A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

Instagram… I mean how you all protect your bitches?!?!? I don’t want a man but I don’t deserve a deformed body either!!!!

[A Disciple]

I just want to know why I can’t defend or protect myself and why nobody will even let me set my personal boundaries with a god on my body abusing and disrespecting me. My life isn’t that precious to me and I rather be dead then forced to live under the creed that hurt me in mb to disrespect us to even begin with…

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Nobody will help me, nobody will teach me, nobody will protect me and they hurt and stalk me every day and night. My god didn’t save me for a bunch of wolves… he saved me to fix my family and that does not include any of them

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If I’m pire why couldn’t I save or help my dad

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I refuse to be forced to live like them I rather be dead

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Quit smoking for what? I was going to quit when I was pregnant… what’s the point now? Do you really think I want to prolong this life? Do you want me to post the pictures of what they get away with doing to me any time they fucking feel like?

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Like it’s a effing joke or even dismissive

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Nah but I see it’s all legal for them… how did that happen?

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Nah they confused me long before the brain damage from insanity breaks… the opera music on my voicemail at ibm… I was confused shuffling paper all day. What you think you just own a bitch and do what ever you want me to me? I’m up now and I will fucking kill before I ever bitch down or live sick for you. I don’t know who told you all MY creed but like… I’m not your nazi loving design a bitch either. God already made me who I am… I don’t want to change that.

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Give me something to respect and maybe I would… you all a bunch of genocide nozzy own people like you better…

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Tired of being abused and I’m not going to sit here and shut up and tolerate it.

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Tried to sleep… felt like pins were being stuck in my eyes again

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What ever you all or they all is trying to do… I’m not down, never was told, and never was

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I want everybody off my body please… EVERYBODY! You’re not my family, you’re not my nature, your not my creed, you’re not my authority… I am 43 years old - who the fuck I have to listen to?

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Just cause you’re on my body in religious ways hurting me doesn’t mean I don’t have a god too

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Considering that’s a path I never wanted to do or aspire to be… I doubt it

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In fact I’m dead set against that reality and personal shit…

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How did it come to this… how did it all happen… and what’s going on for real?

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Somebody is popping my ear and hurting me… how did they get on my body to begin with?

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Why won’t anyone make them stop abusing me?

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I rather be dead and I want my god back

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I heard that… omg bitch do you really think you were my god?

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My god? Over me and better than me to be my god and you really think in my lowest hours I ask for you? You really do believe that don’t you… told everybody I was right and it wasn’t low self esteem… it was hers is super high

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If that’s what you threaten like fine… I rather be retarded than forced to side with you and be your blow up doll bitch any way

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I’m going to try to sleep again…

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BITCH YOU LIFTED UP MY SHIRT AND TOUCHED MY BELLY!!!!! You about as sick as they come too!!!!! You own a bitch? Awww how cute… I will fucking kill you and any one that demand my life and body is for YOUR cause you self entitled without even a reason bitch

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Keep thinking shit is sweet…

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Yes NOW I’m asking for an investigation. The man who allegedly shot me was super young and have super blonde hair.

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Little girl what’s up for real?

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Keep coming at me and not leave me alone it’s just going to get worse and worse for you too

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For what?!!? I rather stop abuse, and torture, and stalking, and rape first… are you even serious right now? You think WHAT is more important?

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NOW I’m going to bed…

[A Disciple]

Yooo… I be tripping LoL smh

[A Disciple]

Yeah my all time favorite.. I get my part in songs and hip hop sometimes. My parts start at speaking in tounges like pac… and I remember I was just like you in BIGS part (my mom hated me a sec but I deserved it)

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No one’s born perfect… you grow and you learn

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The one with then I figured out what was the 20s down south one

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Even when they said I’d be dead… I had this fortune in my cookie one day that said “life is about the performance not the duration” to remind me peace and comfort and functioning at your best and making money… THATS what’s important… doing something you love every day even if it’s 5 days over living miserable for 20 and like…

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I just want to be my best do my best and I can’t do that opressed (sp?) anymore

[A Disciple]

The only one I would give rites like that to my body is Hollins… yeah I remember A strapping me back in the seat belt and I said I just want to go home… ) I fought back and it should’ve just ended it all right there… I fucked his face up for once instead of it being me… and I don’t even know why I felt bad cause nobody I ever met deserved it more!!! Just a prick bully…

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VA? I was never in that situation before… and I saw him being choked in his sleep and the room was in my name. I just stayed up and stared all night like I didn’t know what to do or think. But staying? I never felt so desperate going thru all that.. I played the roll of a stupid bitch before but believe me it’s not the females fault like… and they’re not stupid or pathetic. Just not good at vicious psych games. I pray my daughter and nieces stay FAR away from the ones like that and are never in a position to not value themselves at deserving more. I got my esteem and worth back since crazy. It all most broke my back though…

