Lip Synching

[Express'on]

Lips Synching

(Lip Synching)
I'll live in the midst
of towering fist
devoured by love
and cowardice fits
bound by lips
to love i insisted
to drown in hits
that never existed

Sinking
falling
like spit dropping
hearts pounding
relentlessly
fist throbbing
probably
wasn't the first time
she felt blows
felt highs lows
though none
show
her heart grows
slow, slowing, slower
it almost stops
she feels
each knock
the sound
grows loud
till it pounds
the door
of her heart
down
bang!
Dropping
falling breaking
her mind
his words lift
her jaw
her teeth cringe
his fist clinch
tight
against her lip
he hits so hard
flinch she wont
she's broke
down,
strokes In out
she doubts
fact
she fights back
tears,
her brain rains
deep
floods rush
seep through
dry eyes
glazed
wild
lions caged
drowning howls
face
broken moons
half gone
dissolved
in tears
fear she cant
hear
his words
mute
against her ears
she turns her cheek
and speaks
clear


I'll live in the midst
of towering fist
devoured by love
and cowardice fits
bound by lips
to love i insisted
to drown in hits
that never existed



I tried a lil different approach to this much more poetic...and the emphasis is brought almost instanteously...it just something I tried with this....Ill return any feed given...

links coming soon

[Express'on]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...36&postcount=3

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27&postcount=9

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03&postcount=5

[Mac]

tight
against her lip
he hits so hard
flinch she wont
she's broke
down,
strokes In out
she doubts
fact
she fights back
tears,
her brain rains
deep
floods rush
seep through
dry eyes
glazed
wild
lions caged
drowning howls
face
broken moons
half gone
dissolved
in tears
fear she cant
hear
his words
mute
against her ears
she turns her cheek
and speaks
clear

Looks pretty nice but pretty messed.. Keep the work up man :3
Looks nice

[El Heisenberg]

you are right... emphasis came immediately after the red text and followed through
this was a strange but cool structure and rhyme scheme was on point as usual coming from you.. stayed on topic goood consistency

[El Heisenberg]

feed'

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...432/index.html

[Soul Slayer]

Sorry for taking long to get back to you on this.

I liked the way you opened this poem up. It was very repetitive which i suppose you wanted to illustrate abusive behavior but I did have a problem with the ''hits'' line. Somehow that word did not seem to gel in with everything else in that stanza.

You second stanza was very fluid and I think this is where the poem begins for me. The transition from line to line is very crisp which i always acknowledge at any given day unless of course one uses a concept deliberately to convey it otherwise.
The emphasis on your colored word wasn't necessary. Any articulate person will notice that the word is placed there for that reason or simply highlight rather than use different color cause presentation wise, it strains the eyes but that just a personal thing.

Overall this was a good showing and the classic poetic style of using the same stanza for opening and closing to make the point you are conveying resonate is always a marvel. Good stuff, keep writing

[Soul Slayer]

Sorry for taking long to get back to you on this.

I liked the way you opened this poem up. It was very repetitive which i suppose you wanted to illustrate abusive behavior but I did have a problem with the ''hits'' line. Somehow that word did not seem to gel in with everything else in that stanza.

You second stanza was very fluid and I think this is where the poem begins for me. The transition from line to line is very crisp which i always acknowledge at any given day unless of course one uses a concept deliberately to convey it otherwise.
The emphasis on your colored word wasn't necessary. Any articulate person will notice that the word is placed there for that reason or simply highlight rather than use different color cause presentation wise, it strains the eyes but that just a personal thing.

Overall this was a good showing and the classic poetic style of using the same stanza for opening and closing to make the point you are conveying resonate is always a marvel. Good stuff, keep writing