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Thread: *Each Time*

  1. #1
    Spaghetti Quarter's Avatar
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    *Each Time*

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242366
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241754
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Started out as a youngen with my eyes glued to the shop
    But I learned better than that, and before it began it stopped
    Then it hit me. the only way to live was in a life of crime
    Or we'd be on food stamps, picking up cans for a dime
    Grew older, learned the tricks of the trade as a dope man
    Ain't great being a criminal, but at least there are no cans
    Quick cash, why doesn't everyone sell leaves?
    Doin that, can suport youself and your family needs
    My criminal intuition escalated, to a liking for cars
    But one night, It landed me a front row seat behind bars
    Got my numbers, and all the guards knew my name
    Put away for grand theft auto, previous to the game
    Did my time and years later I was finally was released
    Times changed, childeren grew, and Ma was sick with a disease
    I'd been clean for now, and Mama still lay sick in the bed
    January 27, 1998'...R.I.P Ma and my eyes had turned red
    Smoke come out of my mouth, and I feel heavy at the feet
    Got a rough life, but each time i still turn back to the street

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  2. #2
    Spaghetti Quarter's Avatar
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    uppin for feedback.......

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  3. #3
    Newbie Sion's Avatar
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    hmm ... very basic rhyme scheme. like ya structure and it flowed real nice, but the lack of metas and multis showed little skill. dope man/ no can .. cars/bars ... there really generic rhymes and need to be upped to really stomp me with open mics. open mics should be 1000X better than battles, because you have endless possibilities. good shit.
    .. Sion ..

    .. Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants ..


    <select style="background=black;color=gold;font-family:comic sans ms;font-size:12px">
    <center>
    <option selected>
    <center>-=Rap Battles Records=-</center>
    <option> .. Battles .. .. 1 ..</center>
    <option> .. Wins .. .. 1 ..</option>
    <option> .. By KO .. .. 1 ..</option>
    <option> .. Losses .. .. 0 ..</option>
    <option> .. By KO .. .. 0 ..</option>
    <option> .. No Shows .. .. 0 ..</option>

    </select>

  4. #4
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    ^1000X better huh?

    Dope avy Quarter, Bob Ross' the man.

    For the piece, the action went to quickly for me, the way the story progressed. Just bringing in the gta, and mother's sickness, I felt there needed to be better transition. Not that they shouldn't be in the piece, just maybe more time devoted to developing those ideas.

  5. #5
    Spaghetti Quarter's Avatar
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    yea i was gonna make it go longer but i had some shit to do so i just finished it quick still uppin..

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  6. #6
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Basic rhyme scheme indeed. And, the topic is very played.. Nothing else to say because it was so short. Sorry, I mean, you did a good job executing the topic but this topic has been used so many times, how CAN'T you do it right? Ya know? So, just take my advice and be more creative next time. Thanks... Uh, I'd say good job. Don't take offense either, you know I'm only trying to help.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=3461169

    ^ hit it.

  7. #7
    Spaghetti Quarter's Avatar
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    no offense taken..lol

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