"Elimination, Round 1"...

[The Gwapfather]

Ayo!..

you talkin bout having “plenty swag”, but still every track is boring shit, believe me..
n since you have to lie to do it, we'll 'sacrifice ya music' by ignoring it completely..
its a bad start to act hard, cuz i'll slash, scar, any rap star hotter..
use scrap chards from my back yard to leave you in a glass jar, slaughtered!..
cuz your dying for erections instead of trying for perfection,
so you 'stick to riding for attention' like Nascar sponsors..
last bar?^ bonkers!.. n since ima masked, armed, monster..
death waits til I shred weight off ya flesh, n hold up your head wit out a neck brace..
if you “dont mind me given you a hand?!”...
cuz your neck'll be cut from where your heads raised.. the night before some of your best days..
n I dont just mean how your livin in the past...
you fall behind when you try n walk the walk wit this tall massive giant..
who's never hesitant to state, what you 'represent is fake' as “false advertisement”..
your nothing slobs, so when it comes to bombs? I'll activate more n pack the basement..
that'll blast to capitate your limbs and ya faces.. just to captivate your imaginations..







FEEDBACK LINKS:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...115/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...202/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...235/index.html

[Bongkers]

was feelin these lines the most .. although it was all pretty dope


you talkin bout having “plenty swag”, but still every track is boring shit, believe me..
n since you have to lie to do it, we'll 'sacrifice ya music' by ignoring it completely..

damn that punch hit so hard.. some sick shit right here

its a bad start to act hard, cuz i'll slash, scar, any rap star hotter..
use scrap chards from my back yard to leave you in a glass jar, slaughtered!..
cuz your dying for erections instead of trying for perfection,
so you 'stick to riding for attention' like Nascar sponsors..

nice few lines with some killer multies and then another nice punch good shit


your nothing slobs, so when it comes to bombs? I'll activate more n pack the basement..
that'll blast to capitate your limbs and ya faces.. just to captivate your imaginations..

sick flow n multies again

nice drop, you already know!

[143]

The first thing that comes off is that you have some pretty long lines. I know you use them to creatively show your skills but if you break them up, reading wise it would flow and sound better. Example

you talkin bout having “plenty swag”
but still every track is boring shit, believe me..
n since you have to lie to do it
we'll 'sacrifice ya music' by ignoring it completely..
its a bad start to act hard
cuz i'll slash, scar, any rap star hotter..
use scrap chards from my back yard
to leave you in a glass jar, slaughtered!..

From that structure it look like you doubled everything which is a creative aspect in OM
But you have a good grasp on multi and sim usage and keeping a drop moving. Paring down your length of your lines will make you a better OM stylist. Good Job.

[The Gwapfather]

preciate the feedback fellaz..

[The Dead]

Competent. Nothing but vicious man. Want to battle me? I'll show you some rhymes that'll make your head spin, like yours did mine. Ha!

[The Gwapfather]

lol @ The Dead, preciate ya checkin out the key homie, n yeah if you really wanna battle that's cool, been lookin to drop one on here.. just let me know..

[twiztid-lette]

im jus loven th expression n th mental image i got while readin it! bet ur awesome n a battle!