up.
up.
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upp...
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did i say up..no i said...^
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
right this was quite an interesting piece. gem's part was a nice read, very smooth and fluid, with a really nice sentiment. the only problem i had with it was that, as someone else mentioned, it was a little simple in what it was saying. i know the point of the piece as a whole was to contrast and draw up an image of happiness against disappointment, but i felt this section could have had more depth to it. pak's section was a more interesting read as you had to engage a little harder. this was mostly due to his language which occasionally seemed excessive, but did engage the reader. ultimately his section was also a little too straighforward in sentiment. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the read, and it was well executed. i would just have like to have seen a little bit of some shades of gray within each verse, rather than the black vs white the two present together (god i sound like my old english teacher there). this would have made it a bit more interesting for me, and given it a little lasting appeal, as the reader would have something more to think about IMO. still, cool read, nice job.
please drop some feed on my piece 'another pursuit'. it's not about car chases!
preciate the comments, i'll drop some feed write as i get the minute.
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
werd, thanks for the feed.
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