-
May 27th, 2014, 10:05 PM
#1
Who Cares If They Know...
Who Cares If They Know
Aaliyah’s HOOK
They all debated the most hated and I was jaded
But you were hardly faded and even though you hesitated
Forgiveness you found in a way that was so profound
When I could barely utter a sound….
Their lies were like ties and in them I was bound
I felt like I was drowning, chained to the ocean ground
Outside I was fierce but inside the pain was mounting
And I think that’s when I crowned you king
Even though you insisted, me and you’d be nothing
I knew there was something more
And in your hesitation I found allure
We’d take 2 steps forward, then like 5 back
But I knew eventually we’d make up for where we lack
Both HOOKs
Every friendship falls into a façade, the battle of will
And even though it damaged us, I wanted you still
Besides the thrill, it really felt like something real
Or at least I thought…
You! The one who held the answers to the questions I sought
The one for which I fought, who taught me thru my insanity
That vanity is so much more then what’s inside or what we see
Yet still, in you I learned to confide,
Even though the end of the candle that burned was on my side
I retreated – But not cause I felt defeated, more so cheated
But just when I go to tell you what’s really been going on
Just like that… you were gone
Ride out…
Last edited by CLA919; June 5th, 2014 at 08:08 PM
-
May 27th, 2014, 10:12 PM
#2
Re: Who Cares If They Know...
Last edited by CLA919; May 27th, 2014 at 10:16 PM
-
May 28th, 2014, 03:49 PM
#3
Whatever, Fuck You
Re: Who Cares If They Know...
This was pretty good. The flow was on point for the most part, and meshed well with the song. The story was dope, consistent, and clear. I would have liked to see you flesh out the conflict that caused the breakup, it's like watching an action movie without the climatic final showdown. The rhyme scheme was cool, and the ending sort of explained the lack of climax, but the piece still feels incomplete. Dope drop. Needs showdown.
-
May 29th, 2014, 08:43 PM
#4
Re: Who Cares If They Know...
@HighEngineChief
thank you for the feedback... all points noted!!!
-
May 29th, 2014, 09:36 PM
#5
You've Earned a Custom Title!
Re: Who Cares If They Know...
mi reina bella this is on point and here u say u have writers block everything was here the elements and you getting your game up I see mad respects amor
-
June 3rd, 2014, 10:56 PM
#6
Re: Who Cares If They Know...
@makengknowcentz
thank you kidd!!!!! LoL
Tags for this Thread
Posting Rules
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts
-
Forum Rules