A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

More then a bit and lol right now… just chilling with angels to get thru the night too… prayers all around for real

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Trying to find the one that said when I was scared my car was gonna blow up he’s Italian and sat with me and said turn the key anyway

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It was fine… I pulled the key out the ignition and it was hot then when I went to turn it it studdered and I took OFFFF

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It broke 3x that week… HELLLLLL I MEAN HELL IT WAS HELL… why would anyone do that to me? For real for real though…

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Yeah… he say he want me to write but I don’t think he really want me to either

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No true story… I brought it in to ford and told them it bucked at 120mph and he told me to get out

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Tired of being crazy and sick like this on top of it too

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Them? I was saying before I wish he had 50 cause he’s funny but effective at proving a point and maybe they just finally leave me alone

[A Disciple]

I’m not trying to live like a weirdo though… I was gonna explain it but forgot what I was gonna say

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Like… I want to live my best and he got the stigmata for abuse but nah I don’t need to get you back, my soul not weighing on it, and I thought I had to first of all… so like… leave cause that’s a nightmare for all of us

[A Disciple]

He just said or accused me of being some sort of trick… but the trick trick got the passcode and only he knew it as well as direct shots etc… and I just have to say that so I don’t go back

[Soule]

I'd smash.

[A Disciple]

My bf shed a tear…



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Drama drama… can’t wait to vent on this one!!!!

[A Disciple]

Me? Pac always got my part too… my high school bestie with stage 4 cancer had a biggie sticker on her car… I told her I’d be pac. We need to have fun again… her w cancer and me losing my mind even quicker than expected with the atrophy

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I’m a buy her walkie talkies for her bday… we used to steal her nephews when he was a baby and they went car to car… one day I’m like “I’m in hot pursuit ct plate alpha Lima dog 4225” and the van pulled over and was looking around scared as fuck and we felll out

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We had lots of good times… crashing the Fourth of July party to get better view of the fireworks or the time we was at the pay phone begging for gas money and she used the pay phone and hung up and mad quarters came spilling at

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Spilling out*

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I don’t how to write a book because I don’t read a lot at all… I’m a name it “remember me” for her nick name and legacy and me and how I look at pics going back to good times remembering how strong I was too…

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I’m not gonna get caught up in the evil shit and if you saw what evil paid then let them tell much how the right thing to do pay triple that… this bitch stole my identity and was using my social… she must think I’m some punk that sits here and just take it. P O L I C E … I’m trying to stand back up again and started to get my credit right so I can get a salon and beat my ass if you want too I’m not paying $5k for you

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Grimy sleezy bitch!!!

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If she was fucking my man too… smh

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You should’ve seen the disrespectful shit she did and said

[A Disciple]

Back Stabbed (draft)

Still coming to terms with what makes sense
The rub to the belly minus the calm down
I saw Mookie jumping to me a second and im cool under pressure but that memory was kinda intense
Then or now
I remembered this this or that… only I’m like how (in my DMX voice)
They left me with no choice
Bad vibes not sitting right but I’m not chasing alone or trying to school
But I’m also not trying to rule or be played a fool
SORRY… yeah I say it a lot
I’m not trying to be a bitch
Just don’t have time for a day in the life of a thot
“But I’m still not acting like I will… when I know not that I’m not”
Ed just said what he thinks keeps killing me dead
Looking too far back… try more forward instead
But nah I disagree
That’s twice now I’m reminded that I’m no longer free or me
Just rip the band aid off
My witch dr has a suture
Ill be aight I know how to fight
You not failing my future
Caught off guard
But I don’t remember giving myself to any of them
Like they some type of God
Yo it’s really hard
He hate that I stand like a man but I want to respect my man and I do understand the woman he is trying to grow
Give or take a so…
But I’m still moving extra slow
I just fell out crying
Told my mom I’m choosing writing cause he don’t give a fuck what it do to me when we fighting


Disclaimer:
The panty pics… I was sick and just was sick of them calling me fat and showing them I rather be me and look like me then skinny fat

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So they posted a pic of BARNEY and said imagine having sex with visions of Barney in your head and I’m just like bitch…..

