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  1. #391
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @I_got_shine you're the sweetest ever THANK YOU!
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  2. #392
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Candy I love Pac to death and in psychosis's seeing him has saved my life. Like he still VERY much alive to me and I will tell you why. I didn't notice it was him under the train station in harlem that night... it was a girl that asked for a cigarette and then she nodded like pay attention. Then way years later I am at a friends hotel room and I thought I saw his ghost thru him got scared and ran out. The room got busted like an hour or two later and they all went to jail. Then in myrtle beach when I was hit he was yelling at me to wake up. To most recently at work an old lady came up to me and told me she liked my fatigue pants, asked for a cig, and then there was another old lady wandering confused in the parking lot in front of a late model mercedes. I don't like late model anything car wise for real... but still trying to figure out what that was supposed to say or mean. Also my friend Jamie committed suicide last year and she had pac quotes all over her page. She asked me to find some pills for her and I didn't and I thank god I didn't cause if I did she would've used them and me to do it. I started to study Pac, when I bought my ex one of his books and went thru it and saw he doodles when he writes too sometimes. He wouldn't accept the gift and gave it back to me but when I look back I would say random things that I would dismiss like "Are they waiting for my funeral to admit it and just be togther" and stuff like that. The dream I had getting shot in the passenger seat and etc and how the song "Until the End of Time" is exactly me and my ex that I started marching with to even begin with. There is so many songs I can pin point like "Are You Still Down" etc. The bandana, the videos, the irony of it all. I do want to learn more about him. I believe he is an angel. And sometimes I feel he is still alive... at least in spirit. And I believe as white as I am he was there for my original promise. Took me forever to remember how to spell that word a sec. Sometimes I wonder if when he's red, I'm white... and vice versa. But one day I'm a figure it all out. Hail Mary remind me of the night Chris got murdered and in Norwalk when I moved into the apartment my land lord was showing me how to vaccuum the AC and his kid spilled curry the night before and it still smelled like it in the vaccuum (We won't worry it willl all curry) so at first when I woke up I didn't worry... I got hit like a mother fucker for that though. That's why I love Pac and believe he is an angel for real. I don't know much of the biggie and pac story but even with Big after my ex got robbed he had a gun on the table and I picked it up and said "Let me see that clip" joking. Stuff like that... and I do believe it is because I have the blood of Chris on my body and that is why all the connections and angels and demons and crazy shit. I just don't understand the nightmare, and why a nightmare - like did I do something wrong? And stuff like that... All Eyes... I can explain it easy - teach them how to do something or show them how you do something and stuff like that. I guess I been weird or different since I was 13 but my sister says what changed me is when Chris got murdered and that is when I started seeing slow mo and etc. so I don't know. But any pac clips are invited. Just trying to come to terms with and make sense of it all too. Like a letter from his ~ Unborn Child. I'm not born again... I'm just up.

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    @Candy I was listening to your albums while falling asleep last night... I think it helped a little but it was hard to pay attention to the words. BUt you write about real things I'm trying to learn more about alone. So I appreciate the help too.

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    I heard the word, I nodded yes... but don't ask me what you said or what it means.
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  3. #393
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Beautiful Vixen's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I love you @ Candy
    You're welcome @ Dis
    Thanks love

  4. #394
    cereal killer Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    thanks you guys i am glad you appreciate much love much love
    curiouser and curiosuer

  5. #395
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I'm having a good day today... I am SO happy I woke up at 10am and not 10pm!!! I did sleep for like 2 days though. I wrote some shit and had to look up some words and laughed cause substance abuse (osar) seems to be the key to it all... It's time to go 100 again I suppose. ;o( My Psych got a new position within the practice and I have to find a new one. I'm a little upset about that cause for once I had a good dr. I'm going to buy a journal I think and start writing there at night again. Bother you people less even though I appreciate the support like you wouldn't believe. @Candy I'm really impressed with your music... it's helping me to sleep too. Thank you for sharing.

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    Sadness Part I
    https://www.bing.com/search?q=sadnes...vLKS6MNJrgHgFo


    (Start at horns after the munks sing)

    This song used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid
    But not as much as ever doing a bid
    This and “One” and now I play it sleep, I believe I won
    The wall is like a tree frozen in time…
    But do they lay awake or resting in rhyme
    The dark I saw, but it was the light that scared me
    Light as a feather stiff as a board, please come back Hail Mary
    My favorite part of church was the stories, the candles, and the black smoke thrown
    I showed up that day wearing purple, I know whose soul they will forever own
    I’ve been blessed with compassion, it is why I can forgive
    But you can’t see past an image either…
    It’s just how you choose to live
    You don’t want to make mistakes when you’re allowed to walk both sides
    But treason is usually the reason a whole usually divides…

    (After the girl says de woin and the munks)

    Demois so they say sirt enter light.

    Belle un du twee so lah for more. And in alla twee do you submise. Bestch to pway. Demois.
    Do you unto fall in a grace or do you vioux to lie un um bate. “Release early and often” know
    Demois - Why do you stay so busy bulte un da breach. Lay say no until a dawn… demois… voule be twine a heading. Osar, Osar in between a dream that is so heavy. Be win. Be last. Be fine.

