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Thread: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

  1. #1
    Esquire. Mr. Black's Avatar
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    Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    “The Walker”
    --------


    .
    .
    .


    Through hunger & blood-thirsting, the fighter was once worthy,
    a man who was the coldest lies under the sun; burning,
    searching for a point, where there's numbers of cusp's lurking,
    his heart forged of poise is asunder and just hurting,
    blood in the dust's turning... gone once it drips,
    his wounds won't heal, but his flaws are dismissed,
    "Ithasia the Angel" -- current God of the pits,
    knows the sands won't take a soul that's as hollow as his..
    philosophy is, if he wanders into yonder eclipse,
    might finally find out if what he followed exists.
    road's a twisted vein inside of Solomon's wrist,
    prepared to die the second palms are balled in to fists.
    vultures amidst an amber sky, air reeks of abandonment
    ahead, gems glimmer ruby red at the feet of a basilisk -
    leapin to capture it, such a pitiful jump -
    stones simply shriveled to smoke upon physical touch.
    humidity pumps, nauseating, smothering skin,
    one life is over .. & now the journey to another begins.

    An uncovering glimpse, one his hands would insist -
    was a mirage all except that giant basilisk's hiss,
    and fast as it is? the warrior knows how to fight,
    a scaley creature's no match once he throws out his knife.
    as it moans loud and dies, he turns around to the sands,
    reembarking on his journey it lashes out at his back
    for one final attack, a simple lunge from it's death
    venom dripping from his shoulder as he cuts off its head,
    the sting hugs on his breath, he's a little bit woozy,
    yet still walking on... little by little he's moving.
    while liquid is oozing from a cut in his flesh,
    entire left side starts to feel it's numbing effects.
    takes couple of steps, then it spreads to the right,
    golden void slowly opens and he heads for the light -
    where seven disciples stand, embedded in white,
    staring down upon him from incredible heights.
    so he took this opportunity to question his life,
    asked if that accident was really heaven's invite,
    & if this desert was his destiny forever, despite
    the simple fact he knew not which direction he hiked ..

    An intersection with life? he didn't know it for certain,
    he'd only mustered up courage for the showing of purpose,
    knowing it hurts him -- was it worth the truth?
    to know that light never heals, it only burns the wound.
    that seeing isn't believing.. his eyes overt and loose,
    venom making him kneel, so now the burden's proof..
    how they cursed his tomb to be the sand in his toes,
    how damaging an enemy did him damage alone..
    surrounded by scarcity... where only famine is hope,
    with God's after his soul who can't capture a ghost,
    ever after unknown... so hollow and feeble -
    but by the poison in his veins he'd sever all of his equals
    ... never follow a people he felt prayed to false idols
    in this blistering heat, he'd see Ithasia fall idle...
    waves of fog cycled as he approached the divide,
    between body & soul, above motion & time.
    blue mist covered path to forked road with a sign,
    One read “Seek change” - the other, “Hope for divine.”
    emotional ties led him on a journey for change,
    then it was like God Himself began turning the page;
    felt reality shift and glimpsed eternity's range,
    before collapsing, headfirst into a circle of flames.
    body burning, a pain of fatal, venomous stings -
    a silhouette stood before him, beating feathery wings,
    He trembles & blinks; surely mirages from basilisk venom
    painting Ithasia, demonic deity, long casted from Heaven.
    Basked in her presence - A voice spoke, horrid & cold,
    Whispering;
    “You had your last chance at the fork in the road.”

    so...

    Like some form of a ghost, he swings and he falls,
    She backs away - with little effort, not blinking at all.
    deceiving, she draws... her giant bow arches
    releasing string, pushing nock at her powerful target...
    showering hardship and distaste at his body,
    'til he grabs arrow from thin air to replace it with folly.
    a radiant, godly aura grew from cracks in the surface,
    waiting to cleanse his soul in magma detergent,
    gathering courage, our wanderer ran at the angel,
    knife outstretched, all the while strapped to his ankle;
    thrashed & disabled, felt every vein inflated with death,
    enflaming his chest,
    as he collapsed, head-first, halfway to the edge ..
    her hand weighing against every inch of his structure,
    she's a boulder from heaven that God's stickin' him under,
    givin' him judgement from the time he bagan walkin',
    lawless, stubborn, raised up on bad knowledge ..
    his past? novice compared to the man at this crossin',
    a black knight rejected; her hand on the drawbridge.
    collapsed into darkness, he had chosen his destiny
    Ithasia was his guide, the walker's soul was the enemy.
    death led him to a land where he strode, with no memory,
    of life, or why he wandered now, alone in the desert heat.
    thrown to the devil's teeth, away from enchanted light,
    the choices we make dictate our fate in the afterlife.

    so let this be a lesson, for those still alive -
    in purgatory, change is meaningless .. just hope for divine.






