A Love Story

[Neruda II]

............................

[Foreshadow]

Damn. Damn. Damn. Now This Was Dope Sharp. You Keep Getting Better. Sorry This Isnt Getting The Recognition It Deserves Because Of The Inactivity Of P.S. You Came Nice On All Levels. Emotion, Creativity. Personally I Think This Should Be In Legends.

[Neruda II]

Thanks, I'm always looking to elevate. I don't think any of my work should be in legendary, for personal reasons.

[Perpetual]

i didnt really like the rhyme schme tho
besides that
it was all dope, with good emotion
it was simple, but u wrote it well
good structure with the syllables
and the statistic rhyme at the end
was a good way to end it
nice writing
keep it up

[shawty"B"]

this is a great peice right here.... emotion and imagery were perfect. rhyme scheme was good, and it was all worded so well. i love youre poems, they have a great amount of talent in every peice that you write, and its always so enjoyable to read what you write.

.......fav part........

No one would ever again see poor rosie or hear ryan speak
For ryan would just sleep, thinking of rosie in his dreams
And when he woke up he would stare at the picture of her
Then he smiled at the thought of how much he loved her


keep droppin

....bless

[Mesmerize]

I thought this was dope as hell sharp. You had some great imagery and emotion in this. Hell I was about to cry when I was reading it, lol. Very well done. I liked the ending to it also, it had a good message to it. I agree with shadow, you are improving by each piece you write. I actually liked the rhyme echeme to this. For it to be told in a story poem I think it was better to keep it at the AABB scheme. It flowed well and you kept my attention with the imagery and emotion like I said. Dope drop sharp. Keep it up.

[Twizted Ayngel]

I seriously had chills sent up and down my body with the last line of this piece. This was beautifully written with great imagery - I could see it all happening in my mind as you wrote it. I felt his happiness, his fear, his pain. You wrote it so that it was all visible (how he felt, and how the two felt together) without forcing it to be seen and understood. The topic was amazing. I haven't seen anything done like this. I especially liked your ending. It was like you used these beautifully positioned lines and words to make everyone feel the man's hurt... and then the last line sort of made it all hit home more. More of a reality, then just something we were reading. I think the flow was perfect, the vocabulary was good, and the emotion and depth were amazing. I loved this piece. Every single thing about it.

[Neruda II]

Thank you so much for everyone that replied.

It means alot to me when I see that people like my work. Even though poetry is thought to be just for the person who's writing it, for me it really makes me happy to see other people enjoy the piece.

[DthsMissingAngel]

I seriously started to cry when I read this. It was truely deep and I pictured every single event that was written. It hit me hard in the heart because it made me think of my b/f. We're plannin to get married, so it hit even harder. This was so amazin. I kno how much ppl sleep, and this is getting pretty good elevation, but it deserves a lot more. The flow was great n I just loved it. Keep up.

[Laureate]

Hey Sharp...long time no see lol...

this was nice as hell man....no kidding...best piece I've read in a looong while....the emotion was superb....I really felt this and felt my stomach drop with sadness...imagry was nice and rhyme scheme was perfect...well done man

peep sumthin in my sig pleas... thanks

[Neruda II]

Damn, thanks again.

It makes me feel unbelievably good when I see that other people enjoy my poems. I wrote this poem at 5 am. I woke up from a real bad dream and I felt the emotion from my dream so deep that I couldn't go back to sleep. I decided to write this poem because of the pure terror and emotion that my nightmare had me in. I wish everyone could feel pure emotion more often, I think it brings out the best in a writer.

[ILLusions]

You know, I just read your one piece and I was thinking....

"Damn Sharp does some nice work"

And then I read this and..... ......nice shit man!

I thought the whole concept was ill, it made a great poem. Your structure was solid and the vocab was in it.

"He remained at that parking lot for fourteen hours straight
Alone, he only empowered his thoughts to shower blame
If he only stopped smoking, if he only hurried a bit more
The only's began tearing until his heart was a ripped core"

^^^^
That was real....definetly dope!