ok so im mailny feedin this becuz i dont like u...so lets see what u got here...
try to live my life in the shadow of my eyes
you'll soon realize it's hard when you get criticize
(ok good start...im gettin an idea bout what this is about....)
this ain't no lie, the pain in my heart
could tare my whole body apart that would leave a mark
(i like this...but not tha very last bit on line two...but this was well worded...)
I don't swim with sharks, I'm a damn prey
I shake when I take a chance, must be another way
(a lil played...but ur metaphor shined thru...2nd line was best...good flow)
to join with the greats, and make a change
and build it in my brain so I can feel the same
(lol i def get this...good flow n wording...)
the all powerful, the hours of configuration
sense of anticipation knowledge information
(nice flow...good wording...i like these lines...)
the crater of humanity upon each of my shoulder (s)?
each time I spit the desert froze like polar
(not too bad...not too great...but it was decent)
I swear each bar gets colder, like a lonely road
the devil's on to me, this is my last note
(not bad...eh ur flow threw me...but its w/e...)
each chord in my throat shrinks when I spit
I once took a trip and got lost upon it's rift
(ok...this was good...wording was nice...metaphor a lil hidden...but eh)
fuck bitches and assholes I run upon it solo
I've been a victim of hell, how to bring in hope
(hmmmmmm yeah i get it...not bad...)
how to bring in hope when your a dying soul
looking for gold but everything froze in the cold
(kinda emotional there buddy...but i like it...good flow n wording)
look at history it's misery at it's finest
to define this, replace a plus with a minus
(dope...this was dope...great everything)
and sign this, knowing that it's the chance you take
hopefully to make it or break it, this is fate
(u cuda said THIS IS YOUR FAKE...rounded it out a bit more...but this was def good...like ur wording...)
each step you take brings you closser to paradise
each pair of dice I promiss has it share of lies
(again u cuda say ...A SHARE OF LINES...idk if u speak english first so im just lettin u know...no hate...dope shit here...)
you can't win each gamble with a rhyme in mind
it takes a lot of time, and each word to be define
(def dope...true shit...well worded...nice flow...)
and building my vocabulary one word at a time
each word of a genius would have a ladder to climb
(not bad...i get it...good wording n flow...)
to define knowledge would be to break boundaries
I'm a wordsmith, the greatest of all artistry
(nice...def loved tha ending...well done...)
ok so this was pretty dope...tha beginning was a lil rough...not ur best stuff....but that last 2/3s was pretty dam solid...def enjoyed reading this...n see even if i hate u ill always speak tha truth...good shit bruh....keep on writing!