Love Stinks By:Written Voices

[Kaotic Theory]

Love Stinks
By: Jonathon, Kaotic Theory & FreshADiddle

'oooo that smell'
rocking and rolling
memory on repeat -
wanting a playback.

just your scent
priceless tagged;
my eyes see
through the sheets

every-now and again,
wanting to crave
savoring the taste
like buds in my nose

beauty isn't measured
only pleasure -
because sex is better.
....
that certain essence
of that distinct scent
has my sinuses dancing
like a waltz of passion

i can almost taste her
as she would swim
through the oxygen
traveling up my nostrils

was pure and cleansy
like the garden of eden
caressing me with her
convincing odor....
i call her love.
....
He lived in a basement apartment...
and smoked hella weed.
He had a compulsion for hand washing...
and eternally ashy knuckles.
We taught each other things.

I introduced him to Nag Champa...
to cover up the weed smell.
He preached the benefit of cocoa butter,
for his ashy paws and my long legs.
I would love to forget him.

Every time I go to the corner store,
the scent of his bed sheets fills me.
The store clerk loves Nag Champa...
And my summer time shiny legs
remind me of his shoulders cradling my knees.

I should have done more blow in college.

[Kaotic Theory]

Fresh's Link:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...440/index.html
Kaotic's Link:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...440/index.html

[Jon]

up please

[FreshADiddle]

upppppp

and Kuhn: I wasn't aware that anyone had said that before...I wrote it.

[abiona]

Interesting mix here. Given how Fresh wrote the last part... I think it might have been more cohesive if the first half was written more about "she" As is, the pronouns are all funky.

beauty isn't measured
only pleasure -
because sex is better.

lol.

The middle portion (KT?) had a few word choices that stuck out to me as somewhat out of place - distinct, odor, sinuses, oxygen, cleansy(?) I donno, just didn't seem to fit the vibe of the piece. Aside from that, I picked up on the same feel that Kuhn did. Very mellow and relaxed like those memories that float in gently along with the scent of something that brings them.

I can definitely relate to that, especially Fresh's part. There are definitely scents that take me back to people and places. Loved how you captured this:

remind me of his shoulders cradling my knees.

Could have been vulgar but it wasn't. It was still smooth like the rest of the piece.

Cool little piece yall have here. Reads like you had fun writing it.

[Kaotic Theory]

thanks abs. will rtf asap.

[Kaotic Theory]

bump

[Kaotic Theory]

more feedback please...2 is rediculous.

[Extinctor Draconis]

One of the better collabs poems. I didn't get as bothered by the word choices as abi did, but they did feel out of place at times. I got some good imagery; the waltz of passion line was a nice cool addition. Lmao at the ashy knees part, really cool addition to that image of a heroin addict more than a cocaine addict. I've always pictured coke addicts to be classy, flashy, hollywood characters. Shoulder cradling my knees line was coo. I thought with a few more touch up this could of been great.

[burn]

i am a sucker for love poems although this one was far different from any i have seen.i was kind of confused at first.but than i put together the comparing the different things the store clerks loved it he smelled and reminded him. decent i thought