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Thread: Summer Of 76'

  1. #1
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Manhattan, NY
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    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13

    Summer Of 76'

    This is a collaboration between Ghost Element and Elemental Soul.

    Ghost Element:
    During the sizzling sun of a hot summer day,
    we carelessly ripped, roared down the windy dirt road.
    In my apple-hued Ford ragtop,
    gripping the steering wheel tightly, as the wind flowed.
    Previously, we had frolicked away from our farm duties,
    only to act like heathens as we soared up
    and down the sandy route.
    It had been a very drawn out, weary July’s day,
    hence the long-filled winter drought.
    As I conducted my car through a narrow-sided turn,
    I noticed something yonder as it glistened.
    It was cube shaped, possibly a cardboard box,
    my passenger saw it too, from her words I listened.
    “Faster! Faster!” she encouraged me,
    with the clutch to the floor, I shifted to fifth gear.
    We approached it at a rapid speed,
    with only two feet away, the box started to clearly appear.
    Two inches away, our adrenaline rushed as we flew so immensely,
    at the last second, I swerved not to collide.
    Fate struck that day as I reached for my rearview mirror,
    looking back at the box . . . A boy climbed out the side.

    Elemental Soul:

    "Led Zeppelin outsold the rolling stones? well, I'LL BE DAMNED!"
    said my older brother, clutched to the radio with a smile while his hand
    shoved me away, as I asked him to play with me, then amazingly
    his eyes descended upon mines as if he had sumthin to say to me
    "Look, kiddo, there's this game, you see, but dangerously
    it can risk your life, I used to play it almost every day of the week
    Basically, you use that cardboard box over there in the shed"
    His finger pointed across the porch & he stared as he said
    "You drag it a mile into the road, get inside it, don't let ya feet show
    & I would do it with you, but i'm not a child, i'm too old"
    So then I responded "But what's the point? A car would hit me"
    "No, stupid, once you hear it coming close, you jump out quickly"
    I used my braveness via, the shed to attempt this great idea
    & dragged the slightly heavy cardboard box across the rocks
    lost my thoughts in the heat, mentally smearing frost to my cheeks
    Now isolated, the sunlight sedated, empty pathway for my position
    Belittling the load of the riddles in my skull, in the middle of the road
    I sit blind, focus my mind, patiently viewing rays of light creeping
    through the ageless slices that showed the box had payed it's price
    Who knows, I might wait a month or a week, my body sunk, it's weak
    but I tried hard to stay awake inside of this junk that would seem to speak
    as I prepared to put the cardboard's creaks on mute & jump to my feet
    Then I felt the ground's slight rumbled shriek, my ears stumbled deep
    I heard it getting closer and closer, but then a flunk would beat
    me as I tried my best to move, but my inactive legs had come to sleep
    I panicked, & then it happened, I heard a loud bump & screech
    my right ear almost deaf, & as the sound slowly faded away
    I crawled out & my chest seemed to delay for a pray
    but something inside me seemed replenished, it's a memory's bliss
    I give thanks to my older brother for 1976
    I reminisce as a 37 year old father, with heavenly kids
    & my youngest son just asked "daddy, i'm bored, can't you play with me?"
    so i told him "heh, look, kiddo, there's this game you see..."
    But I shook my head quickly & said "umm, yeah uhh... it's called a PS3"

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Summer Of 76'

    dope shit.

  3. #3

    Re: Summer Of 76'

    ghost- pretty straight drop... i enjoyed it espescially these lines:
    As I conducted my car through a narrow-sided turn,
    I noticed something yonder as it glistened.
    It was cube shaped, possibly a cardboard box,
    my passenger saw it too, from her words I listened.
    your word choice and placement was nothing amazing and it didn't flow to well but Imagery got this for you... it is detailed throughout although you could have used less words to describe certain things but eh it's whatever man. Good drop.

    Elemental- fav lines:
    "Look, kiddo, there's this game, you see, but dangerously
    it can risk your life, I used to play it almost every day of the week
    Basically, you use that cardboard box over there in the shed"
    Idky but this just seemed so dope to me... but overall pretty fluent verse it came off the tounge easily enough.... IMAGERY both of you seemded to have pretty good imagery... just great imagery... your word choice was simple but got the job done... the same goes for placement... again simplistic yet dope.. good job guys
    stay up.
    Metaphorical Convicts

  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Summer Of 76'

    thankyou and upps!

  5. #5
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13

    Re: Summer Of 76'

    damn, this got slept on... sorry, ghost if i haven't been tryna get feed on this, but yeah i've been feeding pieces and leaving links for my open mic instead, heh u know how it is...

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