Perception

[Oxymoron]

Dancing through my imagination, off retinas she reflects through,
condensed onto material worlds, no longer illusions do I view.
Inhaling, exhaling. Focused on suttle movements, here an now.
Breathless, she grasps my attention, all my might an I might derail..
Focus! I notice calmly, my thoughts sight prevail.
Within reach is the goal, I can feel it! Ignite the trail.
What a sight to tell, blazing heavenly incense at night to smell,
aromas that float through with wisdom n heighten detail.
Insanity on the cusp of reality. Untapped potential,
in the night I drown on the banks of sanity.
A pure mind running rapid with wild streams,
when traced to the origin, loops back to the start of the seam,
Exhausted, staring up I drop my writing tools, no longer a maker,
Back grazing on pastures, I hunger n tame my animalistic nature.
Carefully placed essence gathers, sparking imaginations,
enlightened by astral chemistry transpiring.. yet viod, astoundingly vacant..
Struck by the subtle beauty of the universe, ever growing; expansive,
Yet the people you harbour don’t appreciate the flowing talent you can give.
..you push me towards adventures even I have not planned yet...
with standards peaking, always rising.. One look down n I can slip...
When I escape your confines, I enjoy myself out of hands grip.
A now shrinking night, opposing light grows within slight reach,
stretching out my resting arms, still quiet, relaxed, erasing the nights ink.
Gone already? But I have many questions, and you many answers..
Shocked by this, my third eye gains relief, back to the land of living.
How can I tell if this is real? ...Reality within reality is a grand trip that keeps giving.



http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...09#post8615509
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-BRIEF-LECTURE

[Emily]

"This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to." © ILLunatic

(had to be done based on the...not fair factor....I will feed this tomorrow lol)

[Emily]

Perception is a great title for this piece.
You explain your thoughts well. You not only tell us your ideas, but let us
take the trip into your imagination and the colourful world you dipict,
which is full of detail that helps the atmosphere build nice and thick.
Cool first line, “Dancing through my imagination…”
You follow it with… “…of retinas she reflects through,
condensed onto material worlds, no longer illusions do I view…”
I love all of that. Worded well and the pauses work in its favour.

“Inhaling, exhaling. Focused on suttle movements, here an now.
Breathless, she grasps my attention, all my might an I might derail..”

Niiiice. Showing your conscious loss of control slipping.
The ‘knowing’ is cool to read.

“blazing heavenly incense at night to smell,
aromas that float through with wisdom n heighten detail.
Insanity on the cusp of reality. Untapped potential,
in the night I drown on the banks of sanity…”

And what a stunning death experience that is.
That other side is painted with an intriguing brush that lets the waft of that aroma
heighten my own sensations because of your details.

“Exhausted, staring up I drop my writing tools, no longer a maker,
Back grazing on pastures, I hunger n tame my animalistic nature.
Carefully placed essence gathers, sparking imaginations,
enlightened by astral chemistry transpiring.. yet viod, astoundingly vacant..”

Case of the ‘munchies?’ lol
I like the way you describe all of the phases that happen throughout this bit.
Right up to the ‘sparking imaginations’ how they’re ‘enlightened the chemistry
of astral planes transpiring, but still void and somehow vacant.
Trippy.
I also like the reflection that takes place in the bars under this bit, regarding
the beauty in the universe and how it’s always evolving and growing.
And then you show us your frustration at other people’s inability to see
the potential and talent of what it is, that pushes you towards adventures that even you couldn’t have predicted. I like that you’re always one step behind your high. Admiring it.
That thing that gets you revved and takes you to that other realm is almost iconized.
And I love the acceptance of that.

“with standards peaking, always rising.. One look down n I can slip...”

Cool line. Riding on the cusp of inspiration. Doing a fine balancing act.

“When I escape your confines, I enjoy myself out of hands grip.
A now shrinking night, opposing light grows within slight reach,
stretching out my resting arms, still quiet, relaxed, erasing the nights ink.
Gone already? But I have many questions, and you many answers…”

Coming down, the way your body chills, relaxes and unwinds.
Leaving yesterday’s questions to be answered by tomorrow’s higher self.

“Shocked by this, my third eye gains relief, back to the land of living.
How can I tell if this is real? ...Reality within reality is a grand trip that keeps giving.”

Reality leaves questions that aren’t easily answered on this side of the realm.
Your zones are clear to see.
I love how you describe your emotions and touch on the highs and lows of your
‘on a blade’ moment. As a reader, I enjoy that because you have the ability
to explain yourself well, adding momentum to the piece.

I liked that you were able to keep the content strictly working a uniform idea.
Your rhymes were soft and your flow was good for the most part. I felt some
stagnation in the bottom part somewhere but to be honest,
I was too busy delving and disappearing into your imagery and detail.

Good trip It’s Moist.

Great read.

[Split Eight]

I gotcha

[Johnny 6-feet]

Poetry, plain and simple. You had a nice balance of imagery, strong vocab and smooth multi's which made this fun to read. Some lines which really stood out to me:

in the night I drown on the banks of sanity.
A pure mind running rapid with wild streams,

A reference to dreams? Your choice of words made this easy to picture.

Struck by the subtle beauty of the universe, ever growing; expansive,
Yet the people you harbour don’t appreciate the flowing talent you can give.

Some existential stuff here made personal. Good.

Keep pushing the creative limits. This is the right place for it.

[Dkoy]

Within reach is the goal, I can feel it! Ignite the trail.
What a sight to tell, blazing heavenly incense at night to smell,

our basic fundamentals are covered, just consistency from line to line. . When you switch rhyme schemes you don't have a (bridge) multi to help the reader transition to the next part. It makes it a slow read, and for a person like myself, I lose interest. You do have some heavy lines like the one above, but tighten up your rhyme scheme and you will have a good piece.

[English]

this was good in terms of staying relevant - the thread of your premise was more like a rope you casually descended, sometimes veering from, but always anchored to. good grip. there were a couple of spelling errors which don't bother me intensely, but suttle was a bit jarring. it was a little bit erratic in terms of rhythm, for me, but it may be a case of not agreeing with some of your imperfect )slant( rhyming. i think spoken aloud it worked better than it did on the (web)page.

What a sight to tell, blazing heavenly incense at night to smell,
aromas that float through with wisdom n heighten detail.

really good pair of lines. rolled off the tongue effortlessly. good shit, you seem to have your own flavour when penning. i like that.