Emotions In A Twist

[ILLunatic]

"Emotions In A Twist"


I'm so confused, what do i do?
Been together 8 months, and i'm in love with you
The times we've shared, it's been a passion
A life without you, i could not imagine
But suddenly, i feel we're losing eachother
Then i ask myself "could she be seeing another"
I start thinking thoughts, they break me down inside
My emotions begin to twist, and i put my life aside
I don't think about anything else, your the only thought in mind
I love you, i can feel it deep down in the heart of mine!
.................................................. ...................................
After a few days of no conversation, you begin to worry
I answer, hear your voice and cry.. and you want to kno the story
But i just can't explain it, i can't put my feelings to words
All i can say is... I love you... and it really really hurts
you ask "why? whats wrong.. are you ok" i dont kno what to say
I respond with, i love you.. and i think about all day of every day
You say your confused, but really.. i dont blame you
Its just me... and a faze that i'm going to have to faze through
.................................................. ..................................
My conscience starts to recover, and things start to get better
As I think, she's the one... we're going to be together for ever
Then my conscience comes back to play, and my emotions twist
And you wouldn't believe how many times i thought to slit my wrist
But then i'd think, whats death gonna do about my situation.. its no cure
Then we start talking more & more.. and i'm fine.. this time for sure
I start to feel the best i have in months... it feels great
As if i never had a problem, and i have a clear slate
Emotions are now clear for their twist, and i feel fine
And we're still together.. and our relationship still shines
.................................................. .......................................

[ILLunatic]

MadMan - Dedicated to Danielle
Kapone. - Kapone v.s OutWrite
fgee - sit down and write

[>Inertia>]

This piece is fucking ill. I love it. I like it especially because this type of thing happens to even the best of us, when you doubt yourself.

Great, deep imagery and concept. Some of your lines were a tiny bit stretched, but that's not a big complaint. The flow was mostly on point.

2 thumbs up.

[TheUnderRated]

Reak nice peice maybe throw in a lil deeper vocab and work a bit on that flow hella good emotion and imagery though..pz

[ILLunatic]

Reak nice peice maybe throw in a lil deeper vocab and work a bit on that flow hella good emotion and imagery though..pz

I was going for the emotion.. not to much flow nor vocab..
Thanks for feedback tho

[Richard Parker]

sorry, but this was nothing special. because ive seen way to many pieces with these same emotions. flow and vocab are vital. absolutely necessary.

[f-gee]

alright piece about your girl
liked the first verse the best
lacked originality though
little here that ive not seen in a thousand verses tbh
this kind of subject is something everyone will or has writeen on
therefore needs a unique approach to make it seem fresh and unique to the author
buyt its cool..
keep doing your stuff
peace reply on mine could you?getting slept on

fin

[ILLunatic]

Thanks for the feedback.
I have ideas goin through my head now.
So i will have another open mic up soon.

[GołÐзŋ¤G¥ął]

yeh its sweet u can feel wht ur trying to say u could use bigger vocab but it was a very good try

bravo