Commitment of True Love

[Jon]

I think I can...

I stand, with nothing in my
way but other men. They are
doing the same, trying to be
better, stronger, and stay
around a little longer. On this
field of love, I play my position
not letting anything get to my
head. And yet I try to be the
best that I can. I know I can
be a poet who knows that
one can succeed with practice.
So thats why I'm here, running
to my love, never taking any
unnecessary breaks. Because
see, I know if I try hard, I know
my way will come to me. As I
continue to lose my breath,
and my heart breaks along
with a few other things.
Sweat, tears, emotions run
down my face into my eyes
so I can see my future unfolding
infront of me. My soul reminds
me of past times when I layed
off everything but play. So I must
work, work until I know I'll be the
one, standing there beside her.
Holding her up in the air, with
not a name, but a team full of
people like me.. who tried their best,
never gave up. People like me who
succeeded, and now are holding
the trophey as high up in the air
as possible, to let everyone around
us feel our emotions, what it took
to get here. Letting everyone know
that we are number one, winning is
the only thing that we CAN do. But
now, part of our family parts away
to go to colleges. Part of our team,
that were, and always will be family,
get their call to fame, and leave..

We are part of Henry County.

[Jon]

feed please?

[Jon]

OMG feed please

[D. Josey]

Ohkay.

Kind of random at the end, but good throughout. I found some grammatical errors in the stanzas, but it all flowed nicely, and I really didn't get how the title related to the piece, even though it was kind of an underdog sob story throughout it. It's all good.

Nice.

[A.O.D]

I agree with Exact, about the ending part. It was a random ending. This reminds me of something you would hear at one of those poetry bars. A spoken word type of thing, because the whole thing held some sort of randomness to it. You should attempt this in a spoken word. I think it would do good there.