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I didn’t have the friends to build me back up… they made fun of me behind my back for it too. And even to my face… sideways though. S remember when one of them bitches was about to break a bottle over my head for sticking up for myself. And I just laughed. It started a rebirth though…

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I can fight but don’t ever want to have to again… I’ve been on no fighting since i was 25 and was so over it. So tired of bitches that were strangers starting with me in town where it really is all about respect. And like… I didn’t grow up with them. But if I had to call a “safe” neighborhood and my boys… I’d say the ridge NO DOUBT. Most call themselves Hill Top. I hope Corey and Sarah laugh when they drive past the house I built for them but then couldn’t buy…

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Maybe one day… him and hub the best flow-ers… but me and C had a bud of weed where a white spider was stuck in it. We smoked it any way…

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Never even a kiss… thank you for respecting and trusting me!!! You stand up for real!!!

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Maybe it’s just adult underground on this big and pac shit but I’m sure you all have a BUNCH to say

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Like an after hours…

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I used to love them 30+ clubs…

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Honestly though… I do love trap and the new music too

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Just always up against a ghost… “vultures and feens at your back” I curbed lying easy as a teen… but would escape to hotel rooms to just get fucked up and write and just be all by myself with all eyes or all souls. “Don’t make no difference escaping one last time… it’s easier to believe”

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I always wanted to be an Angel after death…

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I tell everybody now what I know for fact and don’t

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I never knew how he felt in his last moments with me… and like when the cop said he was dead I just dropped to my knees and cried and then it started snowing like God almost saying he’s fine and ok.

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“So tired of the street life”

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That’s when I was introduced to seeing at another level. A blessing and not a curse…

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Nah I only did weed, hash once, wet twice, e, and powder cocaine before and I perc once

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A perc once*

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Oh and Mali twice

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Drinking my issue when I actually do I go too far and throw up and stopped. But in fairness around my old friends I had ONE nip of Ciroc and was throwing too so like idk either

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Yes I’m hip hop and that type like Michele Ingrid too or Enya… but I like soul music like sittin by the dock or Etta James too… SOMETIMES a metal song and a few alternative songs… but r&b not really so much I’m a hit or miss unless it’s Chris brown.

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Usually…

[Soule]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-Disciple-(1-1)

[A Disciple]

And Mary J? That’s just like church music to me… you can find me in Mary j and Mariah too…

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And “I’m not in love… it’s just some type of thing I’m going thru”

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Those are my deepest with mary j

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The 2 missing you’s lol

[Soule]

Disciple, write lol. You got six hours.

[A Disciple]

@Soule LOL… what am I writing about and why only 6 hours?

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I got one I was setting up yesterday… I’ll finish it

[Soule]

You joined a league lol. There's battles with due dates and topics weekly

[A Disciple]

He's popping my ear and I have an entire head and face migraine like I should go to bed - I'm hissing too. They're VERY abusive.

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I forgot... I usually get reminders but will remember

[A Disciple]

Ok I feel better but the levels of hell are unreal… I don’t want to be redesigned and tacky against my own creed with the probably same people who did it… and yes but I need my own mannerisms and personality… they make me feel phony and fake and like I’m acting

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It makes me feel ugly too

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K, I, M, K (that’s ironic) … when I think of that I think of forgot. I did really like the kardashians and saw a few episodes too for the reality tv comment

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They’re scaring me… my god already designed me… can I please be me without changing my nature especially when I don’t want to

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Cause I can’t feel like them cause them bitches weak as fuck. What stripes do they have for real other than manipulation. In my world that’s corny… I prefer to do with the real

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Deal with the real*

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Watching all eyez… I’m going to say how I relate or what it means to me.

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“Rosemaries baby has the devil within” … a flower grows in a dark too cause prime example of what too much light can do too!!!!

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I rather die on my feet than live on my knees… LMMFAO not me and no comment and I’ll probably never be able to do that ever again either now. If it your man for shopping money… don’t front… you bitches do it for free.

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Nah I didn’t bleed thru though… why would there be a god terrorizing me? And fucking with my head?

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Not even going to think of that right now… I can’t I’ll never get forward…

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Thru my pants… it’s on my bed*

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They really have my body… so on that knees and feet comment I’d say… Freedom or death especially over my path and life desicions and gods and such. My God loves me… who’s is this one?

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I don’t believe and doubt my god would abuse a bitch into submission when it’s against every principal you have.

