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Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #1006
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Soldiers, that is what we are – who cares if they say we live our lives behind bars
    Something unattainable can be obtained, for our seeds to be maintained
    We give our lives too, and don’t judge a name of a man you never met
    And in your heart, you feel the beat, a reminder to never forget
    The double edged sword of master trickery – who can be him… You, me, or he?
    To those who have fallen we tip our bottles in homage, a last piece of bread,
    For an offering, a reminder on their grave stones instead.
    We recognize eyes to distinguish our alibis
    And we will tell lies if it confuse them with the truth
    Tattooed and scarred - reminders of our troubled youth
    We whisper in the whims of the night to each other
    And no matter what - we stand brother to brother
    We mastermind in dreams and send a glitter through the eye
    While those un-afflicted sit back and judge us on why
    Chained to a destiny with no way out but death
    Loyalty sealed with confirmation of last breath
    Adrenaline that runs so deep, sometimes for 24 hours
    With appetites for destruction that slowly devours
    In us, we never cower… true to thy selves we behold the ultimate power
    The Vikings, they call it Valhalla, at the table where the Judaists break challah
    It is a place where we are freed from persecution of who we are to be
    Rewarded, cause in ourselves we stayed true… the ultimate test of loyalty.
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    CLA919

  2. #1007
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    By the time I realized I had no clue how I knew all the words to dirty nursery rhymes…

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    They’re so selfish, like life is all about them… Dear M,

    Even though I know this letter will never reach you
    I just wanted to let you know you’ve been on my mind…
    Not because of who you became and what I feel is due
    Just to let you know the comfort in the memories that I still find in you,
    Sitting here reminiscing of the days I wish I could rewind
    Like playing football in the rain, But…
    The echoes of laughter then, they now drive me insane
    It dangles like a noose suffocating my brain

    C

    I know, and I get it… cause I seen it all before
    Now that everyone can see the majesty that I saw so easily saw
    You couldn’t decipher truth from a whore
    The last time I saw you the elevation thru exhilaration as I witnessed your hesitation
    Then after the love that we made you said no more
    It stabbed me with a pain deeper than the 8 swords my tarot predicted
    And ever since then my world became kind of shifted…
    I want you to know that I don’t blame you,
    I know you were preparing me for a lie you knew we couldn’t get thru

    C … Do you hear me crying?

    I wasn’t too young to understand it when but then came the next loop to the bend
    The one to pick me up from the fall couldn’t face the order too tall
    And the one who was truly true became victim of how evil these streets can do
    As I witnessed the sentence served of 22
    What? Am I supposed to watch the unpredictable of now and how he gonna end up just like you
    Or just deal with the real of the reality set forth in realization of my own true? (it was always you)
    As we rise and we fall we have roads set forth to beat
    As I sit here fingering the outline of my scars again humbling myself to the defeat
    And as my own story unfolds, I wish I stuck up for us then just to warn you
    But all I could do was cry and spit lies just to scorn you
    I know now you did what was best for me, but the test couldn’t invest in the rest I’d see

    __________________________

    And on a personal…

    I never made love ever again,
    It was more like we was in Cesar’s war and I became that opposite whore just trapping a friend
    I’m scared now that my ice has melted and I’m not sure where this leaves me,
    Just figured out I’d reach out to the one that always felt it and was 3 steps before what I could see
    And… I pray this letter reaches you in time, it feels like years left of my own sentence
    Yet they never told me my own crime as they whisper all in due time
    I didn’t come here to remind you of the pain that you caused when you left me too
    More like I finally remember what I blacked out and how now even though it’s harder than ever…
    I’m always admiring and praying for you – What’s love got to do with it?
    But you still can’t see what we all do so plainly – put down your guns and just realize who’s true
    And maybe then you’ll see what real love in form of agape can do.

    I hope I can help snap you back too…. I’ll always love you.

    Sincerely… Me, C

    And then I realized it was me…

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    That was to you Marky… and then name I’ll explain how I remembered my brother getting arrested fighting someone with that name

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    Waking up to a nightmare that is beyond what is impossible being possible… like walking dead

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    GSK I got a deal for you… give me my long term diss you offered that I said no but truly it’s the last I been able to hold a job… I didn’t know how sick I’d get. And we make them tell you how!

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    Like seriously… why I have to hear this asshole asking for forgiveness like he me in my body though?!?!!?)? It’s not my religion someone PLEASE get the prick off me!!!!

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    I guess I’ll go get ready for bed… I’m glad I know, I’m glad the information fell into my lap before I walked blinded until I got the strength to go get facts myself. And like we weren’t together. He has a girl. He’s a definite link. I’m pretty sure a soulmate like the psychic said. But def not mine either. I can’t forgive that. I’d be the stupidest bitch ever and if he turn it around and try to make it look like my fault I won’t even be his friend. But honestly I can’t be his friend right now cause the sex was that good. Nah I’m not going out like that cause I told him point blank it would hurt me and he did it!