[A Disciple]

Thank you… I’ve been in therapy since 5th grade! When I was 13 I actually had a therapist teach us to listen to songs and we’d all talk about how we relate. Then at my alt school we did the same thing. So yes… rapbattles has been AMAZING to the mental health support MAJOR

[A Disciple]

Had an amazing trip with my man… I prayed to get my money up and addiction down… (gavel slam) … check check

[A Disciple]

I believe I have an attachment issue… and that call out to Earl made me smile, however, what he said to me last text like… came at me like a trick and it hurt but it hurts more that I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. He did grab a piece of my heart too just that I know where I’m trying to go… fuck it I’m done talking. Nobody understands my position or how I was being bullied and like

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Silent screams… my ear was buzzing earlier and like… sometimes it feels like you’re waking up and coming out of a coma…

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It feel like everybody hate you

[A Disciple]

I Lost

Stressed
Depressed
And what ever else the curse manifests
Good then played
Ain’t played then blessed
And all the rest
And what ever else he refuse to confess
Yo fuck him for real
I’m fine
All I got to do is sit back and press rewind
just over and over again in my mind
No love lost, never was, fuck it I never find
Fuck you I want to be happy
(Gavel slams)
All we are is one big lie anyways
It meant something to me
Strategy… is that why you say I’m playing games
The only games being played is by the one accusing the blame
Yo God… he’s not here yet!!!!!
Yeah baby.:: the literal fuel to my cocaine
I’m not quitting to be treated like I’m married to Sadam Hussein
The double sided standard flip shit
I’m not down with that submissive thing one bit
Another off of Andrew Jackson pls
Until this shit starts to makes sense
cause I seem to remember more facts then not
“And I’m trying to make a dollar off of 50 cents”
That’s the best who got shot
But Go’oood
And yo I’m bent…
I got some requests for all the shit I never got or sent
And believe me God cause im starting to care a lot
Half the shit I got figured out
And baby…
It’s circumstances like ours that make a thot
We owe them a lot
Admit it or not and like…
You played me and put me second
You still have a gf and you switched up from treating me like royalty to peasant
If it ever sent… if the truth was ever even bent
Man I was innocent
Yo… he’s being an insensitive prick
And he don’t even care when I feel mentally sick
And he really just called me some type of lick
So like… cool… I lost
But when it come to fucked up hands?
Don’t minimize the cost

[Spree]

@Zunto

[A Disciple]

Love Myself

You started a fight to leave last night
Turned your location off 3 seconds later
You did this 2 Fridays before and 1 after
But I’m not trying to fight or drown in the laughter of it serves you right
I just don’t want to fight…
Not you… me!
Cause I can’t walk where I don’t see
And abusing my already broken heart isn’t free
I’m cold as ice… I haven’t cried one tear
And don’t have left not one fear
(Again)
Still I’m wishing you were still here
But I have to be strong but won’t wait a year
That’s how long I waited for my bd to come back
You wanna talk about a good girl vs bad
Well that’s something you never had
Even so you said I taught you the art of tact
But you manipulated me and now me is something you’ll never get back
A season… thank you for picking me up and putting me back on my feet
I know you take the credit for that despite the demons that weren’t even mine I had to defeat
I do love myself and you right sometimes I can love other people more
Like some sick self sacrifice
But just cause I told you I want to date again too you call me some type of whore
Ignoring all prior advice
It’s been more then twice and it’s a pattern now
To love anyone again I wonder how
And maybe cause you have too many to choose from
But I’m not dumb…
I’m trying to find mine
The one who won’t put me on the front line
The one who wouldn’t put another woman over me
Even if it is just pussy
I got to go… I have to go figure out how to love me more
And I want to throw up right now cause I have to remember how to close that door
No more…
I just have to re learn how to love me more
I can’t believe you called me a whore

[A Disciple]

At this moment



Everything was on the table when we first met
Now it’s like you trying to forget where we came from
You say mean things when we fight
And you don’t care to look at what I write
And you trade me in easy and quick
And then you act like some type of prick
And I’m not trying to be that type of bitch…
Now you complain cause I wear make up
Or too old for a nose ring or dress for attention or too loud
When all I wanted to do was look my best and make you proud

Why is it ok for you to care how you look
And when I had that epiphany it made me shook
I know for fact you’re not a weak man
And if you was me now and how I have to take a stand
I don’t want to be weak but when we fight you don’t even let me speak
We break up for 1-5 days almost every other week
And I’m so exhausted sometimes I can’t even speak
You see and hear the whisper I’m so exhausted and weak

And I know you weren’t the one to do it but if you loved me you couldn’t
Been around that block before and know that I wouldn’t… not just shouldn’t
I’m tired of feeling like my life on the line but I’m even more tired of fake
Just hoping that I can give you more then I take
Nah how about I do what you do
Just deep down inside you know it too

(Id NEVER hurt you)

But I want you happy
I wanted to be the one to do that
But seems like lately I always bring out the archie in you
And I don’t wanna spar or debate what Edith would do
But if I’m not allowed to be the real me i can’t
I’m not so sure I like the me you trying to change me to be
But I love you… so I know I wouldn’t be able to do that to you
So if you really loved me you wouldn’t be able to too

Get it?

[A Disciple]

Just read this one again… am I the only one that goes back and reads your own stuff all the time? Is that weird of me?