The Black Box.

[Artist.]

The Black Box


Awake yet unable to open my hollow, heavy eyes
Blinded by a sunrise in this midst of cloudy skies
Carefully touch around the grimy, unstable ground
I seek yet nothing is found but a mere alien sound
I seem to detect from inside this cold, moist cave
Unaware whether to behave as a master or a slave
Though I believe we've got to obey our Earth's laws
Because we're only humans, with our foolish flaws
Rolling, rumbling thunder in depth of the mountain
Suddenly spitting crimson clusters: A fiery fountain
Arise from my position, in back of mind a mission
To try and define the birth of a bass as a musician
Parting with my current abode for a perfidious road
Mountain proceeds to explode, a dim dark showed
High threes casting shadows on own mortal being
Rapidly move along that you would think I’m fleeing
All scenarios start racing deep in this mind of mine
Suddenly shivers down my spine as I view a shrine
A gloomy room filled with scent of flowers in bloom
Yet the walls are painted pitch-black: A sign of doom
I go further and there!… On the table lays a present
But something tells me it might not be as pleasant
I study the little package: it says “the secret of life”
May this be dagger of a knife or an end to all strife?
Should I take this unique chance with both hands?
And reveal God’s plans and maybe even demands
My mind is torn apart though I obey the gift’s locks
Who knows what shocks come with the black box?
I was tempted to open as if it was fruit so forbidden
Though I know it was right to keep mystery hidden

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post3939848

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270787

[AK47]

good visuals and rhymes but you kinda rambled on. you should write shorter pieces and put in stronger vocab and lines. i'm not sayin its whack i'm just sayin you could improve on small things. it just seemed to be long and somewhat boring after a while.

[Ex.Orb]

it was ight. i wasn't feeling it that much though. keep riting u'll elevate one day.

[Artist.]

Ur Anal.

[Sincerly]

Cool little piece right here.

Think u got an original style n thats important to me.
Language, flow n rhymes where cool, tho not outstanding.
Topic is solved good.

Liked this part best:

All scenarios start racing deep in this mind of mine
Suddenly shivers down my spine as I view a shrine
A gloomy room filled with scent of flowers in bloom
Yet the walls are painted pitch-black: A sign of doom

Ill shit^^

[Artist.]

Up Niggyz.

[EyeCandy]

hmmm kinda good imagery stil seein as u pretty new 2 tha site (if ya don't got alias that is) but the wording cudda been slightly beeter in some places.. vocab was aiite 2 cuuda been improved on.. but this piece is alot better 2 what i have read on here recently.. next time keep it at right length but keep it strong.. feel me..1

[EyeCandy]

oh & if ya don't mind leave some feed in any of tha o.ms in my sig they gettin
slept on!