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Not my creed, not my religion, and not even my friends anymore

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I’ll put the movie back on… they can’t tell me what to do though especially if it puts me in hell or retarded. We already have insanity! I have my own problems - they all need to go resolve and face their own

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The guy in the yankee gas truck…‘I’m in hell and I don’t have to be! I’ve lost my instincts and my body and they won’t let me try to recover… like why I have to go crazy and suffer for them? I saw that and nah I’m not dressing tacky with it all about them… why would I even wanna be at his drop down. After what I saw I def would. Why would he even live that long? Please stop popping my ear I don’t want to live in hell with you!!!

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How I lose my choice and say too? It’s just a god or dr I collide with

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I need protection from creepers…

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I’m not their trash can either… and we just collide so no… you def can not own and demand my body when I say no.

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I do have a choice… DEATH!!!! You not going to disrespect me and my body and tnrow me into some type of hell!!!! Is that what’s going on she think she my best friend?!?? The bestest friend I ever had!?!!? LMMFAO

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In pain… mr pop a ear is an abusive prick and he’s on my body and I don’t know how he got there either

[A Disciple]

They’re not going to sit here and tell me and try to demand what I do. I REFUSE

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I’ll die before I let that happen!!!!

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Pain, taps, ear popping… having a hard time watching the movie

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Pawing my face?!!?! I’ve been me my whole life… you’re not going to demand to change my nature and creed now too

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Belial bitch… cat… creed… ours! I’m sure Everyone can respect ours only

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I’m Baal bird and like

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This zone and these spirits refuse to respect me and my body

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What did I do to get it disrespected to begin with and who?

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I’ll watch the movie later… all the voices and noises and spirit sharing like nah I really can’t stand it and don’t like it so why would I have to?

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I totally forgot… 3 double cheese burgers… but I couldn’t even tell you at which point I was supposed to get it

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Riding thru it with 3 people besides my family and it’s hard

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It’s like being dead alone… I can’t respect a god that abuses innocent people

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I think K got to strong on his bridges… someone must’ve told him… now he and everyone else they told won’t let go.

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I put my life on this entire switch around or give me death… you don’t have to give me torture

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Because I don’t want to lay down with my hands to my face talking or sorting demons I don’t even have or want. I’m not ready to deal with it yet and until I am leave me alone!!!!

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You man isn’t your god… at least he shouldn’t be

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Someone on my body that I probably never even met too?!???

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In hell with you instead of getting back to myself and family?

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Their spirits are forcing me to bow?!?!!? For what?!!?!! What am I guilty of?

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If I actually had a defense I’d say I’m not playing with you bitches at all… I’ve been thru enough as is and I’m not carrying all of the weight and nightmares

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Why do I have to feel like and live like them if it makes me sick, I don’t feel good, and it abuses me and puts me in hell?

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Cause I won’t do what the spirits and people want me to do… they even thought they could do it for me and like

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If I was in my nature things progress along fine… you just don’t like it

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They’re all spelling thru me it feels like

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I’m christened, communion, and confirmed so like I don’t know how this happens!

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Why do I have the wrong god for real?

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My dad turned Christian and maybe he can talk to them… I am weird like that have like my pre conceived vision of god and I feel like I’m Catholic and not Christian cause Jesus js not god yet… but when he comes he will judge the living and the dead… and like there is still time for redemption cause some of you all ghosts included are evil as fuck!!! I don’t want to talk or go to religion but I have shadows…

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I don’t believe in them being stronger than my creed… like…

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Yes… now I know

[A Disciple]

Pay to rape me? And I drop it and let it go?!!?? YEAH RIGHT

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I have legit wiring skills and can make my own money

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Idk and I’m not even going to think about it… I’m gonna smoke this cigarette and try to sleep. Like they think this is some game and joke and I don’t know how to turn it around.

[A Disciple]

I’m watching it again trying to not feel gross literally feeling my own enemies in my flesh

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Because it’s not my god, family, or creed… and they took enough of ones that weren’t even theirs

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Start with the guy that was taking pictures and I didn’t even know it and ask him how he does it

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Like youre being held hostage in your own body… that’s what it feels like

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Nah that’s not how I feel though… Hollins maybe you are here and I can sleep not feeling like some enemy creed in my own body.

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Just trying to break free of this nightmare and finally KNOW I’m safe and not disrespected in my own flesh ever again. And who ever can’t understand that… fuck them. I’ll take death before disrespect and torture…

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And I would kill for that too… I just don’t know how to shoot or where

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You threatening my neck on my own body typing names you swear you got a stand to demand while I suffer?

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I’ll try to sleep… but like when they stronger than my own creed… I’ll die for and even question My God on that. Time flying tonight Lord!