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Thread: Prisons of Ice

  1. #1
    .. really, now?
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    33
    Posts
    68

    Prisons of Ice

    Key'd this in the Topical Cypher, figured I'd drop it here.
    Note, it's a key, not too much time spent into thinking besides figuring out where to go with the topic. Feed is appreciated and returned.

    Topic: That's why I don't like it.

    I'm sick of the dry, frigid confines ..
    .. Raining pillows of white that continue to rise
    in resplendently blinding, glistening tides -
    Turning a humble abode into a prison of Ice.
    Stretching as far as the distant horizon;
    freezing innocent drops of dew into menacing spires;
    Children become empty and blind,
    wishing and crying for gifts to a guy who only exists in the mind.
    .. The season when my grandfather whithered inside.
    To the hospital, we became a fixture in time;
    Misery became a gift to the mind-
    a distraction from the machine's ticking and chimes,
    watching him wriggle and writhe -
    .. Then lay motionless, & his soul was sent..
    another star adrift in the sky.
    And the pillows of white continued to rise
    .. burying a heart missing its pride
    under resplendently blinding, glistening tides
    turning our bodies, and this home into prisons of Ice..

    .. And that's Why I Don't Like it when Winter arrives.

    Pz.

  2. #2
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Prisons of Ice

    lol almost like cam.. kinda.. a mini cam.

    nice for a cypher, don't know how else i could tell you.. its not much but it had the flow.. decent taste of content.. i liked it.. keep writing.. lol sorry for not a lot of feed, i'll feed more if you hit up my piece..
    Evolution of Evil.. just leave a link and i'll hit it,
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  3. #3

  4. #4
    Terminal Fantasy Morbid Dream's Avatar
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    1-2

    Re: Prisons of Ice

    This verse isnt that bad...I dont believe you rushed this at all in fact I think tyou put a fair bit of time into it. You have real good vocab and you obviously put focus on the flow and rhyme scheme...which were pretty good -the flow was very good- for someone like me who dosnt experience much snow that gave me a real good image. A good topic for basic practice. You got some tools for an advanced writer I think.
    Notarized Artistry


    1xOM HoF

  5. #5
    Terminal Fantasy Morbid Dream's Avatar
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    Re: Prisons of Ice

    my last post didnt work...neither did this one
    Last edited by Morbid Dream; January 1st, 2008 at 11:22 PM
    Notarized Artistry


    1xOM HoF

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