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    Mines couldn’t do that to me…

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    If you got to hurt them before they hurt you I don’t want you on my field I see a coward in you. See everytime it knocks me down…. I don’t remember the entire thing I wrote but at the end… and time keep ticking like a hydrogen bomb. It went off… I’m too old for kids now!

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    To still be able to have kids after they allegedly tried to blow my vv off and missed? That’s one I take to god personally for real….

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    I’m a try to go to bed…
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  3. #1008
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    So he block me….



    This made me laugh though… how the fuck they do you wrong and then try to turn it around on you thoiugh? That sex better not make me weak cause fuck all that!!! But I am kinda asking God how he can do that to me and put me thru this uncomfortable feeling again.

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    I only was about a cry twice though… but today I’m good. Just smoking weed chilling from home…. And he has a busy schedule so I know he not thinking of me no how but me cause I’m bored I’m thinking about it

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    That’s why you make sure when you got a man you keep a life besides him too… I didn’t give him all my slices of pizza - just I been thru a lot and cause I have so little my slices are huge… you know?

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    I’m feeling this… and it’s not fair cause I’m not the one that did something wrong…
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  4. #1009
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Candy hey Candy… are you a dad?
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  5. #1010
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    i got a cat named onyx looking pretty avatar
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  6. #1011
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Candy thank you! My nephew just graduated boot camp for the marines so I been down south. I’m a write something special later though…
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  7. #1012
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    My avatar… still trying to figure out how my belly button got fucked up like that! Like yo I really don’t know if I had babies or not?!???? That’s so crazy…
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  8. #1013
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Ignore negative thoughts and evil and fight… I remember biggie saying “don’t feed into it… never feed into it” but for some reason I was mad at him and his vibe and his side but like I feel? I can’t do it without either of them… before texts was even with it as texts like when they FIRST came out… I woke up and text “instincts of a spider done crept up inside her to my ex” … and like

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    I don’t really know how I feel about it but trying to balance it all out…

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    I was texting land lines, email addresses, lol… I LOVE text and usually prefer it to conversation unless I’m eye to eye or a convo just quicker

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    I didn’t realize I was talking to someone let alone someone really dissing and downing and judging me…

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    My religion say the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit though… not you, you, and you… especially when you know or work less than me

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    Called beach cove $600 a night but they were gonna give me a $200 discount at $400 still could t aford it so we stayed in little river

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    I’m sad inside right now and can’t figure out why

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    She remembered K having the bf and not me

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    The I knows at the end I shake my head yes or no to like I’m in some boxing ring or something… and I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make.

    I still didn’t get in my birth certificate…

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    I’m contemplating this way of life now… but not if it doesn’t respect my personal boundaries and religions…

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    I’m a go air out to the song routines again… I guess I found a warm up song

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    https://music.apple.com/us/album/rou...9?i=1433417076
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  9. #1014
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by A Disciple View Post
    @Candy thank you! My nephew just graduated boot camp for the marines so I been down south. I’m a write something special later though…
    respect
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  10. #1015
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    https://music.apple.com/us/album/run...3?i=1440742918

    The 2nd song he played for me…

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    I don’t think I’ve been back in the sea though… except them 5 minutes I got dropped

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    I’m going R & J way especually over that and like…

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    My fun peace and comfort over there… so by any means if someone wanna join me let me know… and respect my no

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    And because I refuse their satisfaction cause I fell into their “plan” again. no! Done! Leave now!

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    I don’t want anything to do with them or especually feel like them

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    And when I was with R at the club in the city I felt someone’s touch

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    Like being a pet with an abusive owner… that’s how it feels and idek who or how
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  11. #1016
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    On pyre level? They switch it to white and it feels uncomfortable…

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    So I should say pyre under ALMOST everything cause I refuse to sit here and let these bitches fuck me up and stalk me any time they feel like

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    Pyre over almost everything cause not if that and I have to change the way I look, dress, or feel to suit them and not me*

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    Or have to continue to feel like or hear them witches… GO AWAY!!!! Someone even spelled over my my movie web… and like

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    Why you delete that though?
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  12. #1017
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like… why would God do me like that for real? And that bitch being outside the courthouse too? I refuse to live a nightmare because you all refuse to stop and let go
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  13. #1018
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    The strength card keep pulling up tonight… my first scar and reminder to stay strong

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    Then why am I aging and who bit who?

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    Of course you come first but I have another one…

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    We can just eventually one day delete this entire thread… I got to keep reminding myself the facts…

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    I have such a sore throat it’s unreal right now…

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    About to get coffee
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  14. #1019
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    The song? I woke up and threw it about everywhere… I didn’t know who or what or why I missed.

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    When I have too much to say…

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    Like can anybody literally explain this to me? Or at least walk me thru it?
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  15. #1020
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    It feels like a female is trying to dominate me and make me submit and like that isn’t even my culture type wtf

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    I’m polite… but don’t confuse me for punk

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    Cause it’s not any of there business where I think this out between that situation. They lost the rights to even be invoked

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    Involved*

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    I’m truly embarrassed of my old friends and how they treated me behind my back…

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    I’m going to try to sleep…
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