached the kids ride
but that building flame met its end in a sudden douse
a breaking sound banged loud as four shots rang out
"Hello, and welcome to - the beginning of the end"
a voice whispered again as he made his way in,
to an ill lit abode finding its sight by candle alone
at centers home, the teller sat upon a battered old throne
"the catalyst, murdered by mirrored hands, follow in suit..
for the truth of the innocent slain inhibits you,
find the echoed four, past the spinning giants face..
in defiant chase, you'll find your daughter's final resting place."
beneath the flashing carny lights laid the county fair
its clashing glare set a-flare the debris ridden air
that illuminated haze, drew attention to a crude prop
an amuse~ed lopsided sign marked "Fortune Shoppe"
and in all its splendor - or lack thereof...
he gave a slack shrug and sauntered over to where it was
upon the window pane - in thinning letters, penned,
Hello, and welcome to - the beginning of the end
Battle of the Ages
December 1st, 2010
Dear Journal...
I can't take a shower, I can't even sleep in darkness
swear when I'm in bed..somethin' creeps through my garbage..
Cascades through my Halls, & my dreams too, lethargic...
whispers bouncin' off the walls, "we need you to harvestttt."
....My eyes are red and sickle-veined, riddle stained
Just this morning, I woke up drivin' in the middle lane...
Shrivled brain...fear eating fear, causing simple pains...
The type that children fear most, the rattle of a window pane...
The saturated vision of a shadow in the crippled fang,
of nightfall, shrouding your body with a quilt of chains...
I recall...this dream I have..it's really vague...
A solitary statue of an angel inscribed, "until today"
Later That Night..
I wake abruptly, the silence heavy, concealing...
from the corner of my room... I hear a sepia breathing..
The noise amplifies, to a steady repeating....
whatever has been watching me...Is ready to see me....
But, I can't move...at all, I try to free out of it...
My body SCREAMING in fear...hoping it's sleep paralysis....
A dark figure cascades from behind the door....
I try to pull away but I'm frozen right to the core...
And in my window, a red light sweeps into the room...
My eyes start to fade, the figure creeps into my view..
I feel a cold touch, like the winter's whirling rise
the last thing I remember, are those otherwordly eyes..
Hours After The Incident..
Glaring lights contour the walls of a white facility
waking on a surgical table, these lights are killin' me..
This place, is unearthly...fear rooted & griped
Symbols I can't begin to explain, tattooed to my wrist...
surrounded by technology..floating inside are craniums
capsules of titanium-like-pots for scientific geraniums...
above me, a projection of the world in bastardly haze
In it, chaos has reduced us to shattered & gray...
The sensation is electrical, sparks dance on my tongue
while touching the surface...heart half in my lungs
I could FEEL the concept of the hologram with a touch...
But what I found wasn't close to passion or love...
A perception you thought lay dormant, ever tainted..
All the bloodshed and lives lost, December painted...
Whitewalled, we had no clue, we never brain'd it...
Who'da thought, they do it all for entertainment...
Extraterrestrial Voice In My Head..
"It will become clear, this is war..between factions..
They send the Earth light, we send it blackness..
We give you Hitler, Jack the Ripper, & Slavery
They send you Mandela & Ghandi for bravery
We give you the Second-World-War and the First one,
And they send peace activists, who hunger & thirst LOVE
But it dosen't stop there, we gave em' Al Qaeda too
But they give you new Presidents with different views...
So we push out Serial Killers, choppin' out veins...
But they fire right back with a Guantanamo bay..
We gave you Saddam, Osama, Stalin & Castro
But they established the Freedom Corps, assholes..
And it dosen't stop there, they gave you democracy,
we pushed Russian leaders to racial & communist feats..
Balken wars, middle-aged plagues for the heathens..
But They gave em' Religion, somethin' to believe in..
through all this drama, I was thinkin' the wrong demons..
Nuclear War seems so much more appealin'..
The mushroom clouds, the impact drilling Nations..
