Downward spiral

[Skybones]

Clear and present danger , a real unpleasant stranger, harden by my years and bent by stress and anger, strung out like a hanger, state blues and a banger, I put to sleep the feeble minded babies in a manger, ,keep one in the chamber, precision guided laser which I grip with finger tips, and squeeze just like a strangler, with fruitless acts of labor I've fallen out of Favor, resorted back to petty cons and hitting licks for paper. Vodka straight no chaser, dank buds for the vapors only thing that calms my mind and helps the pressure taper, now Im swerving in the blazer I crash its something major, the impact caused a crater, its crystal clear Im out of here and off to meet my maker.

[Karaoshi]

Obviously you need to format this properly. Aside from that, you've shown a skill at writing within the bounds of a rhythmic pattern. Unfortunately it does drag on a bit longer than it perhaps should. With stanzas that might not be the case, but as it stands, it gets too repetitive. Keep it up tho and next time, press the enter key between lines

[Emily]

lol this was really good. Another one that's strong on rhyme and flow. But it's smooth and I like what you're saying.
Your end rhymes aren't always clean, which I like. I would have liked some more of that lol but as it stands it rhymes
quite well with no breaks in it for me to stop my concentration or stagnate the flow. I think you need to be a little careful
because if you keep rhyming like this, in this style, for too long, there's a chance it can start to sound a lil bit like a limerick,
which would be a shame because I like the more serious nature of natural flow and not forced flow (here in pc).
But another good piece here my friend. Keep dropping. You show lovely talent for the written word and it's a pleasure reading your work.


Thank you.