    “In nominee Christi, Amen” ~ In the name of Christ Amen.

    (Breathing and let the song play out)

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    I told you all es tu meant so what ;o) LoL
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  6. #396
    cereal killer Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    its all yours

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    really awesome piece gl in the tournament
    curiouser and curiosuer

  7. #397
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Thanks... you too @Candy
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  8. #398
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Iíve been having to take Tylenol every night again for almost a week again cause the pain is unreal. I donít know how to make them stop or how they got on me to even begin with.

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    I guess the way to describe it with the pain and how and where... itís feels like you been beat down only your half way dead in a coma and when the pain stop like the hospital gave you morphine or something. Like itís so impossible you canít help but wonder if youíre dead or alive, more like in between... Cause my face and neck pain right now is unreal. But if I put my hands to my face and go to the people who are hurting me it will stop... I donít fucking think so!!!! Everything I been thru since I woke up? Like if you people are that sick to sit there and watch and hurt someone just cause you think itís some new blood... youíre dead wrong and I canít stand with you!

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    The pain is unreal... do you know how many times I’ve had to go to sleep at night or try to sleep thru it especially at work? At least 100 EASY and even then I’m probably counting it WAY short. I’m to the point idgaf... I just want them all off me!!!! It’s a god but it is definitely not mine!!!!

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    Like I understand that too... but when it’s MY god... I’m just normal like when I went to go pick up my friend... when they started to hit to begin with...

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    Popping my ear or pinning my face and excruciating pain and shit doesn’t impress me and every last one of them has to leave me alone

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    The spirits and family that force me to kiss my hands, share my body with them, they try to change my god and my religion at that too!!!! They just have to go... they don’t even get the chance to explain or come back now. Why I’m the one sick because they’re the ones demanding without even a right to!
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  9. #399
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Yeah was tripping last night... feeling more sober on a mental level today though... smh I swear sometimes it’s like being drunk and waking up to hear all the stupid shit you did.
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  10. #400
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Did my hair today and noticed another 2 sections/strands been cut. I haven’t talked to the perve who slept me for a pic in 8 months though and my ex think he did even worse than that. I have a feeling it’s a stupid dumb ass bitch who trashed her own royalty over this shit. They all saying be careful cause I’ll catch some charges but why they allowed to then though? Like every single mother fucking time I start to believe it is over I am reminded. How am I supposed to find some coward ass queen bitch in the dark when I can’t even send the shit back or break free. Last night was the first night in YEARS I was able to sleep without tossing and turning or pain and sick shit and like... I’m just to the point of frustration beyond belief. I need 24 hours to think because I’m too angry to make any decisions right now.

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    “Hello from the Other Side” (

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    I’m ok cause I believe in god and us and pac... @Candy is that Australia in the video too? I’m used to the ironies but i suppose it was written maybe. Even the people helping to get me thru without even realizing it. I’m kinda tripping tonight, don’t feel good and gagging again. It’s my moms bday and I feel so bad I had a shot of henny and a nip to calm down. I should’ve just said no. This shit all around is just making some bitch out of me and making me feel so weak... but then I know they couldn’t get thru it (what they put me thru) their damn selves.

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    I feel their knife rake down my wrists all the time... I guess they don’t realize I come from suicide. I’m not the one that should have to die over this and definitely not over a weak sick ass bitch like you that hits and hides and only hits cause you know I can’t hit you back. You just going to have to do it yourself if you want me dead. For real cause I’m tired AS FUCK!!!

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    I fear god and my council... not you bitches!!!

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    I got my ghosts back I think... my songs were changing by themselves tonight again. Maybe tonight I can feel safe again for the first time in 8 years but idk... I feel so sick right now... idfk

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    Maybe it’s only 7... I lose count
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  11. #401
    cereal killer Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    we got sticks like that well take care the fact you call it nip when you sleep is uber cute we call it kip.. or having a kipper

    anywhoot i hope you keep flushing out what you got in thought and keep it real love xoxo
    curiouser and curiosuer

  12. #402
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Thanks @Candy !!!

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    A kipper LOL that’s cute... are you native or from the us originally?
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

  13. #403
    FUCK YOU! Kill Spree's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by A Disciple View Post
    Thanks @Candy !!!

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    A kipper LOL that’s cute... are you native or from the us originally?
    You got discord?

  14. #404
    cereal killer Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by A Disciple View Post
    Thanks @Candy !!!

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    A kipper LOL that’s cute... are you native or from the us originally?
    im from aus but i work in the us
    curiouser and curiosuer

  15. #405
    Please shoot... idk how ⭐ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @kill _spree what’s discord?

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    Somebody is on my body and rumbling my thighs and I don’t want them on me... that creeper shit isn’t sexy to me. Get them off me I don’t know how to!!!!

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    You can’t just go and tag any bitch you want freak!! And yeah I caught my hair cut too!!!! Like get off me for real!!!! NO MEANS NO!!!!

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    I’m in sex therapy right now and it’s not helping they’re making it WORSE!!!
    ďYouíre babies mom lives so high... what can you do?Ē (TI) Iíve learned there is multiple meanings in most things. Some people call it metaphysics I think... I call it conscience (CLA919)

 

 

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