If my heart could sing, It would sing annihilation"
Without my control, my hands reach for a capsule...
There's a brain inside, I can see through the mantel...
The voice returns..."This is to be yours, leader of fate..."
"After All, World War III needs a Leader, a Face.".
Last edited by Dex'Labb; November 1st, 2010 at 02:56 AM
Okay, Malice...it seems quite clear that your story is told in reverse...which was very apprapo, considering the topic you chose was "this is the beginning of the end"...I honestly don't think that most people are going to be too confused to comprehend it until they get to Silk's post...but perhaps I'm a bit naive about the voter's reading comprehension skills.
As far as adherence to topic goes...it seemed like you chose to flex the topic via your structure...as opposed to a verse soley focused on lyrical interpretation of the topic...coo.
You told your story well, with good imagery...I wish there would have been more of a transition or explanation of why the junkie went on the shooting binge...and why the father found out about it from a fortune teller? at least that's what seemed to have happened...I mean, I understand that the scene was at a carnival...was just kind of difficult to follow the end (beginning).
As far as rhyme schemes go...you were really solid, everything felt natural...flow/cadence was good...
I think that the strength of your verse was in it's form/construction...you did a really good job keeping up with the 6 bullets...and the details...strong drop, Mal.
Dex: Alright dude...though it paaaaiiiins me to say this, I am officially a fan. You are such a talented story teller...your imagery is intelligent yet attainable...same thing with your concepts. They're very cerebral and original...but comfortable and sensical at the same time. I think it's because of your execution.
There is an effortless flow to both your rhyme schemes and story...you don't over due the rhyming and your wording is excellent. I honestly enjoyed this verse much more than last week's verse.
I wasn't crazy about the concept until i got to the reveal paragraph where you correlate the "evil" to our modern word...I thought that you did a good job of making both the "alien invasion" and "societal good vs. evil" concepts fresh...and both tend to be a bit played.
You had some really smart lines in here too...I'm stoned, so forgive my paraphrasing...but I really liked the "riddled stained eyes" moment, i thought that was fucking brilliant.
Overall...I think that this was an awesome match up. Malice, did a great job conceptualizing his topic and form....and he told a coherent story with really vivid imagery and solid rhyme schemes. Dex did all of the above as well....and both of you have great wording too...the reason Dex get's my vote is because of the original concepts WITHIN each line...Dex just had more clever moments than Mal...great verses fellas.
[YOUTUBE]2oVgq-QrwRM[/YOUTUBE]
....My eyes are red and sickle-veined, riddle stained
Just this morning, I woke up drivin' in the middle lane...
^^DOPE!!
Dex man... fuck, I been a fan of your writing since last season but you get better somehow with each read? I love the idea here. Recruiting the new brain for World War III... the last verse was just damn. I was gonna quote my favorite lines and found myself wanting to quote that entire last verse while tryin' to find lines out of it that I liked lmfao... Straight up dude. This is GOOD writing. Hands down. Flow is effortless - but it's not the flow that stands out. It's your ability to get the idea out there and the manner in which you do it. Everything equals out as far as mechanics go just like they should. You're on a roll this season and you've only just begun. After my opinion on your verse last week, and my opinion on your current verse now? you got my feelin' like a dickrider lmfao... wtf?? gftoh....
Malice... I mean, damn. This was dope too in its own way. But I spoiled the idea by reading it bottom to top first... I think you should've said something first, that or gone about writing it a different way structurally... For some reason, even re-reading it backwards didn't do it for me. I was kind've let down to know what was happening as far as an ending goes more than influenced or happy with it... Flow was good, wording was decent.. it's just the way you brought this out. Your weakness seemed to be Dex's greatest strength in this match... and for that, you really end up at a disadvantage in this round...
So yeah, overall I think it was an obvious decision for me this week.. could've been closer had Malice actually brought his concept in a different way, but that's not the case and Dex wrote a hell of a drop yet again...
vote Dex'Labb
Dex wins, 3-0.
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