    - ThoseKidsBlackAndCry
    I'm here to break my own ball and chain..

  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    feedback links are up.. I'll feed any links that come in as well.

  4. #4
    So Fresh and So Clean FreshADiddle's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    okay...i've finally read it...and here goessss....

    I liked the story telling mechanism that you dudes used here....especially with the heavy greek metaphors (I know what a basilisk is...but who the fuck is Ithasia?)....and the desert imagery always lends itself towards an inherent feeling of desolation, fear, loneliness, and hope (endless horizon) which is the perfect setting for purgatory.

    I liked the contrast of "battle scenes" (the basilisk, etc...) and the "fork in the road/you gotta choice" moment/scene...It definitely helped paint the picture of a life defined by choices and chances...and the repercussions of those decisions in the afterlife.

    The constant God references were cool...again, helped lay down and define the chosen "morality" or value premise of the verse...

    I mean, really...I could keep breaking down the conceptual elements....but both you boys are really adept at crafting and executing a creative concept. I didn't think that the concept was super creative and original........but the imagery and wordsmithing was definitely present at an original and elevated level, thank goodness.

    These were some of my favorite lines/scenes:
    An uncovering glimpse, one his hands would insist -
    was a mirage all except that giant basilisk's hiss,
    and fast as it is? the warrior knows how to fight,
    a scaley creature's no match once he throws out his knife.
    as it moans loud and dies, he turns around to the sands,
    reembarking on his journey it lashes out at his back
    for one final attack, a simple lunge from it's death
    venom dripping from his shoulder as he cuts off its head,
    the sting hugs on his breath, he's a little bit woozy,
    yet still walking on... little by little he's moving.
    while liquid is oozing from a cut in his flesh,
    entire left side starts to feel it's numbing effects.
    takes couple of steps, then it spreads to the right,
    golden void slowly opens and he heads for the light -
    where seven disciples stand, embedded in white,
    staring down upon him from incredible heights.
    so he took this opportunity to question his life,
    asked if that accident was really heaven's invite,
    & if this desert was his destiny forever, despite
    the simple fact he knew not which direction he hiked ..
    I thought that scene was sooo clear and visually vivid...and the summation at the end of the phrase was great to clarify the moral intention of the writer of the scene. I also thought the wording was SPOT ON.

    knows the sands won't take a soul that's as hollow as his..
    philosophy is, if he wanders into yonder eclipse,
    might finally find out if what he followed exists.
    road's a twisted vein inside of Solomon's wrist,
    prepared to die the second palms are balled in to fists.
    vultures amidst an amber sky, air reeks of abandonment
    ahead, gems glimmer ruby red at the feet of a basilisk -
    that seeing isn't believing.. his eyes overt and loose,
    venom making him kneel, so now the burden's proof..
    how they cursed his tomb to be the sand in his toes,
    how damaging an enemy did him damage alone..
    surrounded by scarcity... where only famine is hope,
    with God's after his soul who can't capture a ghost,
    ever after unknown... so hollow and feeble -
    but by the poison in his veins he'd sever all of his equals
    ... never follow a people he felt prayed to false idols
    in this blistering heat, he'd see Ithasia fall idle...
    ^I really appreciated the metaphorical imagery in that segment...and lived the false idols/fall idle scheme/wording...as far as smart writing goes, this might be the smartest segment of the piece.

    Alright...I'm done...you both know the flow and rhyme schemes were on point, so I'm not going to dive into it........the wording was great in this piece though.

    Nice collab, boys...very very cohesive between writers. Kudos.



    [YOUTUBE]2oVgq-QrwRM[/YOUTUBE]

  5. #5
    SCREENSHOT ASSASSIN Tool's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    I got you (two) when I got time to.
    Impart wisdom
    In part wishing
    The wit-starved listen
    & dim sparks glisten.

  6. #6
    Esquire. Mr. Black's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    k then. thanks for carrying the weight of the links cry sorry but i cant bring myself to even pay attention to half the garbage in here. iggy and tool's last pieces are the only ones worth the bandwidth they occupy.

    soo i'm feeling a bit pessimistic lately.. uppin this i guess?
    I'm here to break my own ball and chain..

