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Thread: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    She gave me the excuse that I bargained for...
    it's a shame.. we ran a race and couldn't start with more...
    it wasn't 'thirsty hoes', or 'starvin' whores'..
    I can't explain a single reason that my heart is torn.
    my hands pry the lock and my scars are formed
    without ever knowing what that compartment stores.
    it's empty. no soul... a piece with no whole....
    and it's wrapped in a blanket of hate with no hope.
    a dam with broke flows. a man that's so cold,
    I can only breathe snow because I can't go home..
    a king with no throne... 'cause I rejected it...
    my queen left with the bed to where affection went.
    less and less; the grip... my whole chest is split
    with the axe that her love was represented with...
    I hope she's dead.. the bitch. I wont pretend to win,
    next time, cupid...
    try to aim the knock where her necklace sits.

    Traffic was bad, she'd make an excuse so tragic and sad,
    magical bags... pulled out a noose with the rabbit attached.
    Actual facts... I knew the truth just by the reactions she'd have,
    casual pass... she'd sit in the room and I'd imagine she'd laugh.
    Sinister plots... guess we'll never bloom just wither and rot,
    figured if not, then together we'll choose to hinder or stop.
    Slither from God... breaking the news, she whimpers and sobs,
    just like a dog, so I'll continue to give her dinner and 'rocks'.
    Cheating whore... I've seen it before but I'm dreaming of more,
    fleeing the storm... unleash me or die from a beating of swords.
    Bleeding galore... feeding your corpse to a starving boar,
    free me from scorn... decency forms but it's hardly a spore.
    Writing this piece, I'm typing the need to confide in a speech,
    fighting the preach... if crying is defeat than I'm right at my knees.
    Dying to scream... trying to see beyond life and it's greed,
    hiding in dreams... if lightning strikes twice, what's the second time mean?

    I told her that I loved her and she rectified me...
    pricked me with a needle... said it's best if I bleed.
    I once said she was beautiful.. but forget what I seen..
    when she hit me with a knee that would contest with my teeth.
    choked on my words.. she burned me. I blackened... so
    I asked her real name, 'cause that's how demons get vanquished.
    screamin' in anguish.. with no visible wounds,
    it's funnier when she leaves holding a picture of you...
    Thinking of antics... and the physical use,
    I grab the car keys knowing she'll deliver the truth.
    Behind her Prius, we follow her across the bridge,
    using common sense, though it's known to be off the grid.
    I watch her get out of the car and that's when it happened,
    something so morbid and impossible to fathom.
    She wasn't cheating, believe me, and even if she had been,
    a speeding vehicle just greeted her with bleeding passion.
    Last edited by Soule; December 21st, 2013 at 07:09 AM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Soule
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Bump

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Smog's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    All I gotta say is this is a nice piece... The story period but never the less how u worded it beautifully.. Mad props from my side hommie, love is love on this track... Good stuff keep writing

  5. #5
    Soule
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Thanks bro.

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Thanks g.

  7. #7

    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    I enjoy reading this piece alot, you had some pretty cool worded.

  8. #8
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    I liked the piece a lot overall.

    First stanza had good flow, good multis, gave a basic outline of what the piece is about, explained the emotional position of the piece. some nice lines in there. A few of them felt like they were making the same point, but it moved well enough that it didn't get bogged down in repetition.
    next time, cupid...
    try to aim the knock where her necklace sits.

    this was dope

    In terms of flow, the second stanza didn't follow on well from the first. The flow built up a rhythm and then the second stanza abruptly clashed with that.
    Actual facts... I knew the truth just by the reactions she'd have,
    casual pass...

    this line was niiiiice tho. Again, good multis, and on its own this stanza had good flow as well, just didnt sit with the first imo.
    Writing this piece, I'm typing the need to confide in a speech,
    fighting the preach... if crying is defeat than I'm right at my knees.
    Dying to scream

    good imagery as well, this was emotive and powerful

    third stanza kept the story moving well, cool ending too, I wasn't expecting it to finish like that.
    choked on my words.. she burned me. I blackened... so
    I asked her real name, 'cause that's how demons get vanquished.

    these lines here hurt the flow, I think you could've rethought this bit, but overall I liked the piece a lot. If it's based on real life events, you got my sympathies.

  9. #9
    Soule
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Nah. Just a piece about our bitch ex's we'd wish would die lol. Thanks bruh.

    First verse - ThatKidCry
    Second verse - Me
    Third verse - first 8 ThatKidCry, last eight me.

  10. #10
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    I hear that haha

  11. #11
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    bitch I got the best flow on the board out loud!

    www.soundcloud.com/thatkidcry



    hahah... shameless plug. nah but thanks for the feed bruh!

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! J Fly The Don's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    I was expecting something different but if Dagel is writing then expect it to be emotional. In love again D?

    Dying to scream... trying to see beyond life and it's greed,
    hiding in dreams... if lightning strikes twice, what's the second time mean?


    The most poetic line. Lightening striking twice might not be a good thing. people who part then return usually part again. There will always be emotions or thoughts but the problems, the heartbreak still remains.

    ultimately guys..reservior gods sound less like a love piece but the flow was crisp and not forced so i enjoyed the read. Would've liked a better resolution in the end but hey..it seemed like a rollercoast anyway. great work fellas

  13. #13
    Soule
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Reservoir Gods is our crew name. But thanks bruh.

  14. #14
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    @Don Jon LOVED IT... I felt like when reading it it was written by my ex, accused me of cheating ALL the time when I was loyal as fuck... BUT you all know when a girl behaves, she gets trampled in most cases - it's the chase and the games that keeps it all interesting until one of you is finally fed up. I wonder if you read some of mine to him if it would explain our side better (like Apologize)... As far as the piece, one of the best on here... if it was an original and not a dear stan ending, I would put it up for nomination.

  15. #15
    Soule
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    Re: Beautiful Demon (Reservoir Gods)

    Bump

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