Heaven's Bliss

[Sublime D]

did we ever talkon aim?....aren't you the girl form south carolina...

[Twizted Ayngel]

I'm from New Jersey - actually. And I'm not sure if we talked on AIM or not. I dont know.

[Twizted Ayngel]

uuup... so maybe i'll get a lil more feed.

[TheUnderRated]

Very good emotion that is the one thing that really came out of the computer screen and kicked me in the nuts on this one... kept me loving it. Your vocab was nice for what it was but i feel you could elevate a bit more to create an even more intricate piece.. Overall definitaly nice you should elevate well in IJL maybe one day you'll be topic ill =)
7/10 ..Pz

[Twizted Ayngel]

I garuntee one day I will be in Topic Ill, and I garuntee I will beat you. =P Thanks for the feed though.

[Chemarim]

this was very good,

.…My gorgeous wife I sit here at your bedside, on probably your final night,
You’ve grown weaker before my eyes, I can tell you no longer want to fight,
Its okay if you give in, I promise I wont be mad at you, even if you’re leaving,
But it hurts to see your health deteriorate, I’m sitting here disbelieving,
I’ll just hold you in my arms tonight, I said I’d be by your side until the end,
I just want you to know I love you, you’re my everything – my best friend….

flip that to a female telling that to a male, i got the perspective... ive seen it recently an it hurts so this jus brought back some cold memories, i liked how you based it on two sides and you were very creatie with this.

till death do us all apart.

good peice.

[Twizted Ayngel]

thanks.. greatly appreciated.

[Bloom.Quist]

Sorry i did not reply to this twizted. Im a poetic lazy bastard.

A extremely emotionally spoken piece. I liked the way you worked your words with this. A very dependable story of different emotions and feelings. No doubt i give you MAJOR props.

For constructive critisism...hm...nothing really, just make the font bigger next time

[Twizted Ayngel]

thanks for all the feedback, its greatly appreciated

[RapidFire]

Yea...your writing has improved alot...it's always been pretty good but you finally used your talent on a really original concept...I'm not the type of person to get all mushy and shit over something that I take 5 mins to read, but I honestly nearly cried in the process of reading this...(notice I said NEARLY lol)

the font size did make it kinda hard to read but I got used to it...spacing between the diffrent writing effects (plain, bold, itallicized) would have made it a little easier to read...but it's all good..

notice my only criticism is on the structure..the actual poem itself was very good...the story was told nicely. You basically described 2 people's entire lives (and deaths) in 40 lines, without anything feeling rushed...very good...I'll even go as far as saying it's the best online poem I've read...ever

good job

peace

[Twizted Ayngel]

thanks babe.. i appreciate it.

[K-D]

damn...i really like this piece, i didn't see one problem with the whole thing...
the vocabulary, imagination, creativity was all there, this was a very good drop...not much else needed to say...everybody else sed pretty much everthing...
-duece-

[Prince Escobar]

This piece was really a delight to read, i dont know why but the word delicate comes to mind trying to describe this poem it is very soft and i imagine it being read in a soft voice slowly, letting every word wash over you. The word selection was sublime and the story pulled at the heartstrings, the imagery was really very good and surprisingly insightful. Also the emotion in this piece gave it a lot of its strength, the relationship these two people shared was deep and you really conveyed that well. The last thing i liked was rather then leave their past together unopened and leaving it to the reader's imagination you gave us their wedding day which really rounded out the poem well and gave you a small sense of what these people were like all those years ago. For critisicm (hey it makes you better) i felt like the flow was a little too stretched i didnt really feel the full impact of a few lines because the syllable count was a little long and also, though it would have been difficult to pull off i would have liked to see the man speak in the end but that is just my POV, from your POV the story was very good and i dont really have any major complaints, keep up the good work Poetic Scriptures is more fun when we have insightful poets like you consistently dropping 1luv.

[shawty"B"]

whats up Twizted? i love this peice. it had wonderful emotion, it was as though you were talking to someone who was with the man and wife through out the whole thing. your words portrayed the story so well. the flow of this was great, kept the read as easy to follow as possible, and it kept my attention, making me want to keep reading.

.......favorite part.......

.…My heart is racing, we’re so close I can smell this woman I’m facing,
I look into her eyes, I’m glad I’m here, and there will never be replacing,
These feelings running through my veins, it’s insane, I’m glad we’re here,
I’m making this woman my wife today, I pledge my life to you dear….
…All the things we’ve been through, and we’ve made it to walking down the aisle,
This man has helped me through everything, he’s made my life worthwhile,
I promise to be honest, I’ll cherish him, we’ll be together until death do us part,
I promise to love, hold, and honor him, he’ll forever be the only one in my heart…


^^^AmazinG^^^

keep dropping
return the favor

....bless

[Twizted Ayngel]

thanks i appreciate that <3