  7. #7
    Xtermnation Xtraordinaire Genocide's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    goooooooooooooooooddayumnit mayne. fucking flames my doods

    blood in the dust's turning... gone once it drips,
    his wounds won't heal, but his flaws are dismissed,
    "Ithasia the Angel" -- current God of the pits,
    knows the sands won't take a soul that's as hollow as his..
    philosophy is, if he wanders into yonder eclipse,
    might finally find out if what he followed exists.
    road's a twisted vein inside of Solomon's wrist,
    prepared to die the second palms are balled in to fists.

    that shit right there man, damn that was raw lol


    for one final attack, a simple lunge from it's death
    venom dripping from his shoulder as he cuts off its head,
    the sting hugs on his breath, he's a little bit woozy,
    yet still walking on... little by little he's moving.
    while liquid is oozing from a cut in his flesh,
    entire left side starts to feel it's numbing effects.

    not sure who's who here, i think i know -but i aint jumping out there. lemme just say -this part was avivdly painted man. dope as fuck

    knowing it hurts him -- was it worth the truth?
    to know that light never heals, it only burns the wound.

    surrounded by scarcity... where only famine is hope,
    with God's after his soul who can't capture a ghost,
    ever after unknown... so hollow and feeble -
    but by the poison in his veins he'd sever all of his equals
    ... never follow a people he felt prayed to false idols
    in this blistering heat, he'd see Ithasia fall idle...
    waves of fog cycled as he approached the divide,
    between body & soul, above motion & time.
    blue mist covered path to forked road with a sign,
    One read “Seek change” - the other, “Hope for divine.”

    more fucking nastyness here

    deceiving, she draws... her giant bow arches
    releasing string, pushing nock at her powerful target...
    showering hardship and distaste at his body,
    'til he grabs arrow from thin air to replace it with folly.
    a radiant, godly aura grew from cracks in the surface,
    waiting to cleanse his soul in magma detergent,
    gathering courage, our wanderer ran at the angel,
    knife outstretched, all the while strapped to his ankle;
    thrashed & disabled, felt every vein inflated with death,
    enflaming his chest,
    as he collapsed, head-first, halfway to the edge ..
    her hand weighing against every inch of his structure,
    she's a boulder from heaven that God's stickin' him under,

    damn man. definitely two of my fav artists on this site. this is no exception. second piece i've opened here and i consider them both HOF

    dope read

  8. #8
    Esquire. Mr. Black's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    gratzi familia
    I'm here to break my own ball and chain..

  9. #9
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    Through hunger & blood-thirsting, the fighter was once worthy,
    a man who was the coldest lies under the sun; burning,

    maybe a comma after coldest, dope start

    searching for a point, where there's numbers of cusp's lurking,
    his heart forged of poise is asunder and just hurting,
    blood in the dust's turning... gone once it drips,
    his wounds won't heal, but his flaws are dismissed,
    "Ithasia the Angel" -- current God of the pits,
    knows the sands won't take a soul that's as hollow as his..

    i didnt like the his wounds wont heal line, the rest of tis section was nice .. building the story.. me likith

    philosophy is, if he wanders into yonder eclipse,
    might finally find out if what he followed exists.

    very nice, profound and all.. I like again!

    leapin to capture it, such a pitiful jump -
    stones simply shriveled to smoke upon physical touch.
    humidity pumps, nauseating, smothering skin,
    one life is over .. & now the journey to another begins.

    nice imagery and transition

    and fast as it is? the warrior knows how to fight,
    a scaley creature's no match once he throws out his knife.
    as it moans loud and dies, he turns around to the sands,
    reembarking on his journey it lashes out at his back
    for one final attack, a simple lunge from it's death
    venom dripping from his shoulder as he cuts off its head,
    the sting hugs on his breath, he's a little bit woozy,
    yet still walking on... little by little he's moving.
    while liquid is oozing from a cut in his flesh,
    entire left side starts to feel it's numbing effects.

    this part I was naww no way , motherfucker throws a knife at this bad ass thing and it dies right away, then you had it lunge at the motherfucker when its back was turned, I think this section could have been better if they had a more realistic battle, sorta of a chess game, but for what it was it was good guys.

    takes couple of steps, then it spreads to the right,
    golden void slowly opens and he heads for the light -
    where seven disciples stand, embedded in white,
    staring down upon him from incredible heights.

    really liked this section.. nice imagery solid flow, overall a nice compliment to this story..

    this part I thought feel off again until the last line which I really enjoyed..

    so he took this opportunity to question his life,
    asked if that accident was really heaven's invite,
    & if this desert was his destiny forever, despite
    the simple fact he knew not which direction he hiked ..

    really liked that last lines concept and thought it was worded very well.

    how they cursed his tomb to be the sand in his toes,
    how damaging an enemy did him damage alone..
    surrounded by scarcity... where only famine is hope,

    really sick part here, the lines before it like the burden of proof line was ehhh not so much.

    waves of fog cycled as he approached the divide,
    between body & soul, above motion & time.
    blue mist covered path to forked road with a sign,
    One read “Seek change” - the other, “Hope for divine.”

    fuck me, this section is just too good.. fits perfectly in this story and in any story describing the afterlife.. some truly dope concepts rhyming perfectly, masterfully crafted.

    felt reality shift and glimpsed eternity's range,
    before collapsing, headfirst into a circle of flames.
    body burning, a pain of fatal, venomous stings -
    a silhouette stood before him, beating feathery wings,
    He trembles & blinks; surely mirages from basilisk venom
    painting Ithasia, demonic deity, long casted from Heaven.
    Basked in her presence - A voice spoke, horrid & cold,
    Whispering;
    “You had your last chance at the fork in the road.”

    Ahh I thought he sought change! your said so! why is his ass in hell@!??


    a radiant, godly aura grew from cracks in the surface,
    waiting to cleanse his soul in magma detergent,

    lol i laughed at that..

    so let this be a lesson, for those still alive -
    in purgatory, change is meaningless .. just hope for divine.

    OOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo00000000000oOOOOooooo Fucking dope ending..


    Sorry it took me awhile to reply to this, ive had no time to do anything, been workin my balls off...

    nice job writting your balls off..


    pz

    and

    respect
    Se7en Travels

  10. #10
    Guided by Destiny Dreamer22's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    Elevate. Both. Pz. Keep at it homies. I c u reaching...

  11. #11
    Touch My Beard Extinctor Draconis's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    amazing read, which also makes me hope there will be a tag team round in SS one week? Imagery was pretty damm amazing. Another thing that impressed me was how well both of your styles meshed; I really couldn't tell who wrote what stanza. I got a boner from the greek metaphors, everything was well portrayed and gave that desolate feeling. You guys could be the new Atti and Legendz, seriously it was that dope to me. I hope this collaborations between the two of you becomes a constant event.
    De Kapitein

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  12. #12
    The Future Among Us The Nav Man™'s Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    Reading the title, and the writers featured, I knew it would be crazy.
    But DAMN!
    Multies are sick.
    Imagery was damn nuts.
    Both of yall came together well.
    Meta's and what not were proper.
    Not really much to complain about.
    Knew it was gonna be sick.

    Please feed on this piece fells, I think you may like it.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...196/index.html
    Trapped within the lights of the city..
    Where it looks full of life but inside it's all empty..
    And from outside it's all tempting..
    What..it's all lies upon entry..

    :noor:
    [YOUTUBE]uGEHlYk4M5c[/YOUTUBE]

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! theSMURF's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    Damn! shit this is one of the most vivid pieces ive ever read. really impressive the whole thing reads flawlessly..I wish i knew how you guys came up with half that shit. Great job collabing on this it seems like one person wrote this and it maintained its feel all the way through. I'd like to give in depth critique but its beyond my bounds of criticism.
    blood in the dust's turning... gone once it drips,
    his wounds won't heal, but his flaws are dismissed,
    "Ithasia the Angel" -- current God of the pits,
    knows the sands won't take a soul that's as hollow as his..
    philosophy is, if he wanders into yonder eclipse,
    might finally find out if what he followed exists.
    road's a twisted vein inside of Solomon's wrist,
    prepared to die the second palms are balled in to fists
    ^^My fave part, not even sure why. Very creative
    The way you used used imagery so seamlessly to paint an otherwise indescribable scene is amazing. Thank you for posting this cause it was an inspiring read. Mad respect to you
    Great work dudes keep it up

  14. #14
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    I really enjoyesd this guys... long ass read though, yet id didnt seem it reading through, im sick of seeing fucking garbage in this forum these days... so yea props for bringing the decent shit...

    the sting hugs on his breath, he's a little bit woozy,
    yet still walking on... little by little he's moving.
    while liquid is oozing from a cut in his flesh,
    entire left side starts to feel it's numbing effects.


    ^^my sorta shit

    mechanically sound, the imagery was on point, good progression, fitting well with eachothers styles... rounded off with a nice ending

    so, all in all... no complaints, just sore ass eyes lmao

    ..........pz
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  15. #15
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
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    Re: Blacketh & Cry Present: “The Walker”

    Hey if you gentlemen could hit up my last open mic "tender magic" I would really much enjoy hearing your inputs..

    thank you and UP
    Se7en Travels

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